So this is it, huh?
Before the 2017 NFL season, some league members showed me a newsletter from one of their other leagues and asked — if not dared — me to make one for our league. Not being a bitch and with my competitive writing fires ignited, I took on the challenge. Five years and nearly 100 newsletters — with various, diverse amounts of content — later, we’ve finally reached the end. I’ve had plenty of opportunities to think about it over the past few months, but my decision has not changed. This will be the last newsletter.
It’s been a hell of a ride. Let’s finish it in style.
EPIC BOWL XI RECAP
1. 49ERS DEF. 6. SLEEPING GIANTS
100.42 – 88.96
How fitting is it that the last Epic Bowl to be covered in the newsletter was the one most league members cared the least about, yet ended up being arguably the most exciting Epic League championship game yet. But that excitement had a lot to do with some major stumbles by both 49ers and Sleeping Giants out of the gate. While Gee got good production from Roquan Smith, Tee Higgins failed to catch on like he did last week and the Buccaneers defense struggled with the Jets. But that was nothing compared to what Dad was dealing with. Both Dawson Knox and the Dolphins defense put up goose eggs, while Antonio Brown only managed a few points before he decided to perform a striptease and quit being a football player (more on that later). Gabriel Davis and Nick Folk didn’t help too much. Only productive days from Pat Mahomes (20 points) and Foye Oluokun (16 points) were able to salvage the early game period. While he had the lead, Dad didn’t have many players left to build on it, while Gee still had a few bullets left.
However, it turned out those bullets were blanks. All eyes were on the Cowboys-Cardinals game, where both Dad and Gee had potential points to gain. Dalton Schultz — who had been Dak Prescott’s top target in recent weeks — failed to do much. Because of the situation and score, Greg Zuerlein was only called into action twice — both times for extra points. The only positive that came from the game for Gee was that CeeDee Lamb failed to do anything too productive to help build Dad’s lead. At the same time, another of Gee’s recent darlings — Javonte Williams — was also failing to get going. Suddenly, Gee didn’t have a whole lot of ammo left, but was still trailing. To make matters worse, all Gee had to do was look at his bench. Amon-Ra St. Brown (27 points) and Darrel Williams (20 points) would’ve had this game wrapped up by now. Gee had gotten lucky with bad luck from his opponents in the first two rounds. Was his luck finally beginning to turn on him at the worst possible time — once again?
The effort to cut into the lead began with the Sunday Night Football contest, with both Gee and Dad having players at stake. Unfortunately for Gee, one of his most productive players all year — Justin Jefferson — would be hampered by Kirk Cousins’ positive test and subsequently having Sean Mannion as QB. However, Gee’s saving grace would be his own QB, Aaron Rodgers (20 points), who torched the Vikings to the usual degree. Still, Dad managed to fend off most of Gee’s offensive push thanks to the reliable Aaron Jones, who put together another solid day. But Jones’ day could’ve been even better, had A.J. Dillon not been handed the brunt of the Packers’ carries (and two TDs) towards the end of the game. At the end of the night, Dad still had the lead — a 15-point lead to be exact — but had no players left. Gee only had one going on Monday. Yahoo! gave both Dad and Gee a 50% chance to win the title at that point in time. It was now up to that one player, who would end up determining the Epic League champion.
Two years ago, Gee watched as Kenyan Drake ran away with his chances to win the title. Just last year, Alvin Kamara ran through Gee’s lineup before he even had a chance to reach for the trophy. But this year, it was Gee who had the star RB going in crunch time. Against a battered, depleted Browns defense, Najee Harris (26 points) was unstoppable. As the Steelers offense struggled to get going in the first half, Harris still got bits and pieces, crossing the halfway point needed for victory before halftime. Narris’ first run in the second half was for 30 yards, basically making it only a matter of time. That time finally arrived about halfway through the 4th quarter, as Gee finally took the lead. But there was still a slim chance of a late fumble to run the whole comeback. However, Harris put those worries to bed with a 37-yard TD in the closing minutes. As Harris burst through the line and into the end zone, I felt a small earthquake. That was probably Gee channeling the Hulk, finally able to celebrate after three heartbreaking years.
IN MEMORIAM
SLEEPING GIANTS (DAD)
Inconsistency, injury, irritation, and incredible luck. All of those describe the Sleeping Giants season. Dad had a smart draft, picking up Aaron Jones and Pat Mahomes early. However, Gus Edwards, Jerry Jeudy, Trey Sermon, and Adam Thielen would end the season injured. Dad was able to plug away and pull the strings to fill out a lineup each week, although the results were anything but predictable. One particular stretch saw Dad score 96, 66, 120, 79, 128, and 81 points in a row. However, within that inconsistency came one huge stroke of luck. Dad got some unexpectedly good fortune when he beat Kyle by less than a tenth of a point. If that was a loss, Dad ends up the No. 8 seed and gets killed in the first round. Instead, Dad got to take advantage of poor performances by Arik and Nick, allowing Dad to sneak into just his second Epic Bowl. That good luck ultimately ran out, as a late championship game lead slipped away. While Dad fell short of the ultimate goal, he pretty much got as far as he possibly could have given his lineup.
IN VICTORY
49ERS (GEE)
Much like many can’t appreciate what Alabama has done to dominate college football because they win a lot, Gee’s overall dominance of the past few years has gone underappreciated. For the third straight year, Gee finished as the No. 1 seed, easily scoring more than anyone else in the league. This was due to great draft moves (Jonathan Taylor, Joe Mixon), great waiver wire pickups (Javonte Williams, Dalton Schultz), and two incredible trades. Just one week into the season, Gee sent Kyler Murray and Myles Gaskin to Taylor for Aaron Rodgers and Najee Harris, who would become two pillars of his roster. Then, Gee sent Joe Mixon and Brandin Cooks to Ewing for Justin Jefferson. With the Death Star complete, it was only a matter of time. But unlike in years past, Gee had something else with him — luck. Surviving a quarter-finals upset, having Kyle miss so many lineup decisions, and seeing his Epic Bowl opponent stumble worse than him. Yes, Gee got lucky this year. But it was a long time coming. Now, Gee’s fantasy legacy is secure.
