Ruben's Writings

With the exception of the New England Patriots in Super Bowl LIII, pretty much every major championship winner in team sports over the past year has been unexpected. 

The St. Louis Blues had the worst record in the NHL in January, yet won their first ever Stanley Cup. The Toronto Raptors traded their most beloved player ever for a high-risk rental and won their first ever NBA Finals. Elena Delle Donne got put through the ringer yet still dragged the Washington Mystics to their first WNBA title. The Virginia Cavaliers cost me the $200 FOX40 bracket pool prize end route to their first NCAA Tournament win. Powerhouses Alabama and UConn were felled in unforeseen ways in the NCAA football and women’s basketball postseason. Even though the winner of the Toronto FC-Seattle Sounders MLS Cup trilogy on Saturday will be the new title holder, for two more days a professional sports team from Atlanta (Atlanta United) is a reigning champion. Pretty crazy, right?

Yet, I think every one except maybe the Blues gets surpassed by what the Washington Nationals did this season.

The franchise only made one postseason in 36 years as the Montreal Expos. After they moved to D.C. in 2005, it still took until 2012 to make the playoffs. Once they did, the Nationals suffered heartbreak after heartbreak after heartbreak. NL East titles, MVPs and Cy Young Awards, near 100-win seasons — none of it mattered in the postseason, where the Nationals became one of the biggest chokers in all of sports. After 50 seasons and no playoff series won (the 1981 first round doesn’t count), no one expected one of baseball’s most failure-familiar franchises to contend for a title, especially with the departure of team icon Bryce Harper (more on him later).

This seemed to be confirmed when, 50 games into the 2019 season, Washington had a 19-31 record. It appeared Stephen Strasburg, Anthony Rendon, and other stars were on the way out. Dave Martinez was about to be fired. The Nationals were set for a full rebuild. But then something happened: they kept winning. A team thought to be down and out came roaring back, their never-say-die attitude shining no brighter than when they scored seven runs in the bottom of the 9th to beat the New York Mets in September. Shortly after, they clinched an unlikely trip to the playoffs. 

Once there, all they did was win their first ever postseason eliminator with an incredible comeback in the NL Wild Card Game, made another incredible rally against Playoff Kershaw and the LA Dodgers in the NLDS, exorcised some major playoff demons against the St. Louis Cardinals in the NLCS, and beat the best team in the majors (the Houston Astros) in the most shameful World Series of all time. It’s an incredible story written by the most unlikely of authors.

Congrats to the Nationals and their fans on a well-deserved first title! Not only have you finally joined the Champion’s Club, you’re also making a place in the pantheon of championship celebrations. The bar (no pun intended) was set last year by Alex Ovechkin and the Washington Capitals, and the Nationals are doing everything they can to match their D.C. brethren’s epic bender. Well done!

This week’s theme music choice might come as a bit of a surprise. But like the Nationals bucked their tradition of failure, I’m bucking any traditional D.C.-themed tunes. Instead, I’m rolling with a song that motivated Washington during their big run, especially one player. Gerardo Parra was in a huge slump when he decided to change his walk-up music to a song his kids really liked. He broke out his slump and the song became a favorite with the team. Players mimicked hand gestures when they made big hits. Fans dressed up as characters from the song at ball games. They even put a stuffed animal of one of the characters inside the Commissioner’s Trophy. You know it, you hate it, but the Nationals love it.

I’m sorry.

(cue theme music)

RECAP OF LAST WEEK

DARTH RAIDER (4-5) DEF. 49ERS (7-2)

110.24 – 81.04

Much like the Sacramento Kings after their 0-5 start (god fucking damn it), Darth Raider broke off two straight wins. This most recent one was certainly a shocker, taking down the previously No. 1 49ers. Unlike the real life 49ers, Gee’s guys got by far the most points from their QB (Matt Stafford) and little from anyone else. With 25 points, Stafford got nearly double the 13-point total of Gee’s next best player, Ezekiel Elliott. These two were the only ones in Gee’s lineup to break the double digit barrier. Gee’s vaunted previously unbeaten Patriots defense had by far their worst game, getting fewer points than Arik’s Jets defense did in a losing effort to the previously winless Dolphins (more on those games later). Arik was able to counter Stafford with, naturally, Ryan Tannehill (25 points) while adding in a helping of Tyreek Hill (20 points) and Bobby Wagner (12 points). While Arik is certainly capable of scoring, beating Gee by almost 30 is a stunner. We’ll see if Arik, like the Kings, goes back to his losing ways, or makes it three in a row.

THREE EYED RAVENS (4-5) DEF. GRUDEN GRINDERS (4-5)

100.52 – 77.54

In another surprise, the longest winning streak in the league has been snapped! Gruden Grinders had a chance to complete the Nationals-esque turnaround and get above .500 for the first time all season. Josh Jacobs did his part, running through the pride of Lions to the tune of 24 points. But he was the only one who got the memo. Apart from Aaron Rodgers and his disappointing 12 points, no one else in Jimmy’s lineup had more than single digits. That’s not going to win a lot of football games. Three Eyed Ravens took full advantage of the slip-up, with both Jordan Howard and James White tallying solid 14-point performances. But the piece de resistance was Ewing’s new man crush, Lamar Jackson, who scored as many points as White and Howard combined (28 for those who can’t do math). As Jackson carved up the Patriots, Ewing carved up Jimmy’s underperforming lineup. But at Ewing keeps his season afloat for another week, Jimmy might be right back at square one, hoping to avoid what could be another long losing streak. 

DIXIE NORMOUS (4-5) DEF. THE KRISPY KRITTERS (3-6)

127.68 – 112.22

Naturally, the only matchup where both teams scored over 100 points was won by the lowest scoring team of the league. Interestingly, both sides had some contributors underperform by a huge margin. Allen Robinson and Sony Michel gave the Krispy Kritters three combined points, which was more than double what Stefon Diggs and Chris Herndon did for Dixie Normous. But those were the bad eggs. Nick had to be surprised to see Jimmy G throw down 28 points out of nowhere, while the likes of Devin Singletary (20 points), the Texans defense (19 points), LeVeon Bell (12 points), and Lavonte David (13 points) had to be nice as well. Despite a whopping 39 points from Russell Wilson, 19 points from Kenny Golladay, and 13 points from Carlos Hyde, Richard was still trailing entering Monday Night and needing to rely on his Cowboys defense. While Dallas did provide 18 points, Richard had to watch his team’s own K, Brett Maher, kick him in the dick to the tune of 16 points. Don’t look now, but Nick might have a shot at the playoffs.

