Ruben's Writings

Greetings from the Bay Area, where not too long ago my return flight home landed.

Anyway, to get back to the point I started last week — yes, I took a trip to Italy! I hadn’t been overseas in three years (which for me is an eternity) and hadn’t been on vacation for an eternity (this was before the whole Hall of Fame, Dallas, and Seattle trips), so being vaccinated and dying to travel I decided to take a look at where to go. Unfortunately, my top-priority destination — Australia (I still want to complete my continental goal) — is still closed off due to the pandemic and will likely remain so well into 2022. So I got to thinking — where have I wanted to go for a while. Of all the countries I hadn’t visited, Italy immediately sprung forward for several reasons.

First and foremost are the two F’s that are central to being Italian — food and football (soccer). As a huge fan of both of those things, I knew I had to experience them at their apex in Italy. Also, I’m quite interested in history (that was one of the main reasons I chose Japan for my first international trip). Italy’s capital is Rome, one of the oldest human settlements in the world and the home of iconic, historic architecture, societal practices, and various figures. Italy is also, you know, fucking gorgeous and in a pretty perfect climate. There were a lot of reasons I chose to visit Italy, but there were also parts of my trip I could not have prepared for (in good and bad ways). Also, if you’re going to travel now, be sure to fill out the thousands of forms and other bits of paperwork needed to visit countries well ahead of time. 

Because I know I’m going to get plenty of questions about this, let’s get it out of the way (I took all of the following pictures BTW).

RUBEN’S RANKINGS

TOP 10 PARTS OF MY TRIP TO ITALYHONORABLE MENTION: SAN MARINO

Completely landlocked within Italy is the fifth-smallest country in the world — San Marino. Even though it’s technically in Italy, it’s not technically Italy, so it can’t be part of the final list. However, it’s still within Italy (and a large part of why I went to Rimini in the first place), so it does get an honorable mention. Anyway, San Marino is essentially a bunch of hills with a castle on top. But that castle is super cool and provides some incredible views overlooking parts of eastern Italy. I didn’t expect San Marino to be a highlight of my trip, but it provided an incredible experience.

HONORABLE MENTION: THE JUNK FOOD

Separate from another item on this list is the processed/junk foods I bought at the stores/airports to save a little money. I always like to see what sweets/chips there are that aren’t available in the U.S. While Italy did well with some interesting chip flavors and new types of sports drinks (like blood orange Powerade), it was the U.K. that really stood out to me. On the sweet side, there were skittles without the hard shell and new mentos flavors like watermelon, blueberry, and green apple. But my favorite one was the brand of Walkers (their version of Lays) flavored like KFC.

HONORABLE MENTION: THE IN-BETWEEN

I took a lot of trains during my time in Italy, going from Milan to Rome to Bologna to Rimini and back to Milan again. Whenever we weren’t going through tunnels, I was treated to a rolling view of Italy’s countryside. Believe me when I say it was gorgeous. Think of every background of a scene at an Italian winery or cottage — the green and yellow hills dotted with trees, vineyards, and the occasional small, 15th-century building. That’s what I was able to see in the several hours I spent rocketing up and down the length of Italy (well the northern/central part anyway).

10. VATICAN CITY

Also inside Italy is THE smallest country in the world — Vatican City. As you’d expect, it’s home to the Pope and the most sacred place in the Catholic Church. It contains St. Peter’s Basilica, the Sistine Chapel, and the Vatican museums, which feature some of the most famous paintings and sculptures in the world. Given that the lines to get into those sites were at minimum an hour long and I didn’t want to stand in the sweltering sun for that long, I decided to skip out. But while I’m not particularly religious myself, I couldn’t skip going to Vatican City in general. Even I felt a sense of spirituality walking through the area, with priests and nuns of various backgrounds admiring everything and finally reaching this holiest of sites. Now, while it’s technically its own country, it’s also technically within Italy — in fact entirely within Rome. Its capital city (like Italy) is Rome, giving Rome the unique distinction of being the capital of two countries. Without getting too technical, I still count Vatican City as part of Italy — it’s noteworthy enough to be included on this Italian list.