YAHOO! REVIEW
Poor Yahoo!. It diligently tries to predict everything from player performances to games and even who will make the playoffs. It’s got a good reason to be confident — Yahoo! can instantly access the complete history of stats and players in NFL history. Plus, it has the ability to calculate complex formulas to predict what will happen. But like there’s a reason the person who predicts each matchup based on favorite colors wins their NCAA Tournament pool, there’s a reason Yahoo! rarely gets anything right. For fun, let’s look at how Yahoo! predicted the Epic League would finish — back on draft day.
Well… it got Taylor right (even though not even we predicted he’d finish winless). But the fact that it nailed Taylor and Jimmy finishing towards the bottom of the standings doesn’t forgive the fact that it had Gee and Dad — the two Epic Bowl participants — also missing the playoffs. Arik is now desperately wishing for this reality, which might’ve been the case for Chriss had his luck not turned to complete shit and Ewing had he gotten engaged at the beginning of the season. Of course, this was only taking into account draft picks, not moves made during the season. Those kinds of moves include trades, so let’s do our big annual trade review!
Going in chronological order…PLAYERS RECEIVED
49ERS: Aaron Rodgers, Najee Harris
JOP SUEY!!!: Kyler Murray, Myles Gaskin
This trade was stupid back when it was made (after only Week fucking 1) and it’s even dumber now. Taylor saw just one game from Aaron Rodgers, saw he was washed, and traded him for Kyler Murray. While good early on, Murray got hurt and missed several weeks, then was just okay upon his return. Rodgers meanwhile made some interesting off-field remarks, but still put together a likely second MVP campaign in a row. Throw in the fact Gee also got Najee Harris while giving up just Myles Gaskin and there’s a reason Gee and Taylor finished where they did.
PLAYERS RECEIVED
YEA BABY!: Deebo Samuel, Chuba Hubbard
JOP SUEY!!!: Calvin Ridley, Ty’Son Williams
When Christian McCaffrey went down early on, Arik figured a quick fix would come in the form of McCaffrey’s backup, Chuba Hubbard. The problem? Hubbard was on Taylor’s roster. So Arik offered up Calvin Ridley and Ty’Son Williams. Taylor, wanting to break his weeks-old record for “Dumbest Trade Ever,” threw in Deebo Samuel as well. While Hubbard was a decent backup, the real prize was Samuel, who became an absolute beast as the season went on. Williams meantime quickly fell off, while Ridley literally stopped playing due to mental health issues.PLAYERS RECEIVED
JOP SUEY!!!: George Kittle
THREE EYED RAVENS: Mike Gesicki, Allen Robinson
Wait… do my eyes deceive me? Is that a trade that actually went in Taylor’s favor? Only would a team that (apart from one month) was in contention for worst in the league agree to this. In a classic case of “quantity over quality,” Ewing forked over George Kittle in exchange for Mike Gesicki and Allen Robinson. However, those two never put up the production Kittle did, even considering Kittle’s injury. Ewing essentially traded one spot of no production for two. But Taylor shouldn’t feel too good — by the time Kittle was truly back, he had already slipped well behind.
PLAYERS RECEIVED
THREE EYED RAVENS: James Conner, Miles Sanders, Mark Andrews
YEA BABY!: Alvin Kamara, Mike Gesicki
After three terrible trades, we’re finally getting into some exchanges that require critical thinking and compliments to both parties. At this point in the season, Ewing was desperate and Arik was looking for another major piece. That came in the form of Alvin Kamara, who performed largely well when he wasn’t injured. Mike Gesicki was largely window dressing, as it turned out was Miles Sanders. In James Conner, Ewing got someone who became a beast as the season went on. Throw in the already established beast of Mark Andrews and Ewing walked away smiling.
PLAYERS RECEIVED
YEA BABY!: Cordarrelle Patterson, Ryan Tannehill
THIS W’S FOR GODWIN: Christian McCaffrey, Josh Allen
If done at the start of the season, this trade would’ve been categorized as a robbery worse than the one Herschel Walker was involved in. But at the time, Christian McCaffrey was injured, making his inclusion more of a way for Arik to sweeten the pot than a coup for Kyle. Had he actually been able to play, McCaffrey might’ve been the steal of the season. But instead he remained on Kyle’s bench. Josh Allen did play exceptionally well, as did Cordarrelle Patterson (though both had their moments). But it was Ryan Tannehill who would soon be on the move.PLAYERS RECEIVED
YEA BABY!: Kenneth Gainwell, Russell Wilson
HOG WILD: Ryan Tannehill
Kenneth Gainwell is basically a non-factor here. This was essentially Ryan Tannehill for Russell Wilson. When combined with the trade above, Arik basically got Wilson and Cordarrelle Patterson for Josh Allen (Gainwell somehow contributed more than Christian McCaffrey). That makes the situation a lot better for Arik. While Wilson didn’t exactly light the world on fire, he still performed better than Tannehill. Jimmy meanwhile ended up being as worthless as Gainwell in this trade. No matter who was starting at QB for him, that roster was in no way ever making the playoffs.PLAYERS RECEIVED
49ERS: Justin Jefferson
THREE EYED RAVENS: Joe Mixon, Brandin Cooks
Maybe Ewing just wanted someone else named “Tyler” to win the league. Maybe Gee looked at his robot of destruction and decided it could use an extra lightsaber. Whatever the reason, Gee finally completed his lineup of doom by sending Joe Mixon and Brandin Cooks to Ewing for Justin Jefferson. Mixon would become less of a factor due to a more air-based attack, while Cooks was pretty much a non-factor. Jefferson meanwhile continued his rise atop the list of top fantasy football players, providing the extra production Gee needed in order to win the championship.
BEST & WORST OF THE SEASON
UNEXPECTED PERFORMANCE
BEST (SINGLE WEEK): I think we all knew after Week 11 that Gee was going to win the league. That was the week Gee broke the all-time single-week scoring record, putting up an astounding 189.10 points. Aaron Rodgers (33 points), Justin Jefferson (29 points), Roquan Smith (18 points), and Terry McLaurin (16 points) played brilliantly. But there was one player who topped them all.