GOOD HOME COOKIN (8-1) DEF. FOOTBALLDAMUS (4-5)

111.16 – 65.10

When I was writing last week’s preview, I figured Riez (happy belated birthday, BTW) would eventually swap out the three guys on a bye. But he just… didn’t. Todd Gurley, Gerald Everett, and Aaron Donald were three big blanks in the Footballdamus lineup. You can’t have an blanks in your lineup when you’re facing Kyle, because his guys can score. That’s exactly what Good Home COOKin did, finishing as the fourth-highest scoring team of the week despite Minshew Mania finishing in single digits. Hail to the skill positions, as Mike Evans (25 points) led a crew completed by Phillip Lindsay (15 points), DeAndre Hopkins (11 points), Mark Ingram (12 points), and Dalvin Cook (11 points). All of those guys came at least within three points of Riez’s highest scorer, Tom Brady (14 points). I don’t know if Riez didn’t want to get rid of any players and just ate the byes, gave up because he was playing Kyle, or straight up for got. Regardless, it’s pretty damn bad. But at least Riez can say he didn’t suffer the most embarrassing loss of the week.

C’S CHAMPION TEAM (4-5) DEF. JOP SUEY!!! (4-5)

93.64 – 86.20

That dubious honor goes to Taylor, because dude, what the fuck? Chriss literally cannot access his team to make roster changes and is openly punting his fate to the football gods each week. There were FIVE spots in C’s Champion Team’s lineup where guys were wither hurt or on a bye, and nothing could be done about it. And Chriss STILL won! How in the actual hell did that happen? Yes, Kyler Murray (23 points), Tyler Lockett (27 points), Derrick Henry (21 points), and Harrison Butker (18 points) all had nice days. But a depleted lineup can only do so much, and 93 points should easily be attainable, even with a team with Josh Allen at QB. Hell, Allen and Emmanuel Sanders (17 points each) were your highest scorers! I know literally everyone on the Jop Suey!!! bench was either on a bye or just got claimed off waivers, but having backups who don’t completely shit the bed is pretty important. With a wild playoff race shaping up for the next few weeks, this loss (a fourth in a row) could loom large for Taylor come December.

ORCHIDS OF ASIA (6-3) DEF. SLEEPING GIANTS (2-7)

114.24 – 99.60

Ah yes, the annual fantasy football patricide in the Dominguez family. Every year we have played fantasy football together, I have beaten Dad at least once. He cannot say the same. This proud tradition continues for another year, although if I’m honest I did have some moments of doubt. An example: when T.Y. Hilton got ruled out too late for me to replace him with Kenyan Drake, who got 24 points on my bench. Then I saw Kirk Cousins (21 points) dropping dimes and Damien Williams (18 points) and David Montgomery (19 points) running wild for Sleeping Giants, and the fear of an Orchids of Asia loss started to creep into my mind. But I remembered I have Christian McCaffrey (34 goddamn points) and Deshaun Watson (19 points) and everything was fine. Not even a subpar day for Julian Edelman or a nice effort by Amari Cooper (14 points) could close the gap. Though this win solidifies my playoff standing, it’s crucial for me to not get into a late season slump . Who do I play next? Oh… FFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU…

STANDINGS

GIFT CARD STANDINGS:

1. Good Home COOKin (8-1)
2. 49ers (7-2)
3. Orchids of Asia (6-3)
4. Darth Raider (4-5)
5. Three Eyed Ravens (4-5)
6. Gruden Grinders (4-5)
7. Jop Suey!!! (4-5)
8. C’s Champion Team (4-5)
9. Footballdamus (4-5)
10. Dixie Normous (4-5)
11. The Krispy Kritters (3-6)
12. Sleeping Giants (2-7)

Goddamn it we have another seven-way tie in the standings. Less than 200 points separates a spot in the top half of the playoff bracket from a spot on the couch. Only three teams currently have a record above .500. What the hell is this league?

Anyway, Good Home COOKin can clinch a playoff spot with a win or losses by two of the seven 4-5 teams. 49ers needs those two losses and a win to clinch this week. While Sleeping Giants cannot be eliminated this week, they would be up for elimination next week with another loss.

FREE BEER STANDINGS:

1. Good Home COOKin (1084.78)
2. 49ers (1059.40)
3. Orchids of Asia (1031.76)
4. Darth Raider (984.24)
5. The Krispy Kritters (924.70)
6. Three Eyed Ravens (920.26)
7. Gruden Grinders (911.16)
8. Jop Suey!!! (884.78)
9. C’s Champion Team (846.46)
10. Sleeping Giants (817.90)
11. Footballdamus (809.30)
12. Dixie Normous (784.06)

ATTENTION, MORONS!!!

WE ARE LESS THAN A WEEK AWAY FROM THE TRADE DEADLINE, WHICH IS NOVEMBER 9TH. I REPEAT: THE TRADE DEADLINE IS 2 DAYS FROM NOW! DO YOUR STUPID TRADES BY THEN AND DON’T BITCH THAT I’M NOT TELLING YOU ABOUT THE DEADLINE! 

Don’t be a national disgrace.

AND THEN THERE WERE ONES

It’s been five days, and I don’t think Ewing has stopped smiling. Why should he? His Baltimore Ravens handed the New England Patriots their first loss of the season, proving two things. 1. Lamar Jackson and the new-look Baltimore offense is legit. 2. New England’s defense only looked that good because they were playing shitty competition. Seriously, the best opponent they’ve played before this past weekend was the Pittsburgh Steelers, who had Big Ben and didn’t have Minkah Fitzpatrick. Hell, their game against the Buffalo Bills is still their only one with a single digit margin of victory. 