9. MILAN

My first stop in Italy was Milan, where I had intended to catch a Champions League match between A.C. Milan and Atletico Madrid. However, a late COVID-19 test result and British Airways’ absurd boarding schedule forced me to get a later flight that caused me to miss the match (Milan ended up losing on kind of a bullshit penalty in stoppage time, so at least I didn’t have to see that). Anyway, I still had a whole day to screw around in Milan. So screw around I did. While Milan may be a world famous city, it doesn’t have as many tourist attractions compared to other major areas in Italy (it’s more known for being a fashion landmark). However, it does have arguably the most incredible place of worship I’ve ever seen in the Duomo di Milano. That also happens to be right next to the Galleria Vittorio Emanuele II — the most ornate, luxurious, posh shopping center I’ve ever been in (even more impressive given that I had just been to London). Milan also gave me a good introduction to the intricate streets of Italy that I’d be walking through.

8. THE FOOD (DESSERT)

The Italians know how to do food — Italian food might even be tied with Mexican food as my favorite type of food. While they’re more well known for their entrees and other dishes (of believe me I’ll get to that soon), their desserts oftem fly under the radar. Probably the most well-known of the Italian deserts is gelato, which is a better version of ice cream. About a third of all restaurants I saw in Italy specialized in gelato (the other two thirds were either pizzerias or, surprisingly, Asian food). I had several different flavors, including raspberry, lemon, and vanilla (my personal favorite — I’m a purist). While gelato lived up to the hype, there were other desserts that I indulged in during my travels. Two in particular stood out. There was something called “crema di limone,” which as you might’ve guessed is a lemon-flavored cream dish that was surpsisingly refreshing. Then there was what’s pictured above — a pair of donuts (that are essentially churros but with the cinnamon replaced with even more sugar) covered in melted chocolate. So goddamn delicious.

7. BOLOGNA

I didn’t expect to have Bologna above Milan on this list, especially since I technically stayed in Milan about three times as long as I did Bologna. However, the main central area of the city (where I stayed) charmed the hell out of me. The sidewalks are built right into the side of the old buildings — it kind of reminded me of Old Sac, except replace the wooden walkway with intricate marble and the cobblestones with… well, older cobblestones. But as cool as the city is during the day, it gets even better at night. The walkways light up and the people come out to play. There are so many restaurants to pick from, each of them selling pasta with bolognese sauce (that’s where it came from). Honestly, it was here more than anywhere else I went that I got a sense of what it felt to live like in the olden days (especially since my hostel keys were legit old school keys. Many of you may wonder why I chose Bologna of all places to spend a night. Well, that’s because of an activity I did — that happened to be the last thing I did during my Bologna visit.

6. BOLOGNA VS. LAZIO

While I have a favorite English (Manchester United), German (Borussia Dortmund), and even Spanish (Valencia) soccer team, I had yet to claim a favorite Italian team. That changed after I watched Bologna FC vs. SS Lazio. That match happened to be the one Seria A match that could nicely fit into my travel schedule without a major adjustment or getting into Rimini after midnight. Now while I didn’t have a favorite team, I did have a team I particularly dislike — Lazio, which has a massive supporter group with a disturbing history of right-wing extremism and straight of facism (their colors are also light blue, which reminds me of Manchester City [fuck them]). I even have a soft sport for AS Roma, Lazio’s eternal rival. I wanted them to lose, but I didn’t expect it — Lazio are bigger and more prestigious than Bologna, who last won Serie A in 1964. But then Musa Barrow unleashed a strike from God right in front of me and Bologna came away with a shocking 3-0 win. While I still cheer for Roma, my Italian allegiance has been officially declared to Bologna.

5. WALKING THE STREETS

While I like taking public transport in countries with vastly more developed systems than the U.S., I love walking through the cities I’ve visited. Not only is it a way for me to save a little money by not paying bus/subway fare (and work off the calories of the shit ton of food I’ve eaten), but it also gives me a rare glimpse into a world I previously had only imagined. Whether it be wandering through some of the major tourist areas lined with colorful shops and restaurants to the old town areas with streets twice as old as my country to the modern downtown centers that give a foreign perspective on the current world to even the neighborhoods and parks, being able to see what it’s like to live in a place that’s not only outside of my city, but thousands of miles away, is incredibly fascinating to me. Getting to see even the basic aspects of foreign society in action gives me a better perspective on life. Italy — with perhaps the exception of Japan — provided some of the most interesting examples of this, throwing in millions of motorcycles and Fiat cars with them. 