BEST (SEASON): That would be Jonathan Taylor (50 points), who put together the best week of an incredible season. Some expected Taylor to rise up the RB ranks. No one predicted he’d be the fantasy MVP and dark horse real life MVP candidate. Taylor was Gee’s first pick in the draft and he performed better than everyone taken before or after him, except maybe Cooper Kupp.
WORST (SINGLE WEEK): It was a tally of mutual sucking so great, I could’ve awarded both teams losses and no one would’ve batted an eye. In Week 10, Riaz and Richard each failed to reach even 60 points, combining for a pathetic total of just 103.52 points. It was the lowest total score in league history where both guys set a lineup. Hopefully, this trash will never be topped.
WORST (SEASON): When you go from first to worst, you truly fucked up. One year after tasting ultimate glory by winning the title, Taylor followed it up by becoming the laughing stock of the league. Taylor started 1-11 and only saved some face by winning his last two games. But that doesn’t erase a season of awful trades, pickups, lineup decisions, and overall performance.
TRANSACTION
BEST (PICKUP): Midway through the season, Gee added to his arsenal by nabbing Dalton Schultz from the waiver wire. Although it took a while for Schultz to truly put up impressive numbers, the best two weeks of his season came at the perfect time — the quarter-finals and semi-finals, respectively. The timing of Schultz’s success truly earns this section’s award.
BEST (TRADE): I will never understand why this trade happened, but it ended up winning Gee the league. Just one week into the season, Gee sent Kyle Murray and Myles Gaskin to Taylor in exchange for Aaron Rodgers (the likely MVP) and Najee Harris, who along with Jonathan Taylor formed an amazing one-two punch. It also let Gee get rid of Joe Mixon for Justin Jefferson later.
WORST (PICKUP): This one goes to Taylor for the shitty job he did in general across the season when it comes to picking up new players. Several times, he would pick up players, only to drop them that same day, only to drop that new player for another player that same day. Way more often than not, those players wouldn’t amount to anything — just a bunch of swings and misses.
WORST (TRADE): Sometimes, the worst trades are the ones we don’t make. Despite having him as a backup all year, Kyle for some reason couldn’t find a trade partner for Joe Burrow. Not only did Kyle not get anything for him, Kyle ended up trading for Josh Allen (making Burrow basically worthless in his lineup) while also adding a future failed experiment in a hurt Christian McCaffrey.
LINEUP DECISION
BEST (SINGLE WEEK): James Robinson had a down year thanks to injury and Urban Meyer. But Jimmy still stuck with him in key situations, including Week 4. That’s when Trey Sermon stayed on Jimmy’s bench, while Robinson started. Robinson earned 11 points more than Sermon, which allowed Jimmy to win. That may not seem like much, but this is why Jimmy didn’t finish last.
BEST (SEASON): Remember when I drafted Kenyan Drake in the later rounds of 2019 and stashed him until I needed him? That’s what Gee did with Javonte Williams. While Gee had a plethora of RBs to use, Gee kept Williams on his bench, waiting for the moment to use him. After trading Joe Mixon for Justin Jefferson, that time finally came, with Williams proving his worth.
WORST (SINGLE WEEK): Looking at Kyle’s lineup for the semi-finals hurts my soul. A whopping 97 points left on the bench. Damien Harris (28 points) — typically a mainstay of Kyle’s lineup — not selected. A.J. Brown (20 points) wasted. Joe Burrow’s (38 points) record day was for naught. Kyle left a golden opportunity to beat Gee — and win the title — slip away, and it was his own fault.
WORST (SEASON): Let’s play “what if?”. What if in Week 11, I start D.J. Moore over Hunter Renfrow? I win the game and end the season 8-6 instead of 7-7, finishing as the No. 5 seed. While I don’t win the title (I finish 3rd overall), Kyle gets bumped to the other side of the bracket as the No. 6 seed. Kyle doesn’t face Gee until the Epic Bowl, where he easily wins the title.
LUCK
BEST (SINGLE WEEK): There were so many things that could’ve gone the opposite way in Gee’s quarter-finals win over Riaz. From a late, long TD run in Gee’s favor to Riaz’s QB having a pass bounce off his TE’s heel and up for an INT, so many little bobbles just fell into place for Gee to escape with a 0.18-point win. If any of those instances are reversed, Gee doesn’t win the title.
BEST (SEASON): Perhaps the reason all of those bounces went against Riaz was karma for all of the good luck he had gotten throughout the year. Riaz had the second-lowest point total in the league, yet made the playoffs because of having by far the fewest amount of points scored against him. Riaz even won a game while only scoring 58 points. That all is some serious luck.
WORST (SINGLE WEEK): Imagine having an average season, then unexpectedly reaching the championship game. Then imagine having two of your most consistent lineup spots all year give you goose eggs, while one of your best WRs decides to strip off his uniform and quit his team in the middle of the game. Somehow Dad still almost won the whole thing despite that bullshit.
WORST (SEASON): From 3-0 to out of the playoffs, Chriss’ season from Hell included some truly terrible luck. From lengthy injuries to Chris Carson, DeAndre Hopkins, Robert Woods, and Chase Edmonds to inconsistent play from Matt Stafford and Dalvin Cook, Chriss went on an incredible slide towards the end of the season. Oh, Chriss also had the second-most points scored against.
STAT OF THE WEEK
Oh boy… this motherfucker again.
(cracks knuckles)
In the latest (and possibly last) example of his staggeringly unstable mental state, Antonio Brown pretty much ended his football career out of nowhere on Sunday. According to Buccaneers head coach Bruce Arians, Brown refused to go back into the game against the Jets, citing an ankle injury. After a couple more attempts, Arians straight up told Brown to leave (to be fair, if what Brown said about Arians is true, this shit is fucking incredible). Brown took it one step further, taking off his jersey/shoulder pads and tossing them away, taking off his gloves and throwing them into the stands, and sprinting across the end zone, shirtless (while the game was still going on), and into the stadium exit. Brown was later seen waiting for an Uber and, shortly after Arians announced he wasn’t part of the Buccaneers anymore, released a new rap song.