The only unbeaten team in the NFL this season — the San Francisco 49ers — have gotten shit all year because of their weak schedule. You’re trying to tell me the Cleveland Browns, Washington Redskins, New York Giants, Miami Dolphins, and New York Jets (twice) are high-caliber competition? New England gets the Alabama treatment of “rank them high just because they’re Alabama” by everyone (and to be fair for a good reason). Of course, maybe the Patriots got killed by the Ravens because Baltimore is a really good team. We’ll see just how good New England is in the next four weeks — the Philadelphia Eagles, Dallas Cowboys, Houston Texans, and Kansas City Chiefs are on the slate. Granted, the Cowboys lost to the Jets, so they definitely have the capacity to suck a fat one. Speaking of the Jets…

Jets fans when they checked the score Sunday

I don’t know what’s more embarrassing, Taylor’s loss to Chriss of the Jets being the 1 in the Dolphins’ 1-7. I mean, the Dolphins are openly tanking for Tua Tagovailoa, have traded away their two best players (Minkah and Kenyan Drake), get rekt on a weekly basis, are the only team the goddamn Redskins have beaten all season (side note: the Redskins play the Jets next weekend), and start Ryan Fitzpatrick at QB. They do not give a shit about winning, yet outclassed the Jets in every way. The Jets are a joke of a team with Mr. Mono at QB, the American eye equivalent of Mesut Ozil as head coach, and the worst jersey update this side of Tampa Bay and Jacksonville. The Jets are the shame of the league, a point proven by this awful defeat to the Dolphins.

So yeah, Taylor’s loss was definitely the more embarrassing one.

STAT OF THE WEEK

The cat running onto the field Monday Night was the best part of the season so far, change my mind. If Al Davis were still alive, he’d try to sign the cat. Here’s proof:

This is the second-best cat ever to appear on TV. Of course, Chroma Kitty is No. 1.

WEEKLY RAIDERS RANT

Alright, another nice easy win! No drama whatsoever. Clear cut. Never in doubt. No sweat.

(checks blood pressure)

While it wasn’t quite a shootout, this game lived up to the billing as an offensive showcase. This was a back-and-forth contest which featured several lead changes, great individual plays, and action up until the final seconds ticked off the clock. Oddly, considering the type of game this was and the ineptitude of the unit overall, the Raiders defense came up clutch on two separate occasions, during which the fate of the game could’ve changed.

The first came in the 2nd quarter. After Detroit had taken a 14-10 lead, Oakland had been stopped on 4th down. The Lions marched down the field and had a chance to take a double digit lead. From about the 20-yard-line, Matt Stafford took a shot to Kenny Golladay, who finished with 132 yards and a TD on just four catches. Golladay would’ve had a second score if not for the effort of Daryl Worley, who made an incredible one-handed INT that might be the best defensive play this decade by a Raider not named Khalil Mack. The next Oakland possession ended with a TD and a 17-14 lead at halftime. Inject this shit into my veins.

The second, of course, came right at the end. After the Lions had driven down and looked like they were going to score, the Raiders stopped a Stafford run before sacking him and forcing Detroit to call a timeout. That’s why Detroit was all over the place when their 3rd down play was stopped just outside the endzone and why it made no goddamn sense for Jon Gruden to CALL A FUCKING TIMEOUT WITH EIGHT SECONDS LEFT and give the Lions a chance to organize. But, despite their problems this season, the defense held firm on 4th and Goal, with Karl Joseph preventing a TD catch. Game, blouses.

Perhaps this game gives the defense confidence and helps them improve in the long run. Imagine this good of an offense — a solid Derek Carr, an incredible Josh Jacobs, and a battered but productive passing game thanks to a stellar Darren Waller and emerging Hunter Renfrow — with an above average defense.

As I’ve said, we’re in a stretch of winnable games we need to take advantage of to make a playoff push. That starts this… Thursday? Today? Oh shit, let’s go! We’re playing the Chargers at home? Sweet! Last time I checked, LA was trash! Who did they play last week? The Green Bay Packers? Wow, their offense absolutely tore us a new one a few weeks ago, so the Chargers must’ve gotten their asses ki–

… wut. Welp, that nice feeling I had was fun while it lasted.

Anyway, last week I mentioned the Raiders-Lions game was significant to me for personal reasons. Allow me to enlighten you. For the past few years, FOX40 has employed a young reporter/anchor named Joe Khalil. An incredibly nice man with serious reporter skills, a passion for politics, and a love of stupid puns, Joe was one of the few people I work with who could challenge my sports knowledge and fandom for terrible teams. We instantly clicked and became good friends over the course of newsroom nights and trips to the bar afterward. He and I were a team in a legendary prank war involving squirt and nerf guns. He’s cooked a drunken me steak at 2 a.m. I’ve treated him to a Sacramento Kings game at which he accidentally bought a medium shirt (which he has since forcibly stretched into a large) from the team store. We’ve worked and sweated and bled to put shows together as much as we’ve worked and sweated and bled as part of Squad 40 in the Sacramento Media Softball League.

Unfortunately, all good things must come to an end. Joe recently got a job as a White House/Congressional beat reporter for the company that owns FOX40 (and a shit ton of other TV stations). This is his last week in Sacramento before he and his fiancee move to Washington, D.C. I’m suddenly less happy about the Nationals winning it all. But not really, because this is something Joe’s dreamed of doing for years and I’m incredibly happy he finally achieved his goal. He’s going to kill it. But it sucks that he has to leave Sacramento.

As fate would have it, the last full weekend Joe was in town happened to include a rare matchup between our favorite football teams. Joe, an East Lansing boy who graduated from Michigan State and is a lifelong Pistons, Red Wings, and Tigers fan, has not enjoyed a lot of success this decade. This is especially true for his Detroit Lions. If he hadn’t been busy getting ready for the move, I guarantee he would’ve been in Oakland cheering on his boys in silver and blue, and I probably would’ve been there cheering my boys in Silver and Black. With Joe’s impending departure, it was important to both of us that we have the last word on the in-person trash talk. Sure, any one of our teams could play each other in the future. But Joe will be gone. It won’t be the same. 

So thanks, Raiders, for allowing me one last chance to shit talk one of my best work friends I’ve ever had. And thanks, Joe, for all the memories. Kick ass in D.C.!

Speaking of Joe’s Spartans, remember during the first 2019 newsletter when I mentioned this year has a major milestone in November? Well, that mark has come and gone — but just by one day. It’s time for a special look back 150 years ago at the day football truly began.