4. ITALY VS. SPAIN

While I was disappointed to have missed the A.C. Milan-Atletico Madrid game, I was still determined to visit the San Siro, which is one of the most iconic soccer venues in the world. Fortunately, there was another chance – the Italian national team was playing Spain in the UEFA Nations League (a new tournament many in Europe don’t give much of a shit about) semi-finals on the last day of my trip. I was somehow able to get tickets and got back to Milan on my last day. As a soccer fan, holy shit did the San Siro live up to the hype. A massive, uniquely designed stadium filled (well because of COVID it was at 50-75% capacity) with crazy, loud, passionate Italians and Spaniards. The quality of soccer was also excellent (these are national teams after all). However, this match probably would’ve been a bit higher on the list had Italy not lost – Spain won 2-1 after Italy went down to 10 men in the first half. This was Italy’s first competitive loss in 38 games and one of the first (if not the first) at the San Siro. Sorry for the accidental jinx!

3. THE FOOD (MAIN ITEMS)

Back to food – the main dishes this time. As I mentioned earlier, food was one of the biggest reasons I chose to go to Italy. I was hyped about the food and not just because everyone was asking me to take pics of everything I ate. Somehow, Italian food more than lived up to those expectations. The first dish I had was (of course) margherita pizza. Sitting in a restaurant in Rome, I carved up a slice (they don’t come pre-cut), took my first bite, and exclaimed “YES!” so loudly I startled the people sitting next to me. That was from the only pizza I ate (I also enjoyed one with prosciutto and one with spicy salami [diavolo]) and it took tremendous effort to not order pizza for every meal. Fortunately, I toughed it out and enjoyed everything from pasta with Bolognese sauce (in Bologna), ravioli, spaghetti carbonara, sausage, and various things with prosciutto (including paninis, piadinas, and other sandwiches. The only downside is that I fear I’ve ruined myself for Italian food back home – everything else won’t be able to compare to that.

2. RIMINI

Going into the trip, I expected nothing from Rimini other than a convenient way to get to San Marino. But Rimini surprised me in so many ways. Some of my low-key favorite vacation memories have come from visits to small beach towns — I’ve always been a fan of the coast. Rimini is essentially a beach town, albeit as Italian as a beach town can get. But the scenery was incredible — the sand was incredibly soft and the water wasn’t too cool, allowing me the chance to walk along the coast of the Adriatic Sea without greatly impacting my feet (which were pretty beat up from walking everywhere). Taking a look at the sea, the buildings stretched across the coast, it dawned on my that I was chilling on a beach on vacation in Europe. Maybe it was because I hadn’t been to a beach in forever, but that moment truly impacted me. Rimini also gets a boost because of its surprisingly good food scene. There was a pirate-themed restaurant and another that had literal award-winning pizza — of course I tried it and it was naturally fucking incredible.  

1. ROME

Rome is a hell of a city, not just because it’s basically the birth of European civilization and one of the most ancient sites in the world. But that certainly has a lot to do with it. Rome is divided into about two dozen areas, a lot of which are dangerous to visit (and even the ones that aren’t are filled with people trying to scam/pickpocket you). But despite all of that, the positives of Rome are simply incredible. Italy’s capital city is filled with iconic sights like the Colosseum, Pantheon, Spanish Steps, and the Trevi Fountain. It’s also filled with delicious restaurants and shops that sell everything from souvenirs to expensive suits and purses. Quite often, they interact – on one side of the street there will be a gelato shop and on the other there will be literal ancient ruins. The past and present have never merged as one quite like they do in Rome. The Eternal City was rightfully the most memorable part of my whole trip. It didn’t hurt that Rome was where I had pizza with prosciutto (and such a flaky crust) and gelato for the first time. Fuck, I want to go back.

(cue theme music)

RECAP OF LAST WEEK

COLE BEASLEY’S BRAIN CELL (3-1) DEF. C’S NEW CHAMP TEAM (3-1)

126.76 – 84.90

Holy shit I need to go overseas more often! Not only did I go 2-0 on the other side of the Atlantic Ocean, but Cole Beasley’s Brain Cell beat the first place team each week. This time it was C’s New Champ Team, which for sure didn’t play like the top team. Matt Stafford (20 points), Justin Tucker (13 points) and Chase Edmonds (13 points) were the only ones to do well — they made up more than half of Chriss’ point total. Dalvin Cook, Chris Carson, T.J. Hockenson, and the Lions defense (I get playing the matchups, but why the hell would you ever trust Detroit’s?) all were terrible, while the rest were mediocre at best. That being said, my own lineup had the makings of a bad day as well — Logan Thomas got hurt before he could do anything, D’Andre Swift did nothing, the Rams defense was in the negative, and Tom Brady had his worst game of the season. But none of that mattered because D.J. Moore (25 points), Saquon Barkley (24 points), and David Montgomery (22 points) were gods. Shoutout to Tyler Bass (16 points), too. 