I mean… what in the absolute fuck? Who just straight up quits mid-game, throwing a striptease during the process? If he hasn’t already, Brown has now officially entered the Tyson Zone (named after Mike Tyson), a point where the threshold is crossed and your first instinct upon hearing rumors over what someone did (no matter how wild) is “yes,” rather than “no.”
Reaction has been widespread and strong. Many are calling Brown a fucking idiot (which is like calling the sky blue) and rejoicing in the fact that he’s likely done with football now. Others are drifting to the seriousness of this issue, about someone’s mental breakdown being played out for the public to see, and about that breakdown possibly being caused by CTE (largely pointing to the hit Vontaze Burfict laid on him in 2016). One interesting reaction came from Brown’s now former QB, Tom Brady, who says Brown needs help and deserves “compassion.”
…. I’M SORRY, WHAT?!?!?
In this article about Brown’s on-field tirade, there’s a lengthy list of wild shit he has done in just the past three years, including the incidents in Oakland and the various off-field legal issues. That list doesn’t even include all the shit he pulled while with the Steelers, calling Mike Mayock a cracker, and even some other off-field issues. If you or I or any normal person had done even a tenth of what Brown did, we’d not only be in jail, but basically blackballed from whatever industry we were previously working in. But because Brown is exceptional at catching footballs, he’s been given free pass after free pass. You want compassion for Brown, Brady? Compassion is reserved for people who’ve been dealt unfortunate situations through no fault of their own, not jackass millionaire babies who piss away every single opportunity they’ve been given through their own sheer stupidity and refusal to simply shut the fuck up and take responsibility for things they’ve done wrong. How dare Brady ask for empathy when he himself enabled Brown’s behavior by demanding he be on his team — twice — so he could help him win another Super Bowl. Arians refuses to talk further about Brown apart from saying he’s “no longer a Buc”?. Maybe Arians should address how he also enabled Brown by refusing to crack down on his behavior earlier. One more incident and he’s gone? Where was this when Brown broke a security camera and threw a bike at a security guard, or when he, you know, FAKED A COVID-19 VACCINE CARD? That would get 99% of people put behind bars. But no, let’s have compassion for a guy who not only got to keep his job, but only missed three games.
Football — and sports in general — has a long and complicated problem with employing people who have at best questionable morals and a criminal/violent history simply because of their athletic prowess. Turning a blind eye to character for the sake of talent is all too common, unless that vice just happens to be so bad that the team/league can’t make money off that player. Domestic violence and sexual abusers, hardcore drug addicts, straight up criminals, murderers, and financial crooks are employeed across sports, from team rosters to coaching staffs to front offices and even ownership. Hell, my favorite football team employs someone who has openly expressed nazi beliefs just because he’s fast and can catch footballs (although apparently he has a problem holding onto them). But until that person can no longer help turn a profit, who cares?
I am begging the greater NFL at this point. Enough is enough. Please let this incident be the one that breaks the camel’s back and ends Brown’s football career. If all of the other shit he’d done before this merely meant he was on his last life, please let the fact that he literally quit his team in the middle of the game (taking off most of his uniform in the process) finally be enough to get blackballed from the NFL. I swear if Brown signs with another team to make another playoff run (I’m looking at you, Rams), I’m going to lose a lot of whatever faith I had left in the NFL.
By the way, just in case you haven’t figured out my thoughts on him as a whole — FUCK ANTONIO BROWN! FUCK THAT BITCH ASS MOTHERFUCKING CUNT! I hope he finally gets what he deserves: the fury of a thousand spiked fists being shoved up his ass, which given his thought process would mean they punch him in the face at the same time. I hope that son of a bitch never plays a single down of football again — not even in the backyard with one of his 22 illegitimate children with 17 different women. I’m so glad this bizarre incident happened so not only do I get to talk about Brown being unemployed, but I also get to end the newsletter by taking one last shot at that asshole, who by the way has now surpassed Terrell Owens as the biggest diva in NFL history.
Fuck Antonio Brown.
WEEKLY RAIDERS RANT
Wait… we won? The Raiders beat the Colts? Las Vegas is now one win away (and possibly a loss and other results away) from the playoffs? This may be more surprising than the whole Antonio Brown striptease/resignation.
I will never truly understand this team. These Raiders lost to the New York Giants and Washington Football Team. They barely beat the Cleveland Browns’ B Team and a Denver Broncos squad literally giving the game away. The Colts meanwhile had just beaten the New England Patriots and Arizona Cardinals. This was an early game in Indianapolis. HOW THE FUCK DID THE RAIDERS WIN?!?!?
On top of the list of reasons is one man who I must say is now officially my favorite current Raider: Hunter Renfrow. I’m sorry, Kenyan Drake, but at least you agree with me. Renfrow somehow keeps getting better and more clutch every game. This time, he not only gets a TD, but makes the catch and run that turns from potential game-winning TD to the setup for the eventual game-winning FG. The Slot Machine, that short, beautiful, premature balding motherfucker, needs to be a Raider for life. Mayock, give him a 10-year contract before you eventually get fired after next season.
It’s so bizarre because I’m so used to the Raiders completely shitting the bed in games like this, games they have to win in order to stay alive. It’s not like we’ve gone on a tear over the past few weeks. Quite frankly most of the offense has played like shit. Carr threw two INTs vs. the Colts. Las Vegas looked flat at several points in the game. But, they still won. The defense did enough to hold Indianapolis at bay and the offense moved enough when needed. That whole aspect of these past few weeks — winning while not playing at your best — is what good teams do. The Raiders clearly aren’t a good team — a playoff team — right? Yet we find the Silver and Black one game away from just the second playoff appearance in 20 years.
Of course, the Raiders could be setting us up for the ultimate disappointment. That one game they need to win is at home against the Los Angeles Chargers, who also need a win in order to make the playoffs. This is essentially a playoff game outside of the playoffs — winner moves on, loser goes home. Of course, this one just happens to be against a hated AFC West rival on Sunday Night Football. That rival by the way beat our asses in Week 4 and has an offense that can blow the Raiders away. Sure, the Chargers are still the Chargers (they did lose to the Houston Texans last month). But tell me if you find this situation familiar. Ten years ago, the Raiders were 8-7 and despite a tumultuous season (the death of Al Davis, the season-ending injury to Jason Campbell, and the trade for Carson Palmer) had a chance to make the playoffs. All they had to do was defeat a beatable Chargers team in the final week of the season. San Diego won 38-26 and the Raiders’ playoff drought continued for another five years.