#WAYBACKWEDNESDAY

YESTERDAY IN FOOTBALL HISTORY:

On November 6, 1869, the first ever college football game was played. It looked absolutely nothing like the behemoth of the sport it’s since become in the following century and a half. The College of New Jersey (later renamed Princeton) Tigers and Rutgers College Queensmen each fielded a 25-man team whose goal was to kick the ball through the opposition’s goal. The roster was divided nearly in half between “fielders” assigned to defend their own area and “bulldogs” playing in the other team’s territory. Since the rules of this game were based on the Football Association’s 1863 rules, carrying or throwing the ball was not permitted. Yes, this was once college football. Batting or swatting the ball with hands, feet, heads, and sides was allowed. Also, there were ten mini games played in one big game, with each team winning a game every time the ball went in the goal. Players on the field that fateful day included a future clergyman of the Dutch Reformed Church, a wounded Civil War veteran, and a future chief justice of the Supreme Court of New Jersey. In front of a home crowd of about 100 people, Rutgers’ 

S.G. Gano and G.R. Dixon scored the first ever college football point. In the end, despite their smaller size, the Queensmen had superior kicking ability and defeated the Tigers 6-4. The aftermath of the game saw the creation of the first ever college football rivalry, as Rutgers students literally ran the Tigers players out of town, forcing them to jump in their carriages and ride 20 miles home. I fucking love old-timey stories like this. The following week (which was the only other week of the first college football season), New Jersey got its revenge in a 8-0 rout in a rematch. A third and decisive game was supposed to take place, but never happened. While some say it was because the two teams couldn’t agree on a set of rules, others say officials from both schools complained that too much attention was being put on football rather than academics (can you imagine such a thing?). Fun fact: the Rutgers players wore scarlet-colored turbans and scarves during the first game, the inspiration for the school’s eventual mascot: the Scarlet Knights.

Obviously, this is a far cry from college football (or football in general) as we know it. But some critical elements were present in that 1869 game. While the action looked like soccer mixed with rugby, from those two rule sets where gridiron football and the game that it was when the APFA/NFL was founded. The game had kicking, wedge formations, and the classic “size vs. speed” matchup. There was also an immediate interest in the game. Remember, the Rutgers crowd was so fiery they kicked New Jersey out of the city after literally the first ever football game. There was a clear passion for this thing, which eventually grew to a nationwide fever pitch and allowed for the changing and modernization of the rules, deafening crowds of tens of thousands of wild fans packing the stands of stadiums, millions of people tuning into dozens of games each week around the world, and all of the tradition, pageantry, recruiting, rivalries, action, lore, fandom, tailgating, etc. that makes this sport so amazing.

As much as I love NFL football, I might actually like college football more. That in itself is kind of amazing, considering I happened to go to the last Division I school (once UAB re-instated its team in 2017) to eliminate its football program. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed my time at Pacific. But goddamn it would’ve been awesome to spend Saturday’s cheering my ass off for our shitty football team. However, this meant I could kind of bounce around and become a fan of Team Chaos, purely rooting for entertaining results and crazy upsets. I have flirted with a genuine fandom for Cal (partially to fuck with Ewing and his love of Stanford) and cheered for Michigan State whenever I was watching a game with Joe. There were other times when I’ve embraced being a fan of certain schools — just for one day.

Do you fuckers remember this? This was outside of the Rose Bowl, after we watched a thriller between UCLA and BYU as part of the second leg of our Pac-12 tour. Jimmy, I haven’t seen that hat since. Ewing, I think you were hung over in this pic (yes, hung over). Taylor was supposed to be here too, but he was throwing up black bile and bailed at the last minute. Don’t give Taylor too much shit, because we were also supposed to go to the Stanford-Notre Dame game that year. We were going to be a quarter of the way done with our goal (after the shenanigans at the Cal-Stanford game the year before). But then everyone but me bailed for various reasons, with everyone saying how we have plenty of time, or as one person put it “we have the rest of our lives to do this.”

Well guess what. Do you know how long it’s been since that UCLA-BYU game? FOUR YEARS. I’ve visited seven different countries, moved twice, and been promoted three different times at FOX40 in that span. I also failed at organizing (or rather, y’all bitched out of) a trip to the USC-Texas game in 2017. I’d pretty much given up on ever completing the Pac-12 tour at that point, even though we’d already invested in it and I was further along than anyone else with three schools. But while we do have the rest of our lives to do this, that time is getting shorter by the day. We’ve been swallowed by work, relationships (one of the guys in that pic is MARRIED now), and other responsibilities. We don’t even see each other nearly as often, let alone go to sporting events. 

So let this serve as a call to action! It’s already pretty late in the current season — unless y’all want to go out of state or to the USC-UCLA game on Novebber 23 — so let’s make a concentrated effort to actually tick off the remaining schools on our list. If we’re smart (God help us), we can make most of these trips a two-game experience, cutting down expenses and time. It would be an awesome feather in our caps to have seen a game at all Pac-12 stadiums, and I think it’s still achievable. I’d even be willing to take one for the team and go to Stanford a second time. Do you know which school Stanford happens to be playing at home on November 30, the last game of the regular season? Notre fucking Dame. Time is a flat circle.

Anyway, back to the professional game, which eventually became popular as well. 

#THROWBACKTHURSDAY

ON THIS DAY IN NFL HISTORY:

On November 7, 2010, one of the most random, unlikely beatdowns in NFL history stunned the football world. Since Tom Brady took over as starting QB in 2001, the New England Patriots have played the Cleveland Browns eight times, most recently last month. As you’d expect, the Patriots have Michael Vicked the Dawg Pound pretty much each time. But for one glorious game, the Browns bit back — hard. You might’ve thought the master game planner Bill Belichick would’ve seen it coming, as just two weeks earlier, the Browns had gone into New Orleans and upset the defending Super Bowl champion Saints (who would go on to be Beast Quaked). But Belichick’s former DC and old AFC East/Spygate rival Eric Mangini had some tricks up his sleeve. After Cleveland got the scoring started with a FG, the Patriots fumbled the ensuing kickoff. The Browns capitalized with a TD run by future Madden cover athlete Peyton Hillis, going up 10-0 just under four minutes into the game. The Patriots wouldn’t get on the scoreboard until Brady found Aaron Hernandez for a short score. But Cleveland murdered any New England momentum with their own response: a Chansi Stuckey TD via a direct snap gadget play. New England almost closed the gap late in the first half, but Cleveland recovered a Rob Gronkowski fumble at the three-yard line and went into halftime up 17-7. The Browns would add to their lead when rookie QB Colt McCoy scrambled into the endzone, then sandwiched another Hernandez TD with a FG and a second score by Hillis. The Browns defense capped off a dominant performance with a late INT of Brian Hoyer, who had replaced Brady, as Cleveland improved to 3-5 with a shocking 34-14 ass-whooping of the Patriots. The stunning result was made even more crazy by how both teams’ seasons ended up. Cleveland, fresh off two huge upsets, would lose its next two games — against the New York Jets and Jacksonville Jaguars — and finish 5-11. The 6-2 Patriots would not lose again in the regular season and be the No. 1 seed in the AFC at 14-2. However, New England suffered another shocker, this time a Divisional Round loss to those same Jets.