49ERS (4-0) DEF. THREE EYED RAVENS (1-3)

133.82 – 84.74

That precarious spot at the top is now occupied by a team quite familiar with first place (at least in the regular season). 49ers are no longer flying under the radar — they’re the only unbeaten team in the league. Gee’s lineup put together another great performance, led by a pair of 24-point efforts from Aaron Rodgers and Terry McLaurin. Jonathan Taylor (17 points), Najee Harris (15 points), Jared Cook (13 points), Joe Mixon (12 points), and Roquan Smith (12 points) also added great days of their own, propelling Gee into an indomitable position. Much like in the above matchup, all of that ended up being unnecessary, because their opponent played like trash. Three Eyed Ravens didn’t have a 20-point performance (Lamar Jackson got the closest with 19 points). Justin Jefferson (14 points), DeVonta Smith (12 points), and Alvin Kamara (12 points) were the only other non-disappointments (looking at you Juju-Smith Schuster, George Kittle, and the Chiefs defense). Ewing has to figure something out soon, before his season stumbles away.

YEA BABY! (1-3) DEF. SLEEPING GIANTS (2-2)

124.92 – 102.02

While we still have one remaining unbeaten team, we no longer have any winless teams (I think Week 5 is a new league record). That’s because Yea baby! finally got past its curse, maybe by playing the historically more cursed team in Sleeping Giants. Arik has a couple of Bills — Josh Allen (22 points) and Buffalo’s defense (23 points) — to thank, along with Deebo Samuel (27 points). That was more than enough to compensate for pretty bad days from Marvin Jones and Myles Sanders. Meanwhile, Pat Mahomes (32 points) went off for Dad as usual. But apart from Dawson Knox (15 points) and Marquise Brown (15 points), no one else lent their support. Adam Thielen, Aaron Jones, CeeDee Lamb, Tony Pollard, and the Saints defense in particular were not good at all, allowing Arik to jump from the winless pile at Dad’s expense. To complete the pain, Arik beat Dad despite the absence of Christian McCaffrey, who spent most of last season injured and out of Dad’s lineup. See Dad, you CAN win even without the top overall pick in the draft! 

DIXIE NORMOUS (3-1) DEF. FEEL THE TANNE-THRILL (1-3)

140.22 – 81.82

Goddamn — thanks for not putting up that many points last week, Dixie Normous! Nick returned to the win column in dominating fashion, absolutely destroying Feel the Tanne-thrill. For the first time in several weeks, Tyreek Hill (36 points) looked like his old self, making up for lost time. Dak Prescott (27 points) and Austin Ekeler (26 points) also returned to form — Hill, Prescott, and Ekeler alone would’ve beaten Kyle. Throw in solid efforts from Darrell Henderson and Dallas Goedert and Nick ran away with this one. Nick must’ve seen his newly beloved Tottenham get the shit beaten out of them by Arsenal and decided to avenge them by beating Arsenal fan Kyle. Mission accomplished! But much like Arsenal historically, the ass-whooping was also brought on by self-inflicted wounds. Joe Burrow (22 points) may have went off and Zack Moss (12 points) and Kareem Hunt (12 points) may have done decently, but Travis Kelce, Chris Godwin, Davante Adams, Damien Harris, and the Bengals defense all let Kyle down and continued his bad start.  

THE KRISPY KRITTERS (2-2) DEF. JOP SUEY!!! (1-3)119.78 – 85.32

The weekly bitching about my luck against Jop Suey!!! begins. Taylor has now scored fewer than 90 points in three of four games this season — THE ONLY EXCEPTION WAS AGAINST ME. I’d be unbeaten otherwise, not that I’m bitter or anything. Anyway, once again Taylor’s lineup fell flat on its face, with the exception of Kyler Murray (22 points), Antonio Gibson (13 points), and maybe a couple of others. But Keenan Allen, Odell Beckham Jr., Myles Gaskin, and the Dolphins defense were terrible. All of this was good news for the Krispy Kritters, who have already earned more wins than they did all of last year (yeah Richard couldn’t technically control his lineup, but still). Richard’s RBs — Derrick Henry (23 points), Clyde Edwards-Helaire (17 points), and Leonard Fournette (13 points) — came through big time, while Justin Herbert put together another good performance (more on that later, sadly). While Mecole Hardman and Tyler Lockett weren’t up to stuff, Richard had more than enough breathing room thanks to the RBs and Taylor’s ineptitude.