Will history repeat itself? The eternal pessimistic Raiders fan within me says yes, which will naturally mean a disappointing ending to the season. But even with a loss to a division rival to end our playoff hopes, can this season be a disappointment? Even with a loss, the Raiders will end the season with at least nine wins — that’s a winning record. The Raiders have only done that once in the past 20 years. For just the second time in my adult life, I can say I’m a fan of a winning football team. That’s despite that team losing its head coach early on in a massive racism/sexism/homophobia scandal. That’s despite losing the No. 1 WR, who literally killed someone and brought another dark cloud over the organization. That’s despite cutting another 1st Round pick due to him threatening to kill someone. That’s despite dealing with an under-addressed litany of injuries to key players (Darren Waller, Kenyan Drake, Denzel Perryman, etc.). That’s despite our promising rookie CB being arrested for DUI (seriously man, what the fuck?). Looking at it as a whole, that’s fucking impressive.
After the Henry Ruggs incident, I wrote that if the Raiders made the playoffs, Rich Bisaccia deserved COTY honors and even if they didn’t (or the season went to hell), no one would be able to blame the players or staff. They’ve gone through hell and back. The fact that they managed to earn a winning record and are even in the playoff race at the end of the season is quite frankly incredible. If I’m disappointed, it’s that this team was robbed of any chance to truly show what they could do without dealing with any bullshit. If the Raiders pull off the biggest win in the past score, it will go down as one of the greatest achievements in franchise history. If not, these players and staff members should be commended for going down swinging, like true Raiders.
#THROWBACKTHURSDAY
ON THIS DAY IN NFL HISTORY:
On January 6, a lot of big NFL moments happened — let’s go through some of the most interesting ones. On January 6, 1985, one of the most highly-anticipated Super Bowl matchups in history was set up, while also lighting the fire of one of the greatest football teams ever. First up, the No. 1 seed Dolphins continued their high-scoring rampage, outlasting the Steelers in a 45-28 AFC Championship Game win (still the highest-scoring conference championship game in NFL history). League MVP Dan Marino — who set the NFL single-season record for passing yards (5,084) and TDs (48) — was unstoppable against Pittsburgh, guiding Miami to the Super Bowl in just his second season. Then came the NFC Championship Game, which ended in a 23-0 rout by the No. 1 seed 49ers over the Bears. Chicago was without starting QB Jim McMahon due to injury, with backup Steve Fuller unable to do anything against San Francisco. To rub it in Chicago’s face, 49ers head coach Bill Walsh inserted OG Guy McIntyre as a FB late in the game (San Francisco players also told the Bears to “bring an offense next time.”). With their victories, the two most unstoppable teams in the league — Miami and San Francisco — clinched spots in Super Bowl XIX. However, the game was not as competitive as many thought, with Joe Montana leading the 49ers to a 38-16 victory. The 49ers would not repeat as champions in 1985, a season dominated by their NFC title game foes. In Week 6, a healthy McMahon and a pissed off Bears squad dominated San Francisco 26-10, with head coach Mike Ditka getting his revenge by inserting DT William Perry as RB. Chicago would finish 15-1, with their one loss coming to Miami, who was upset by the Patriots in the AFC title game. Chicago would smack New England in Super Bowl XX, thanks in part to a Perry TD.
On January 6, 2002, an NFL record was broken in controversial fashion. Even though the act of tackling the QB behind the line of scrimmage had been part of football for decades, QB sacks had only been recorded as an official stat since 1982. In 1984, Mark Gastineau set the single-season sack record with 22, a mark which stood for more than 15 years. But in 2001, Michael Strahan got on a roll, taking down QBs like Taylor and Jimmy rack up losses. Going into the final game of the season, Strahan was sitting at 21.5 sacks, needing just one more to break the record. However, the Giants defense was largely dominated by the Packers, with Brett Favre throwing for 315 yards and 2 TDs on just 15 completions as Green Bay beat New York 34-25. However, with about three minutes remaining and not needing to call a pass play, Green Bay did just that, with Favre sort of meekly rolling out to his right before running into the path of an unblocked Strahan (who did not yet have a sack that day). Instead of taking the hit, Favre dropped down to the ground and let Strahan fall on top of him to get 22.5 and the official record. Immediately, reaction was divisive. Not only was the Packers’ play calling suspect, but after the play several Giants players went up to Favre (who just happened to be good friends with Strahan) and patted him on the helmet. To this day, the legitimacy of Strahan’s sack record remains in question, and not just because of the way Gastineau’s mark was surpassed. Last year, Pro Football Reference announced they had gone back, watched all pre-1982 NFL games, and determined the actual NFL single-season sack record is 23, set by Detroit Lions DE Al Baker in 1978. However, the NFL still acknowledges Strahan as the official record holder.
On January 6, 2007, Tony Romo became a meme. Romo had been in the league since 2003, being signed as an undrafted free agent by the Cowboys. For the first few years of his career, Romo was a backup and was primarily used to hold placekicks. But at the start of the 2006 season, Dallas’ starting QB, Drew Bledsoe, began playing poorly. With the Cowboys at 3-3, head coach Bill Parcells made a change, inserting Romo as the starter for a Sunday Night Football matchup against the Panthers. Dallas rolled over Carolina 35-14 and Romo was made the permanent starter. Romo kept the momentum going, leading Dallas to a 9-7 record, wins over the previous unbeaten (and eventual Super Bowl XLI champion) Indianapolis Colts and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers (a 38-10 rout on Thanksgiving), and a playoff spot. In the Wild Card round, Dallas traveled to Seattle and, with just over six minutes left to play, were winning 20-13. But then a Terry Glenn fumble resulted in a safety, while a Seattle TD (and failed two-point conversion) gave the home team a 21-20 lead. The Cowboys still had time though and Romo led his team down the field, with Dallas set to attempt a 19-yard FG with 1:19 remaining. However, in what has now become one of the most infamous gaffes in NFL playoff history, Romo botched the snap, picking the ball up and attempting to run it in, only to be tackled short of the line to gain by Jordan Babineaux. Seattle got the ball back and held on for the win. For the rest of his career, Romo would be given the label of “choker” in clutch games, with his Dallas almost always failing in December or in the playoffs. Even though Romo did win two playoff games in his career, the label always stuck (although maybe it’s a Cowboys thing).