THIS DAY IN MUCH LESS RELEVANT NEWS:

• 2000 — The 2000 Presidential Election is held, although it would take one month and a Supreme Court case for George W. Bush to be officially declared the winner. 
• 1996 — NASA launches the Mars Global Surveyor.
• 1994 — WXYC, the UNC student radio station, provides the world’s first internet radio broadcast.
• 1991 — Magic Johnson announces he is HIV-positive and retires from the NBA.
• 1989 — Douglas Wilder wins the governor’s seat in Virginia, becoming the first elected African-American governor in U.S. history.
• 1983 — A bomb explodes inside the U.S. Capitol, causing an estimated $250K in damages (no one was hurt).
• 1973 — Congress overrides President Richard Nixon’s veto of the War Powers Resolution, which limits presidential power to wage war without congressional approval.
• 1972 — Nixon is re-elected president.
• 1967 — President Lyndon Johnson signs the Public Broadcasting Act of 1967, establishing the Corporation for Public Broadcasting.
• 1967 — Carl Stokes is elected as Mayor of Cleveland, becoming the first African-American mayor of a major American city.
• 1954 — Armistice Day becomes Veterans Day.
• 1944 — Franklin Roosevelt elected for a record fourth term as President.
• 1943 — The Detroit Lions and New York Giants finish 0-0, the last scoreless tie to date in the NFL.
• 1933 — Pennsylvania voters overturn blue law, permitting sports to be played on Sundays
• 1929 — The Museum of Modern Art opens in New York City.
• 1917 — The October Revolution takes place, turning Russia into Soviet Russia.
• 1916 — Jeannette Rankin becomes the first woman elected to Congress, winning the vote in Montana.
• 1914 — The first issue of The New Republic is published.
• 1910 — The first air freight shipment (from Dayton to Columbus) takes place.
• 1908 — Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid are reportedly killed in San Vicente Canton, Bolivia.
• 1893 — Women are granted the right to vote in Colorado, the second state to embrace women’s suffrage.
• 1885 — Canada’s first transcontinental railway is completed with a “last spike” ceremony in Craigellachie, British Columbia.
• 1874 — A cartoon by Thomas Nast, considered the first to use an elephant to symbolize the Republican Party, is published in Harper’s Weekly.
• 1786 — The Stoughton Musical Society, the oldest musical organization in the U.S., is founded.

BIRTHDAYS:

• 1996 — Lorde, singer and totally not Randy Marsh.
• 1990 — David de Gea, Manchester United goalkeeper and part-time brick wall.
• 1983 — Adam DeVine, actor best known for his roles in Workaholics and the Pitch Perfect franchise.
• 1978 — Rio Ferdinand, former soccer defender and Manchester United legend.
• 1970 — Morgan Spurlock, documentary filmmaker best known for Super Size Me.
• 1943 — Joni Mitchell, one of the greatest singers/songwriters of all time.
• 1867 — Marie Curie, physicist/chemist who conducted pioneering research on radioactivity, was the first woman to win a Nobel Prize (doing so twice), and remains the only person to win a Nobel Prize in two different scientific fields. 

DEATHS:

• 2017 — Roy Halladay, HOF pitcher and two-time Cy Young Award-winner.
• 2012 — Darrell Royal, legendary CFB head coach and namesake of the stadium at one of his former schools: Texas.
• 2011 — Joe Frazier, iconic boxing champion and Olympic gold medalist known for his legendary bouts with Muhammad Ali.
• 1962 — Eleanor Roosevelt, First Lady of the U.S.

HAPPY [FILL IN THE BLANK] DAY!

Happy National Bittersweet Chocolate with Almonds Day! I mean… come on. How goddamn specific do we have to get with these days?
(takes a bite of bittersweet chocolate with almonds)
… I see your point.

THE BEST STORY IN MY SHOW

STUDENT BARRED FROM RESELLING KRISPY KREME NOW TEAMING UP WITH THE DOUGHNUT CHAIN

ST. PAUL, Minn. — A Minnesota college student who was told by Krispy Kreme to stop driving to Iowa every weekend to buy hundreds of its doughnuts to resell in the Twin Cities area⁠ has now struck a sweet deal with the doughnut chain.

Jayson Gonzalez, 21, of Champlin, whose enterprising efforts were recently reported by The St. Paul Pioneer Press, said a typical Saturday starts with a 4-hour trip to a Krispy Kreme store in Clive, Iowa. He would then pack his Ford Focus with up to 100 12-count boxes of doughnuts and deliver them to customers in Minneapolis-St. Paul.

Gonzalez, who is studying accounting at Metropolitan State University, charged $17 to $20 per box and said he used the profits to pay off college debt.

Less than a week after the newspaper reported about his business, which Gonzalez said he started to fill a hole left when the local Krispy Kreme closed down 11 years ago, the confectionery company told him to shut down operations.

“I figured it would come eventually, but it arrived early with the surrounding articles,” Gonzalez wrote in an Oct. 31 Facebook post on the “Krispy Kreme Run Minnesota” page, which he uses to inform customers of his doughnut hauls. “Life happens, and it could be a sign that something else is meant to be.”

On Monday, however, Gonzalez reached a deal to continue making dough with his side hustle: He said he had received a call from Krispy Kreme and would be working with them to resume his business.

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Much like the Twin Cities were this story takes place, I’m of two minds about this all played out. I applaud the student for his creativity and an happy he can keep hustling. But I’m not giving Krispy Kreme, the McDonald’s of donuts, any credit for this one. They’re reluctantly doing this. They wanted this guy shut down, but caved due to public pressure. Weak, just like the quality of their doughnuts. #TeamDunkin.

THIS WEEK’S MATCHUPS

ORCHIDS OF ASIA (6-3) VS. GOOD HOME COOKIN (8-1)

…UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCKK ME! Just when I was starting to feel a wee bit good about my team, he shows up. Kyle, the one who took the championship from me with less than five minutes left in our season. The No. 1 ranked, highest scoring Good Home COOKin. While I happen to have a Christian McCaffrey on my side, I’m still feeling outgunned. Deshaun Watson AND Julian Edelman are on byes and T.Y. Hilton is still hurt. While I can replace Edelman and Hilton, the list of free agent QBs was highlighted by Sam Darnold, Ryan Fitzpatrick, Kyle Allen, and Mason Rudolph. I did not want to go into our Epic Bowl rematch by gambling on Brian fucking Hoyer as my QB, but here we are. My only possible saving grace is that Kyle also has quite a few byes — DeAndre Hopkins, Phillip Lindsay, Jake Elliott, and the Eagles defense. Fortunately for Kyle, he has guys like Dak Prescott, Melvin Gordon, and Cooper Kupp to fill some of his voids. It doesn’t even matter what defense he picks up, I’m probably fucked. 