GRUDEN GRINDERS (2-2) DEF. FOOTBALLDAMUS (1-3)

108.66 – 97.98

Even though the matchup between Gruden Grinders and Footballdamus was decided by double-digits, this was still the closest and most intriguing one of the week (kind of a sad face about out league). Both Jimmy and Riez got solid production from the same positions — QB and WR. Jalen Hurts (28 points) and D.K. Metcalf (12 points) did well for Riez — ditto for Russell Wilson (22 points) and Amari Cooper (12 points) for Jimmy. A big difference came in RBs — Ezekiel Elliott (20 points) and James Robinson (19 points) finally gave Jimmy the push he’s been looking for, even though Nick Chubb and J.D. McKissic didn’t do poorly for Riez. However, Jimmy did leave some room open with Sony Michel’s negative performance and Robbie Gould’s injury. In the end, it came down to Monday Night. While the Raiders themselves let Jimmy down (again, sadly more on that later), Darren Waller (12 points) and Denzel Perryman (12 points) came through. Mike Williams however did not, dropping the ball for Riez after a monster performance last week.

STANDINGS

LEAGUE STANDINGS:

1. 49ers (4-0)
2. Dixie Normous (3-1)
3. Cole Beasley’s Brain Cell (3-1)
4. C’s New Champ Team (3-1)
5. The Krispy Kritters (2-2)
6. Gruden Grinders (2-2)
7. Sleeping Giants (2-2)
8. Yea baby! (1-3)
9. Footballdamus (1-3)
10. Feel the Tanne-thrill (1-3)
11. Three Eyed Ravens (1-3)
12. Jop Suey!!! (1-3)

THE RACE FOR MARSHALL:

1. Dixie Normous (508.74)
2. 49ers (482.12)
3. Cole Beasley’s Brain Cell (466.84)
4. The Krispy Kritters (441.52)
5. Gruden Grinders (438.86)
6. C’s New Champ Team (437.68)
7. Sleeping Giants (432.82)
8. Yea baby! (422.40)
9. Footballdamus (392.18)
10. Feel the Tanne-thrill (385.36)
11. Three Eyed Ravens (364.72)
12. Jop Suey!!! (351.78)

BEST & WORST

UNEXPECTED PERFORMANCE

BEST: Now while it isn’t exactly unexpected for Tyreek Hill and Austin Ekeler to put up serious point totals, their seasons before this past weekend had been disappointing at best. But then Week 4 rolled around and both returned to form. Hill put up a whopping 36 points, while Ekeler contributed another 26 points for Dixie Normous, allowing Nick to bounce back in a big way.

WORST: This one has to go to C’s New Champ Team, who didn’t even put up 85 points as the first place, highest-scoring team. While as a whole Chriss’ roster didn’t do him any favors, two players stick out in particular. A hobbled Dalvin Cook looked like a shell of himself against a good Browns defense, while Chris Carson was simply a non-factor as the Seahawks beat the 49ers.

TRANSACTION

BEST: Yet another goddamn trade! Once again, Jop Suey!!! is at the center of it. This time, it’s Yea baby! who played ball, sending Taylor Calvin Ridley and Ty’Son Williams in exchange for Deebo Samuel and Chuba Hubbard. This week, Samuel put up a monster 27-point effort, which was a major help for getting Arik in the win column. He still would’ve won, but this still was nice.

WORST: Alright stay with me here, because it may confuse you as to what Jop Suey!!! did. First, Taylor dropped Trey Sermon (who did well this past week), in exchange for Eli Mitchell, who he then dropped for Le’Veon Bell (who did shit). Then, Taylor cut Myles Gaskin for Michael Carter, only to drop him for Samaje Perine. As you might’ve guessed, Carter did well; Perine did not.

LINEUP DECISION

BEST: It’s one thing to stick with Ezekiel Elliott after a slow start and be rewarded. It’s another to keep the faith in James Robinson in spite of the Jaguars being terrible and Urban Meyer grinding away at futility. Instead of swapping him for Trey Sermon, Gruden Grinders kept Robinson in the lineup and saw an 11-point difference — that was Jimmy’s margin of victory.

WORST: While this one decision wouldn’t have erased a 60-point deficit, it would’ve at least cut it in half. I can’t ignore Cordarrelle Patterson’s 29 points being wasted on Feel the Tanne-thrill’s bench. Instead of going with Damien Harris (who just barely qualified for multiple points), Kyle could’ve kept up in the all-important race for the Marshall Faulk helmet with those extra points.