On January 6, 2018, an incredible play the likes of which had never happened before in the playoffs led to one of the greatest postseason comebacks in NFL history. The Tennessee Titans were arguably the most unexpected team in the 2017-18 playoffs, needing to beat the AFC South champion Jacksonville Jaguars (resting their players) in Week 17 just to earn their spot. It was the first time Tennessee had made the playoffs since 2008, with the franchise waiting for its first postseason victory since 2003. In their Wild Card round game at Kansas City, it didn’t look like the Titans would get anywhere close to a win. The Chiefs came storming out of the gate, scoring three TDs (the third coming with just three seconds left in the first half) en route to a 21-3 halftime lead. But Tennessee responded strongly to start the second half, embarking on a drive of more than eight minutes that was capped by something truly bizarre. On 3rd down from six yards out of the end zone, Marcus Mariota’s pass was deflected by Darrelle Revis. Mariota caught the ball and sprinted towards the end zone, diving into the pylon for a TD. It was the first time in postseason history a player had scored on a pass to himself. That play gave the Titans momentum. Even a muffed punt by Tennessee didn’t net points for Kansas City, who missed the ensuing FG attempt. A 35-yard TD run by Derrick Henry cut the deficit to 21-16 (the two-point conversion failed). On the ensuing drive Mariota found Eric Decker for a 22-yard score to take a 22-21 lead (another failed conversion). The Chiefs nearly got a defensive TD on what was thought to be a Henry fumble, but Henry was ruled to be down. The Titans were able to run out the clock on another Henry run, one that included a memorable block by Mariota. Tennessee became the first road team to erase an 18-point deficit in a playoff victory since 1972. The loss was Kansas City’s sixth in a row in the playoffs. If only we can go back to those times.
RUBEN’S RANKINGS
TOP 10 NEWSLETTERS
You knew it had to come down to this. There’s no way more fitting to end five years of newsletters than with a proper look back at some of the best and funniest things I’ve come up with. The newsletter has gone through many forms since its inception in 2017. I had no idea what it would look like — hell, I didn’t even come up with the idea for weekly themes until midway through the first season. Sections (largely filler) have come and gone. But the truly essential stuff — what the league can’t survive without and what I feel is important that everyone knows — has withstood the test of time. Overall, I’ve tried to provide good, funny recaps with quality memes, cool, in-depth features on football, insight on some off-the-cuff topics, and reactions/analysis of whatever’s going on in our real lives to spice things up. These are the times I felt I best hit those marks.
I figured this would be fitting for the final Top 10 list.
HONORABLE MENTION: SPOOKY EDITION (WEEK 8, 2017)
The earliest newsletter on this list also saw the first truly ambitious idea I had put into action. It was the first Halloween-themed newsletter and I wanted to make it memorable. So I decided to rewrite the opening of The Nightmare Before Christmas, in order to make it fantasy football themed. I had to take 20 screencaps of the scene so I could include pictures (complete with edits) to go along with the wall of lyrics. Especially given that this was early in the newsletter’s lifespan, I felt proud of what I created, which laid the groundwork for future elaborate intros.
HONORABLE MENTION: A DUEL OF FATES (WEEK 16, 2019)
Speaking of ambitious projects, in addition to a Star Wars freakout, an all-time Raiders rant, and a feature on sports journalism problems, the penultimate newsletter of 2019 included perhaps the section that took the most work to put together. For some reason, I decided to find the most unusual item from every NFL’s team’s online shop and assemble a bizarro Christmas list for football fans (with links to buy everything. This took way too fucking long to finish and there were some parts I had to stretch things a bit. But overall I felt the funny bits outweighed the meh ones.
HONORABLE MENTION: IT’S FALL, GUYS (WEEK 1, 2020)
This is my favorite Week 1 newsletter, where I can start fresh and kick off a brand new season. The theme — the Fall Guys game — was timely and led to some good memes (which I enjoyed making because I was the defending champion). I also got to talk a lot about the Raiders, going on a long rant about Tom Flores not being in the HOF yet (he had just been nominated) and looking at the best Raiders not in the HOF. Throw in a long piece about the shittiness of modern Madden games and a feature about a long snapper and you’ve got a solid, classic newsletter.
HONORABLE MENTION: THE POWER OF SELF-RESPECT (WEEK 7, 2020)
It wasn’t the most timely theme (I saved it for Week 7 because of the whole “seven evil exes” thing), but I love Scott Pilgrim vs. the World. That gave me knowledge of the funniest lines, which helped make that week’s crop of memes one of the rare ones where every single meme is a certified banger. More often than not, I have like four or five good ideas, then just kind of fill in the rest. But not this time. This time, I knew each one of them hit hard. In addition, I revealed that the league name — Epic League of Epic Epicness — came from a tagline on one of the film’s posters.
HONORABLE MENTION: WINLESS IN SEATTLE (WEEK 2, 2021)
The second newsletter of this season had a bit of everything — a mini-rant about one of the worst trades I’ve ever seen, a victory lap after the Raiders beat the Ravens (suck it, Ewing), and a creative Top 10 list. But it also includes something never seen before or since in a newsletter: writing from someone other than me. While waiting for our flight to Seattle, I asked my sister, Gabby, to give her opinion on the league’s team names, which she did gleefully and scathingly. I’m not saying Gabby’s review led to the great name changes of 2021, but it is a coincidence.
HONORABLE MENTION: AMBITIOUS BUT RUBBISH (WEEK 14, 2021)
I had wanted to do a Top Gear/The Grand Tour-themed newsletter for years and finally pulled the trigger a few years ago. I feel like I did a good job with the memes and introducing plenty of the humor that made the trio of hosts special. But it was another car-related part of the newsletter that ended up being the talk of the group text. At the end, I put together a piece on the insane Formula 1 season. Apparently I nailed it (despite never watching a F1 race before), because all we could talk about for days was Lewis Hamilton and Max Verstappen (Hamilton got robbed).