49ERS (7-2) VS. FOOTBALLDAMUS (4-5)

By the way, the Epic Bowl rematch is the only matchup this week between teams with winning records. There are only three of them in the league, and 49ers is the third one. Given the opponent this week, Gee will win and either separate himself from third place or get the No. 1 ranking back. As Footballdamus gets Todd Gurley, Gerald Everett, and the Rams defense back, they lose Tom Brady, Alshon Jeffery, and Leonard Fournette to byes. Will Riez actually make adjustments to his lineup, or will he just roll with it. Quite frankly, it probably doesn’t matter. Even with Gee’s horrific showing last week, he still would’ve outscored Riez. This week, Gee gets to swap out his postmortem Patriots defense for the latest non-Jets team to face the Dolphins: the Colts. Jameis Winston and Chris Godwin should do well against the Cardinals, Keenan Allen and Hunter Henry will probably light it up against the Raiders (god fucking damn it), and Alvin Kamara should return against the Falcons. All signs point to another ass-whooping by Gee. 

DARTH RAIDER (4-5) VS. THE KRISPY KRITTERS (3-6)

Another victim of the Week 10 byes, the Krispy Kritters is losing Sony Michel, Carlos Hyde, and Zach Ertz. It’s the latest in a series of bad luck happenings for Richard, who finds himself on the wrong side of the 4-5 log jam. While Russell Wilson is the frontrunner for MVP, he and the Seahawks are facing the lone undefeated team in the NFL. Kenny Golladay is facing the tough Bears defense and Allen Robinson has the Titty Kisser for a QB. But wait — is that… hope for Richard? It appears A.J. Green is set to make his 2019 debut against the… Ravens. Nope, not a lot of hope there. But Darth Raider doesn’t have an easy path to a third straight win. Chris Carson has to face that same 49ers defense as Wilson, while Ryan Tannehill doesn’t have an easy task against the Chiefs (though having Tyreek Hill, Austin Ekeler, and Travis Kelce is nice). Arik also has an interesting conundrum with Saquon Barkley going up against his Jets defense. The Gotham Bowl might as well be the Toilet Bowl, so who the hell knows how that’ll turn out.

GRUDEN GRINDERS (4-5) VS. DIXIE NORMOUS (4-5)

It’s almost unbelievable, but if Dixie Normous (the lowest scoring team in the league) can scrape together another win, they’ll be in a postseason spot with only three games left on the schedule. Jimmy G has been playing well, but has to deal with the Seahawks. Stefon Diggs is also facing tough competition and the Texans defense is on a bye. But Devin Singletary, LeVeon Bell, and Golden Tate are all against poor opponents this week. Nick will need all of the help he can get. Standing in his way is a team which seemingly had it all together, then took a step back. If Jimmy wants to get back in .500, he’ll have to rely on his usual corps involved in games that can best be described as tales of two teams. Will Josh Jacobs, Darren Waller, and Daniel Carlson face the Chargers who lost to the Titans, or the Chargers who beat the Packers. As for Aaron Rodgers, Aaron Jones, and the Green Bay defense, we’ll see how they respond against a Panthers team which is confusing on its own. The results will loom large on this matchup.

THREE EYED RAVENS (4-5) VS. C’S CHAMPION TEAM (4-5)

After the seasons they’ve had, both Three Eyed Ravens and C’s Champion Team would take being .500 at the ten-game mark in a heartbeat. Well, either Ewing or Chriss well get their wish. Chriss, incredibly, is not the victim of the bye week blues again. The only person missing from the set in stone lineup is the injured Kerryon Johnson. David Johnson should return, with both he and Kyler Murray set for stellar days against the Buccaneers. The Rams defense should also do well against a depleted Steelers team. However, both Tyler Lockett and a returning Julio Jones might struggle against the 49ers and Saints, respectively. Lamar Jackson and Marlon Mack, meanwhile, should have no problem getting Ewing points against the Bengals/Dolphins and plug potential holes made by Adam Thielen (injury) and Jordan Howard (bye). If Juju Smith-Schuster, John Brown, Greg Olsen, and the Chiefs defense can also contribute, Ewing should be tough to beat. However, Nick has proven the doubters wrong recently. Will he surprise again?

JOP SUEY!!! (4-5) VS. SLEEPING GIANTS (2-7)

This past decade of baseball has been amazing. I’ve become much more of a fan of the sport in general — not just the Boston Red Sox. All but one of the MLB games I went to in person took place in the 2010s, really furthering my appreciation for the ins and outs of baseball over the past ten years. Even though I put the Oakland Coliseum last in my ball park rankings, Game 3 of the 2012 ALDS with Jimmy and Riez is a Top 3 game I’ve been to and Top 5 baseball experience I’ve ever had. Should the A’s make the playoffs again, I’d better get an invite to the Wild Card Game. Oakland hasn’t lost when I’ve been to a game in the Bay. But seriously, that 2012 A’s’-Tigers game was awesome. I’d put it up there with my Fenway Park experiences, the game I saw in Japan, and Game 5 of last year’s World Series (obviously No. 1 in both categories). This is all just counting the stuff I saw with my own eyes. There have been plenty of amazing moments throughout the 2010s in baseball. I can think of like 19 off the type of my head. In fact… 

RUBEN’S RANKINGS

TOP 19 MLB MOMENTS OF THE 2010S

I tried to include as many different settings as I could, from regular season games to overall decade-long legacies to iconic playoff moments. I also wanted to include as many teams as I could. I think I mentioned pretty much every MLB team, except for like three of them. I also tried to be as impartial as possible and limit Boston Red Sox appearances to just one moment from both their 2013 and 2018 World Series-winning campaigns. That being said, there were some notes I wanted to address.

HONORABLE MENTION: MIKE TROUT

Ask any baseball fanatic (as well as Ewing) and they’ll tell you Mike Trout is basically Jesus. Well, what Trout did this decade was like walking on water. While Trout never had a “moment,” he was still far and away the best player of the 2010s, and is now entering his prime. Put it this way — 2014 was statistically Trout’s worst year of his career. He was unanimously voted the AL MVP. 