LUCK

BEST: This could go to a couple of people, but I’m gonna give this one to myself for one main reason — I’ve been in fucking Europe over the past two weeks and unable to even see my lineup unless I have a perfect wifi connection. The fact that Cole Beasley’s Brain Cell still went 2-0 is a testament not just to my skills at drafting, but the fact that my lineup overperformed twice.

WORST: Anytime you become the first person to lose to the only winless team in the league, you’re gonna get the bad luck award. Despite Sleeping Giants getting a huge day from their beloved Pat Mahomes, there were enough holes in the lineup to allow Yea baby! to get the win. To make matters worse, it was Deebo Samuel (on Dad’s favorite team) who helped Arik the most.

WEEKLY RAIDERS RANT

If your favorite team suffers its first lost of the season (technically the Raiders were the final unbeaten team in the AFC) at the hands of a divisional rival while you were sleeping due to the time difference, does it really count?

After combing through the highlights, I’ve noticed some troubling signs. Once again, the offense took a few drives to get going. That’s been a problem in every game this year and it finally caught up to us — the Chargers are too good of a team to be spotted a 21-0 lead. Jon Gruden’s offense has a disturbing tendency to stall out, which totally doesn’t scare me when it comes to yet another potential second half collapse. I’m honestly surprised our defense even did enough to hold Los Angeles down and allow Las Vegas to attempt a comeback. But amid the defense’s surprising performance lies another problem — the running game. I thought it was just the Baltimore Ravens being good and Najee Harris being a beast. However, our run defense appears to have gotten even worse than last year. Austin Ekeler finally had his first big game of the season (allowing the Chargers to perfectly balance Justin Herbert’s solid game) and it’s not a coincidence it came at our expense. The Raiders do have an easy schedule going forward (especially with the Chicago Bears’ inept offense and a Denver Broncos squad possibly still without Teddy Bridgewater), but these holes could allow lesser teams to stay with Las Vegas (just take the Miami Dolphins). I remain cautiously pessimistic about this team, except for Hunter Renfrow, the hardest hitting WR in the league!

Also, how the fuck do you have a weather delay IN A DOME? Fucking Chargers…  

STAT OF THE WEEK

We interrupt your scheduled football talk to remind you — FUCK THE YANKEES!!! Fuck arrogant ass Aaron Boone and his lineup of entitled brats. Fuck A-Rod and his piss poor, biased commentary. Fuck even Bronxie — we’re feasting on turtle soup, baby! 

DDDDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA JANKEES LLLOOOOOOOOOOSSSSSSSEEEEEE!!!!

Okay back to football.

So not only have I basically missed two weeks of football, but those two weeks have been part of arguably the most exciting first quarter of an NFL season in half a century. Cool cool cool…

#THROWBACKTHURSDAY

ON THIS DAY IN NFL HISTORY:

On October 7, 1984, and October 7, 2012, incredible NFL records were broken in games involving the New Orleans Saints. The year before they set a historic mark for defense, the Chicago Bears made history on the ground. Going into a showdown with the Saints, Walter Payton stood just 66 yards behind Jim Brown for the most total rushing yards in NFL history. As the Soldier Field crowd chanted, “Walter!,” Chicago called Toss 28 Weak, a play Payton had run countless times. But this was different — this six-yard gain was the one that put Payton past Brown’s mark of 12,312 yards. Payton would finish with 154 yards, also breaking a record he shared with Brown of 59 games with 100 rushing yards. After the game (which the Bears won 20-7), Payton received a call from then-president Ronald Reagan, who was flying aboard Air Force One for that night’s debate with Walter Mondale. Payton would finish with 16,726 career rushing yards, a mark that has only been surpassed by Emmitt Smith. Fast forward 28 years later and another historic NFL mark was surpassed. Despite the recent passing surge, Johnny Unitas still held the NFL record for consecutive games with a TD pass (47). However, Unitas was finally caught by Drew Brees in 2012. New Orleans may have been 0-4 going into their game with the San Diego Chargers, but Brees (with a shot at setting the record against his former team) would not be stopped. He took care of business quickly at the Superdome, hitting Devery Henderson with a 40-yard bomb in the 1st quarter to make it 48 straight games with a TD pass. Brees finished with 370 yards and 4 TDs as New Orleans held on to win 31-24. Brees would extend his record six times, before the Atlanta Falcons of all teams stopped his streak at 54. Brees then immediately began another long streak, which was broken at 45 games. Tom Brady and Peyton Manning have since produced streaks of 50+ games with a TD pass, although they came up just short of Brees’ record, which still stands today.