10. THE PANDEMIC NEWSLETTERS (SPRING/SUMMER 2020)
None of us knew what to do when the sports world (and most of the rest of the world) shut down nearly two years ago. My way to cope was to turn my thoughts into words, which turned into the first ever offseason newsletter, something to keep us all together and connected until either this all blew over (lol) or the season began. These unique newsletters were sent out once a month, covered way more than just football (and whatever sports were starting again), and touched on serious topics like the pandemic and the wave of protests against systemic racism, which began a few months later. Because there were no games to recap and minimal football news to react to, I had to get creative with content. That led to the two longest pieces in newsletter history — the deep dives into which college program has the best all-star team of NFL alumni (Miami) and which sport has the best movies (baseball). Because it restarted first, South Korean baseball was an early feature in the pandemic newsletters, which unintentionally paid off a few months later.
9. DINO-MITE (WEEK 13, 2020)
A lack of sports in 2020 caused me to pay attention to South Korean baseball, with the NC Dinos being the team I decided to bandwagon. That season happened to end with the Dinos winning their first championship, so naturally I had to throw them a theme (finding enough pics for memes was surprisingly difficult). The pandemic also impacted how quickly I could finish everything, with the Ravens-Steelers game being postponed to the day before the newsletter was sent out. The virus also forced the Broncos to start Kendall Hinton, which inspired my Top 10 list of emergency QBs. Other notable highlights include an all-time Raiders rant after the ass-whooping at the hands of the Falcons and celebrating the anniversary of “The Super Bowl Shuffle” by re-writing the lyrics to include league members still in the playoff hunt. But what makes this newsletter unique is that it contains a rare correction. The week before, I somehow missed the anniversary of Flipper Anderson setting the NFL single-game receiving yards record. So I included it this time.
8. GUNNING FOR MY GGANBU (WEEK 6, 2021)
While I was in Italy last year, Squid Game took over the world, becoming the most popular show Netflix has ever produced. It was so popular I even watched it, so I knew it had to be the next theme once I returned from overseas. For some reason, I was able to think of meme ideas right away, with this collection of memes being arguably the best and hardest-hitting of any I’ve ever put together for a newsletter. The rarity of a perfect crop of memes coming from an extremely timely theme, which was a popular TV show I actually watched, is so improbable that this edition had to make the list. But that’s not the only reason — this newsletter also covered the Raiders’ epic failure against the Bears and the resignation of Jon Gruden due to the email scandal. I also had several unique and interesting choices for my Stat of the Week. The cherry on top came at the end, where I made the biggest flex of my life: ranking the Top 10 countries I’ve visited. After two newsletters constructed while overseas, I felt this one was quite a strong return to form.
7. GETTING JIGGY WITH IT (WEEK 2, 2019)
On the surface, the Banjo-Kazooie theme, while totally something I would do and a unique yet surprising idea for a newsletter, may not seem like a worthy entry on the list. But the jovial video game music quickly gives way to the real highlight of the newsletter: the great Antonio Brown rant. This was the first newsletter after the Raiders released Brown, who signed with the Patriots. So immense was my outrage that I used two different sections (and part of a third) to go off on that bitch ass motherfucker (this was only one of two newsletters in history where I used the “c” word). You could feel the anger pouring out of every word, leading to arguably my greatest rant ever included in a newsletter. So what was the next non-Raiders/Brown topic I covered? Tennis, naturally. For some reason, I was compelled to write a feature on the utter dominance of Roger Federer, Rafael Nadal, and Novak Djovokic in grand slam tournaments. Not until the famous Formula 1 season recap two years later would I devote that many words to a random sport.
6. A SMASHING GOOD TIME (WEEK 14, 2018)
This was my first truly big “playoff preview” newsletter and I feel like I knocked it out of the park. It helped that I had one of the most fitting theme ideas fall right into my lap. Right when the 2018 postseason was about to begin, Super Smash Bros. Ultimate released. The Smash Bros. series is one of my favorites in all of video games and this version ended up being my favorite of them all. So I used my knowledge of the game to make comparisons for not just every team that made the playoffs, but also those who had been eliminated. Granted, I was trying to rank characters from a game I hadn’t yet played, so some of my predictions (Pikachu being mid-tier, Fox and Pichu being low-tier) don’t exactly look as good today. Somehow though I managed to compare Kyle to Cloud, who just happened to be his favorite character from the previous game. While I haven’t played Ultimate in a while, I still contend that I will beat the hell out of all of you should any of you challenge me. Once again, my Switch friend code is 0919-2843-1590. Bring it on!
5. WHEN’S THE TRADE DEADLINE? (WEEK 11, 2021)
While every newsletter contains some degree of shitposting, this newsletter may have been 100% dedicated to the art. One year, multiple league members didn’t realize the trade deadline had passed and got mad at me for not being their mother and reminding them about their basic responsibilities. So I started putting in reminders in each newsletter, only for other league members to make fun of me by mockingly asking “when’s the trade deadline?” over and over. So I decided to bide my time and get my ultimate revenge. After ignoring every question about the trade deadline, I waited until the final newsletter before the deadline to remind everyone. By “remind,” I mean force feed the information down everyone’s throats with a shitposting artistry rarely seen outside of viral reddit threads. Everything was trade themed and there was a deadline reminder after every section. One effect was that the meme got beaten into the ground so badly that it basically died. From now on, you can look up the deadline day yourselves — it’s not hard.
4. AN EXPECTED JOURNEY (WEEK 15, 2021)
The most recent newsletter on this list is the one I feel is the most complete out of any I’ve ever sent out. A playoff preview, it was fittingly themed after an epic in Lord of the Rings. The memes and team comparisons were among the sharpest ever made. Chase Claypool’s dumb late game celebration led to one of the more creative and hilarious Top 10 lists. I even found the time to include a couple of extra features — the tribute to Demaryius Thomas and shitting on the new Kevin James/Sean Payton movie. All of this would’ve made for a great newsletter on their own. But what truly puts this in the highest class is the final section. While Jimmy, Gee, Nick, Chriss, Arik, and I were at Flatstick Pub the weekend before the newsletter was released, we bet that whoever finished last at mini golf/duffleboard would be roasted by yours truly. Gee wound up the loser and — especially given the shithousery that went down that night — the recap/roast ended was an epic one. So why isn’t this higher on the list? Because I want to indulge a little.