HONORABLE MENTION: FUCK THE YANKEES

Because we stan the Red Sox in this newsletter, there will be no anti-Boston moments (not that there were a lot in the first place) on this list, with one notable exception. By proxy, this also means nothing positive for the New York team that didn’t reach the World Series this decade. No Derek Jeter/Mariano Rivera farewells or Aaron Judge bombs or anything. Fuck the yankees.

19. BUEHRLE’S BRILLIANT PLAY

Fittingly, we start on Opening Day 2010 with a play that set the bar for skill and uniqueness. The White Sox were leading the Indians 4-0 in the 5th inning when Cleveland’s Lou Marson hit a grounder that bounced off Mark Buehrle’s leg and trickled over to the first base line. In a last-ditch effort, Buehrle ran over and flipped the ball between his legs with his glove hand. Paul Konerko snagged it with his bare hand, and we had the Play of the Year on Day 1. It was so good, Baseball Tonight installed a “Buehrle-Meter” to judge all future web gems against it that season.

18. CCCUUUUUEEEEEEEEEEEETTTTTTTOOOOOOOOOOO 

This past World Series seemed to prove home field advantage doesn’t matter in baseball. Counterpoint: the 2013 NL Wild Card Game. The Pittsburgh Pirates hadn’t been to the playoffs since 1992, and the Bucs faithful were rowdy hosts to the Cincinnati Reds. After Pittsburgh went ahead 1-0 in the second inning, Pirates fans loudly chanted Reds pitcher Johnny Cueto’s name, echoing across the ball park. Cueto was so rattled, he dropped the ball while attempting to settle himself. On the very next pitch, Russell Martin hit a HR and the game was essentially over.

17. HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY

Aside from someone we’ll get to later, Dallas Braden might’ve been the most unlikely pitcher to enter perfect game territory. But in 2010, the Oakland A’s pitcher made baseball history, retiring every Tampa Bay Rays batter he faced to record MLB’s 19th perfect game. The feat was even more special considering the game had been played on Mother’s Day, with Braden’s grandmother (who had raised him after his mother died of cancer while he was in high school) in attendance. While there were several perfect games in the decade, this was the most memorable.

16. 16-1

As the yankees won the 2018 AL Wild Card Game, New York fans chanced “We want Boston!” Well, they got Boston alright. In Game 3 of the ALDS, the Red Sox handed the yankees the biggest playoff beatdown in their history. Boston nuked New York 16-1, highlighted by a seven-run 4th inning and Brock Holt of all people recording the first ever postseason cycle. The cherry on top: this happened in front of those same cocky fans in the Bronx. It was pure pornography. Boston would finish off New York in Game 4 and go on to win the 2018 World Series.

15. MERRY STRASMAS

It was called “the most hyped pitching debut the game has ever seen,” and for good reason. Stephen Strasburg, the collegiate pitcher of the year who once struck out 23 batters in a game, took the mound for the Washington Nationals for the first time. More than 40,000 fans packed Nationals Park, where Baseball Tonight set up shop for the that June 8, 2010 broadcast. Unlike most incredibly hyped events, this lived up to the billing. The 21-year-old Strasburg set a then-franchise record with 14 strikeouts in a dominant 5-2 win over the Pittsburgh Pirates.

14. THE DROUGHT ENDERS

Of the ten World Series winners of the 2010s, only three had entered the decade with a title won after 1985. Yay, parity! The San Francisco Giants kicked things off by unexpectedly winning it all in 2010 on the back of Tim Lincecum. The Giants, who hadn’t claimed a World Series since 1954, would become the team of the decade with two more titles in 2012 and 2014. That last one came against the Kansas City Royals, who hadn’t won it since 1985. That changed the following year, when a pissed off Royals team simply would not die and earned the 2015 crown.

13. NATIONAL NIGHTMARE OVER

I’ve obviously gone over this a lot in this newsletter, but I honestly think a worry over recency bias made this entry finish too low on the list. Looking back on it a few years from now, this might be a much greater moment than it is now. I mean, a franchise which hadn’t even won a playoff series starts the season 19-31, then goes on to win the World Series. Of the last five champions, two had never one a title, one hadn’t won it in 30 years, and another hadn’t been on top in 108 years (more on that later). I hope this unusual trend of parity continues into the 2020s.

12. GODS AMONG US

In a decade where HR records were shattered, three men stood out as gods on the mound who all but guaranteed wins for their teams. Clayton Kershaw has done stuff not seen since Sandy Koufax, especially in his unreal 2014 NL MVP campaign. Max Scherzer and his two eye colors have seemingly struck out every batter faced. Justin Verlander, the 2011 AL MVP, has had a renaissance in recent years and married/knocked up Kate Upton. While there might be some debate as to the order, I think this is the undisputed Top 3 in terms of pitching in the 2010s.

11. IT’S MADBUM’S WORLD

However, if you’re talking about postseason pitching, there’s no question who’s No. 1. Madison Bumgarner did surprisingly well in 2010, was great in 2012, and had the arm of God in 2014. His 2014 run was particularly amazing. Over an MLB-record 52 2/3 playoff innings, MadBum threw two complete game shutouts. including Game 5 of the World Series. He followed that up with five scoreless innings of relief in Game 7. In five Fall Classic appearances, Bumgarner has a 0.25 ERA. Though he may leave the Bay this offseason, MadBum will forever be a Giants legend.

10. THAT’S WHAT’S UP, DOC

The most anticipated pitching debut this side of Strasmas also somehow lived up to the billing. After languishing on terrible Toronto Blue Jays teams for over a decade, the late Roy Halladay was traded to the Philadelphia Phillies ahead of the 2010 season. Doc claimed the Cy Young award, winning 21 games, including a perfect game that May. But it was Halladay’s first postseason start where he cemented his legacy, no-hitting the Cincinnati Reds in Game 1 of the NLDS. It’s the only time anyone has thrown a perfect game and a no hitter in the same year.

9. BARTOLO GOES DEEP

Bartolo Colon, who went from this to this, is perhaps the biggest (no pun intended) meme in MLB history. A pitcher (a position not known for hitting ability) who’s that unathletic should never come close to going yard. But that all changed on May 7, 2016, when Colon smacked a two-run bomb for the New York Mets that sent baseball fans into a frenzy. At 42 years and 349 days, Big Sexy is the oldest MLB player to hit his first career HR. My favorite joke about this is “Bartolo Colon rounding the bases has replaced the Kentucky Derby as the most exciting two minutes in sports.”