While this may not be NFL history, I would be mistaken to not write at least a little about another historic moment in football history. On October 7, 1916, Georgia Tech laid down arguably the most decisive ass-whooping in the history of sports. The background of this game goes back to the meeting between Georgia Tech and Cumberland College’s baseball teams earlier that year. Cumberland had won 22-0, although there were allegations the Bulldogs had been using ringers. A few months later — before football season — Cumberland actually canceled its program. However, Georgia Tech refused to allow Cumberland to forfeit their scheduled game, threatening a huge fine if the Bulldogs didn’t show up. Cumberland’s team manager was able to put together a squad to face a team that would end up winning the national championship the following season. Georgia Tech’s football coach — who doubled as the baseball coach — also wanted revenge for the 22-0 result. That coach — John Heisman, who also wanted to prove another point. Sportswriters ranked teams based on how many points were scored, which Heisman considered stupid. All of that led to an on-field domination that remains bewildering. Georgia Tech led 63-0 after the 1st quarter and 126-0 at halftime. 97% of all plays took place in Cumberland’s half of the field, with 64% occurring in their red zone. Cumberland finished with about half as many turnovers (15) as yards… if you make it negative (the Bulldogs had -28 combined yards on the day). That was partially due to their QB being taken out of the game three different times with a concussion. Georgia Tech, meanwhile, scored 32 TDs (with 18 extra points) and gained 922 yards. Despite Heisman literally helping to legalize the forward pass, none of those yards game through the air — every play Georgia Tech ran was a run. The only thing that went in Cumberland’s favor was a blocked extra point (due to a bizarre human pyramid scheme that left one player with serious facial injuries. But that play ended up just cementing the symbolic parallel of the two scores — 22-0 and 222-0. There are so many more amazing details about this game — check out this video by Jon Bois to learn about them. 

THIS WEEK’S MATCHUPS

49ERS (4-0) VS. YEA BABY! (1-3)

Congrats on the win, Yea baby! Your reward — the only unbeaten team in the league. 49ers look to be set for another huge performance, with Aaron Rodgers, Terry McLaurin, Jonathan Taylor, and the Broncos defense facing juicy matchups. The only potential overlap is Najee Harris and any potential production against Denver. To counter Gee, Arik must rely on Deebo Samuel again, along with the likes of Josh Allen and the Vikings defense. Myles Sanders, Chuba Hubbard, and Mark Andrews will all need to improve if Arik wants a shot at the upset victory.

DIXIE NORMOUS (3-1) VS. JOP SUEY!!! (1-3)

The highest-scoring team in the league against the lowest-scoring team in the league. I wonder how this one’s gonna turn out! If Jop Suey!!! wants to make me eat crow, Kyler Murray is gonna need to repeat his performance against the 49ers. Taylor is also gonna need consistency from the likes of Keenan Allen, Calvin Ridley, and Antonio Gibson (and hope Damien Williams can match David Montgomery’s production). Dixie Normous meanwhile can trot out Dak Prescott, Tyreek Hill, Mike Evans, Cooper Kupp, and Austin Ekeler. If Nick doesn’t screw up, he wins.

COLE BEASLEY’S BRAIN CELL (3-1) VS. FOOTBALLDAMUS (1-3)

So how do the football gods reward me for taking down two first place teams? By having one of my breakout RBs (David Montgomery) and my TE (Logan Thomas) be injured. C.J. Uzomah, you’d better step it up for Cole Beasley’s Brain Cell. Tom Brady, D’Andre Swift, and the Rams defense had better get it together (please D.J. Moore and Saquon Barkley keep it up). As for Footballdamus, D.K. Metcalf can doubly impact me chances against Los Angeles. But Mike Williams will conflict with the Browns defense. Riez had better hope Jalen Hurts goes off.

C’S NEW CHAMP TEAM (3-1) VS. FEEL THE TANNE-THRILL (1-3)

An intriguing matchup sits in front of us — C’s New Champ Team is looking to rebound from its first loss and worst performance this season, while Feel the Tanne-thrill needs any win it can to prevent its season from stumbling. Chriss will take the first step towards his goal today, with Matt Staffor, Robert Woods, and Chris Carson in action against each other. Kyle meanwhile will be tuned into Packers-Bengals and Steelers-Broncos, which alone make up nearly half his lineup. Look for the Cardinals and Lions to play important rolls in deciding who wins this matchup.

