Category: Newsletter
-
Week 14 Newsletter: A Smashing Good Time
It’s time, gentlemen. After 13 weeks of football, waiver pickups, shit talking, and bitching, the playoffs are finally here. The field has been whittled down to eight teams duking it out for glory, bragging rights, and cold hard cash. It’s the most exciting time of the fantasy football season and everyone will be glued to…
-
Week 13 Newsletter: Are you ready, kids?
If you don’t know who the guy on the left is, he’s responsible for the guy on the right. His name is Stephen Hillenburg, a former marine biology teacher, created an informative comic book in the 1980’s in order to educate people about tide pool animals. He also worked as a fry cook in a…
-
Week 12 Newsletter: Be Thankful
It’s Thanksgiving. What the hell are you doing? Spend time with your friends and family, for goodness sake! Well, unless you’re reading this as a distraction from relatives you don’t want to be around. In that case, let me entertain you 11 people once again. Before I do, let me just say thank you for…
-
Week 11 Newsletter: Excelsior!
I really hoped I wouldn’t have to do another tribute newsletter this year. If celebs mean enough to me to get one, that means they’re dead and I’m sad. Case in point: I actually screamed, “NOOOO!!!” when I got the alert that Stan Lee died. Lee, of course, was basically the godfather of Marvel comics,…
-
Week 10 Newsletter: Elect to Get Your Ass Kicked
If I have to continue to deal with midterm bullshit at work even after most of the votes have been counted, so do you. Election season is still on, bitches! (cue theme music) Thank god I don’t have to see another Gavin Newsom/John Cox/Jeff Denham/Josh Harder/Dianne Feinstein/Kevin De Leon/Prop 6/Measure U campaign ad. By the…
-
Week 9 Newsletter: The Sweetest Caroline
(clears throat) Ahem…WORLD MOTHERFUCKING SERIES CHAMPS, BABY!!!!!!!!! Before this season, this crop of Boston Red Sox players were thought of as guys who couldn’t get it done in the playoffs. They had just gotten a rookie manager and their overpaid signees (especially David Price) wouldn’t do much. Their arch rivals from New York were thought…
-
Week 8 Newsletter: How Horrifying
It’s Halloween time, y’all! Halloween is my second favorite holiday (the 4th of July being #1), so I have no problem making this the first repeat theme of the newsletter. But, I don’t want to just do the same exact thing over again (the Nightmare Before Christmas parody took way too much effort). So, I’m gonna pick…
-
Week 7 Newsletter: Viva la Nordecke
At the end of last year’s Week 7 Newsletter, I included a note about the Columbus Crew and how their fans were about to lose their team. Their jackass owner, Anthony Precourt, has been trying to force the franchise to move to Austin, TX for essentially bullshit reasons, including and “outdated stadium,” Columbus not being…
-
Week 6 Newsletter: Face the Pain
A benefit of going on a trip to three different countries was that I had a theme for three straight weeks. While recovering from my epic overseas toilet tour (turns out I had this), I realized, “Oh shit (no pun intended), I have to actually come up with a theme this week!” I had absolutely no…
-
Week 5 Newsletter: I Saw Messi Play
Greetings from Sacramento! Yep, I have returned to the U.S. in one piece (mostly). Since the last newsletter, I flew to Barcelona and spent a few days doing all sorts of things: shitting my guts out from food poisoning I got in Casablanca, seeing the Sagrada Familia, shiting my guts out, striding down La Rambla,…