8. RESPONDING TO TRAGEDY

Sometimes, there is crying in baseball. There were plenty of tears after 24-year-old Jose Fernandez was killed in a boating accident in September 2016. Some were shed by Dee Gordon, who, as the leadoff batter in the Miami Marlins’ first game since Fernandez’s death, hit his only HR of the season. Gordon was also the second-to-last out in a combined no-hitter by the LA Angels in their first game since the death of 27-year-old Tyler Skaggs. Let’s also not forget 25-year-old Yordano Ventura, who was killed in a car crash before the 2017 season.

7. THE IMPERFECT GAME

Armando Galarraga had the third perfect game of 2010, and it was taken away from him. One out away from history, umpire Jim Joyce incorrectly ruled the 27th batter had beaten the throw to first base. After the game, a tearful Joyce apologized for his mistake to the media and Galarraga, who handled the situation with forgiveness. Without a hint of irony, Galarraga told reporters “nobody’s perfect.” Galarraga and Joyce also met on the field before the following game. By the way, MLB is chickenshit for not overturning the call and giving Galarraga the perfecto.

6. UNFORGETTABLE FINAL DAY

The final day of the 2011 regular season was fucking insane, with two playoff spots changing hands and shocking collapses being completed. Entering September, then Atlanta Braves were 80-55 and up by 8 1/2 games over the St. Louis Cardinals in the NL Wild Card race. But Atlanta went into free fall, going 9-18 and losing the finale to the Philadelphia Phillies in 13 innings. The Braves were on the outside looking in, and the Cardinals… well we’ll talk about it later. Oh, and something happened involving the Boston Red Sox and Tampa Bay Rays. Fuck off.

5. GOING WILD IN GAME 5

Game 2 of the 2017 World Series: one of the best in Fall Classic history. Game 5: hold my beer. With the LA Dodgers and Houston Astros tied 2-2, you’d expect the crucial fifth game to be tight and conservative. However, Game 5 ended up being in my opinion the most batshit crazy baseball game ever played. The Dodgers and Astros traded blows and huge leads, until Houston finally won 13-12 in extra innings. Fun fact: I was supposed to have a show after the game. By the time we were scheduled to go on, the 5th inning was starting. I did not have a show that day.

4. PAPI’S GRAND SLAM

The Detroit Tigers had the Boston Red Sox by the throat, up 1-0 in the 2013 ALCS and leading 5-1 in Game 2. But then David Ortiz, who has a history of coming up clutch, stepped up to the plate. With the bases loaded, Big Papi launched a game-tying grand slam. The ball sailed past the glove of Torii Hunter, who tumbled over the fence and unintentionally became part of an iconic image (seen above) along with bullpen cop Steve Horgan. Boston would win Game 2, the ALCS, and the 2013 World Series, in which Ortiz batted an absurd .688 and won MVP honors.

3. BAUTISTA’S BLAST & FLIP

The 53-minute 7th inning of Game 5 of the 2015 ALDS between the Toronto Blue Jays and Texas Rangers was the most insane inning ever. Texas took a 3-2 lead in the top after a dead ball play was controversially overturned, with fans throwing garbage onto the field. In the bottom, Toronto loaded the bases on three straight Rangers errors. After a bloop single tied the game, Jose Bautista launched a three-run HR, doing the GOAT bat flip afterwards. That led to the benches clearing, Bautista getting punched the following year, and a rematch that also had a crazy ending.

2. A FREESE-ING GAME 6

How do you go from a relative no-name to a baseball legend? If you’re David Freese, you do what you did in Game 6 of the 2011 World Series. With the St. Louis Cardinals down to their last strike against the Texas Rangers, Freese hit a two-run triple (thanks in part to terrible defense by Nelson Cruz) to tie the game. Then, after the Cardinals tied the game again on a last strike single in the 10th inning, Freese led off the bottom of the 11th with a walk-off HR. St. Louis would win Game 7 and Freese would be named World Series MVP, to the surprise of no one.

1. ENDING THE 108-YEAR WAIT

Only two teams with a combined 176-year championship drought could’ve produced the drama that unfolded in the 2016 World Series. After the Cleveland Indians took a 3-1 lead, the Chicago Cubs rallied to tie the series. In an incredible Game 7 that saw Chicago jump out to a 5-1 lead, Cleveland even the score at 6-6 on a Rajai Davis HR, and a downpour delay the game for 17 minutes, it was the Cubs who held on to snap the longest championship drought in North American pro sports history. Cleveland, meanwhile, lost the ability to joke about blown 3-1 leads.

ONE LAST THING

Well… he was right!

Aside from accidentally creating perhaps the biggest non-Bartolo baseball mey-mey of the decade, Bryce Harper’s biggest contribution to the Washington Nationals’ title run was… not being there. Once thought of as the savior of the franchise, the former NL MVP fucked off to the NL East rival Philadelphia Phillies for all of the money and left his old team for dead. Instead, the Phillies failed to make the playoffs and Harper was at home while the Nationals clinched a spot in the Fall Classic — the day before his birthday. I mean… this was written in the stars.

With Washington’s World Series win, Harper has now become the modern day face of the Ewing Theory (named after Patrick Ewing), an explanation for when a team does unexpectedly better with the departure/injury of a star player. A popular is Ewing himself, after his 8-seed New York Knicks advanced to the 1999 NBA Finals despite him being knocked out of action with an injury. Other examples include:

– Tennessee winning the 1998 BCS National Championship the year after Peyton Manning leaves for the NFL

– The yankees winning the World Series immediately before and after the career of Don Mattingly

– The Rams and Patriots winning Super Bowls after the injuries to Trent Green and Drew Bledsoe

– The lakers winning the 1972 NBA Finals after the retirement of Elgin Baylor

– Stanford winning the 2013 Rose Bowl after the departures of Jim Harbaugh and Andrew Luck

– The Red Sox winning the 2004 World Series after trading Nomar Garciaparra

But this might be the most straight forward, clearest example since Manning. Even after Strasmus and the arrival of Max Scherzer, Harper was THE guy for the Nationals for nearly a decade, becoming the face of the team during its regular season highs and playoff lows. Now, despite the hundreds of millions of dollars coming his way, he can’t escape the incredible success his old team achieved after years of his own failure.

Can you imagine how Harper’s feeling right now? Oh wait, yes I can.

Ruben Dominguez

Commissioner, Epic League of Epic Epicness

15,379,284th Biggest Kurt Suzuki Fan, Northern California