THE KRISPY KRITTERS (2-2) VS. THREE EYED RAVENS (1-3)

The Krispy Kritters has seen a turbulent start to its season, but Richard nonetheless sits in the top half of the standings at the quarter mark of the season. Justin Herbert, Derrick Henry, and Tyler Lockett have been huge reasons why. All three of them look primed to put up even more points this week. If Mecole Hardman and Clyde Edwards-Helaire can get up to form, Richard should be in the driver’s seat. But despite their record, Three Eyed Ravens has the potential to pull off the upset. Ewing needs Lamar Jackson, Justin Jefferson, and Alvin Kamara to do well. 

GRUDEN GRINDERS (2-2) VS. SLEEPING GIANTS (2-2)

Both Gruden Grinders and Sleeping Giants have had good performances — both have also been terrible. But right now, both Dad and Jimmy may need this win in order to make the playoffs when the season is over. Dad can always rely on Pat Mahomes, but once again it will be up to the other members of the lineup (CeeDee Lamb, Aaron Jones, and Adam Thielen in particular) to push him over the top. Jimmy meanwhile has boom or bust capability with Russell Wilson, Amari Cooper, Ezekiel Elliott, and Darren Waller. Will the boom return this weekend?

ONE LAST THING

While the time difference between the U.S. and Italy (Italy is nine hours ahead) made it difficult to communicate with people back home, it ended up benefiting me in one interesting way – I didn’t have to wake up at 7 a.m. on Tuesday to watch the final character reveal for Super Smash Bros. Ultimate.

Tuning at 4 p.m. instead, I like many others was surprised to find out that Sora – the protagonist of the Kingdom Hearts series – would be joining the game as a downloadable fighter (complete with a stage, spirits, and music). The surprise comes largely from the fact that Nintendo was able to work out a deal with two of the stingiest companies when it comes to copyright infringement – Disney and Square Enix – to allow such a fan favorite character to get in (especially since two other Square Enix characters [Cloud and Sephiroth] are already in the game. While I’ve never played Kingdom Hearts (from what I’ve heard it’s got a damn near incomprehensible plot despite being an excuse for Disney to show off its various intellectual properties), there are thousands and thousands of people who wanted Sora in the game. It was the latest in a series of character reveals that have become more than announcements – they’ve brought the internet to a standstill as fans of various series hope their favorite character gets included. I’m happy for them, but there will never be another chance for a fan base to be that happy.

From basically the start of Ultimate’s predecessor – Super Smash Bros. for Nintendo 3DS/Wii U – to now, the Smash Bros. team – led by Masahiro Sakurai – have been developing the game and creating new, downloadable characters. In Ultimate, they’ve created pretty much the undisputed greatest video game collaboration in history. From regular Nintendo series like Mario, Donkey Kong, The Legend of Zelda, Pokemon, Kirby, Fire Emblem, and Metroid to series that you never thought would ever be in the same game – Minecraft, Sonic, Metal Gear, Street Fighter, Persona, Banjo & Kazooie, and Dragon Quest (not to mention the Mii costumes) – characters from generations of video games have been put into one central game. It’s incredible and Sakurai and his team deserve so much praise for their hard work.

However, that work is now over. Sakurai has confirmed that Sora will be the last character introduced to Ultimate. The game is complete, but that means that we no longer have new details to look forward to. Unlike with the previous Smash Bros. games, there’s no guarantee there will be a future game, especially with all the work that has gone into Ultimate (it’s the only Smash Bros. game to include every single character ever featured). If there is a new game, it’s unlikely that Sakurai will be involved – he’s worked too damn hard over the years and Ultimate is his magnum opus. It’s truly the end of an era.

The first Smash Bros. game came out (Sakurai was involved in that one as well) just before the turn of the millennium about 22 years ago. I played that game for the Nintendo 64 and was an instant fan, even though I didn’t know who half the cast was. I remained devoted through the next two games but eventually I reached a point where I didn’t play really any video games (I didn’t even own a Wii U). But it was Ultimate’s announcement that brought me back in and led to me buying a Switch and reigniting my love of video games.

To put it simply, the Smash Bros. franchise has meant a lot to me. Ultimate’s lifetime is far from over, but the future of the franchise remains in question. For the past two decades, I’d like to thank Sakurai and his team for providing so many memories.

Ruben Dominguez

Commissioner, Epic League of Epic Epicness

2019 Champion, Epic League of Epic Epicness