3. THE SWEETEST CAROLINE (WEEK 9, 2018)
The eventual MLB champion would give me a free idea for a theme each year. It took just two years for my dream theme to become a reality. In 2018, my Boston Red Sox rolled through everyone, winning 108 games, eliminating the yankees (including a 16-1 Game 3 win) and trashstros en route to beating the Dodgers in the World Series. When your favorite team wins a championship, no one can talk shit to you. When that happens and you have a platform that allows you to talk shit (and that platform gets to be centered around your team winning the title), it’s just the greatest time ever. Every single section (from game recaps to stats to day of the week to even the trade deadline alert) had at least one mention of the Red Sox, including the intro, where I got to flex about being in Los Angeles for Game 5. Words flowed from my fingers like water at Niagara Falls when I was writing this newsletter. While Nick certainly has a different opinion, overall this was the second-most fun I’ve ever had putting a newsletter together.
2. SWEET, SWEET VICTORY (WEEK 17, 2019)
The most fun I’ve ever had putting a newsletter together came one year after the least fun newsletter. To close out 2018, I had to write about how I lost the championship in the final five minutes of the last game. To come that close and come up short was heartbreaking. That drove my entire 2019 campaign, which brought me right back to the Epic Bowl. This time, I brought the trophy home, which also gave me the most golden opportunity to talk shit I’ve ever had. Yes I’m putting the newsletter after I won the league this high on the list! There were other great parts of that newsletter — I had a lengthy review about Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, a roster of snubs from the NFL’s All-Time Team, and multiple pieces about the Raiders beating the shit out of a hated rival. But yeah, the main focus was that the commish finally won the Epic Bowl and got to talk as-of-now unsurpassed levels of shit. But don’t worry, I’m neither selfish nor self-centered enough to make the last newsletter lookback about one where it was all about me winning.
1. AUDIENCE ENGAGEMENT (WEEK 10, 2021)
It’s incredible how great ideas can be inspired in the blink of an eye. Before most of Week 10 of this year had been played, Ewing stunned us all by announcing he had gotten engaged (and then would dominate the league like Tom Brady dominates the Bills for a month). In an instant, “engagement” became the theme for the newsletter, which ended up including predictable yet funny memes, multiple segments about the Raiders, and a memorable stat. But the piece de resistance was perhaps the best section ever included in a newsletter: a Top 10 list of Epic League members arranged from least to most likely to get married. It was a perfect, timely opportunity to talk shit about pretty much everyone — including myself. While I thought it would be good for a laugh or two, I never could have expected the tremendous reception it got from everyone. Jimmy actually CALLED me at one point because he found it so funny. The point of the newsletter was to bring everyone together for a laugh. No edition did it better than this.
ONE LAST THING
We have finally reached the end of the season, and what a season it was. We’ve seen long time records (both good and bad) fall, an epic fall from first to worst, plenty of incredibly close finishes and epic choke jobs, and the legacy of arguably the top player finally being cemented. There’s still a lot left in the actual NFL season as well, with plenty of questions still unanswered. Who will earn the right to fight for the Lombardi Trophy? Will the Raiders stop punching their fans in the dick? Can the league’s feel-good success stories (Bengals, Bills, Cardinals) finally find success in the postseason? Will someone other than the Chiefs or Buccaneers please win the Super Bowl for the love of god? Will the season even finish before a major COVID-19 postponement?
Even though we’ve just ended this fantasy football season, there’s still room to talk about the future. I think having the Race for Marshall added a little spice to the season. I’d like to have a prize for the highest-scoring team each year, but I won’t be visiting the Pro Football HOF every year and finding some merch that will appeal to everyone yet not break the bank may be tough. But I’m willing to do it if you guys are also willing to put more money into the league. I propose a gradual increase in league fees over the next few years, starting with $50 next year. We’ll then go to $70 in 2023, $80 in 2024, and finally settle on $100 in 2025 — just in time to mark the league’s 15th anniversary. The payout breakdown will still be money back for 3rd, just over twice your dues for 2nd, and the shit ton left over for 1st. When we started this league, we were broke college kids (except for Dad, obviously). Now we’ve got some money to throw around. Let’s make things truly interesting.
There’s still room for activities outside of fantasy football as well. I mentioned that the Pro Bowl will take place at Allegiant Stadium. I know COVID-19 is a pretty big thing right now and traveling for a meaningless sporting event may not be the highest priority right now, but it’s something to keep in mind. However, Las Vegas will also be the site of the 2022 NFL Draft, which just so happens to take place the same weekend Nick has been trying to get everyone to go to Sin City for our ginormous combined 30th birthday celebration. I’m not sure our livers would survive such a trip, but that would be a hell of a way to go out. In addition, the second edition of the USFL will be making its debut in April, so we’ll have at least some football to watch in the offseason.
As far as our own draft goes, the failure of the proposed Dallas Destination Draft still feels like a major disappointment. But if the idea of having our draft in an NFL stadium intrigues you (I had envisioned a rotating tour of all the NFL stadiums for us to complete over the next several decades), I would still be willing to participate. However, I will not be organizing it. Y’all can put that together — and I will help if needed — but I need some sort of commitment from someone other than me to go forward. Of course, we could always do something like go to Buffalo Wild Wings or simply someone’s house. We can discuss this as we get closer to next season, but honestly it might get kind of complicated no matter what we do.
2022 is going to be a year of change, not just because I’m no longer putting the newsletter together. Part of the reason I’m hanging up the laptop (for newsletter purposes, anyway), is the fact that in order to put together something up to my standards, I need to devote a lot of time. As I’ve moved up at FOX40 and my schedule has changed, it’s become more difficult to get that done. I’ve essentially devoted most of my non-working time during the season to make it happen, even though that work is easily undone by Chriss’ only response being that I accidentally added the wrong number to the title of one of the entries on my Top 10 list (fucker). But at least for right now, I know the time I have to budget. I know my schedule. However, that’s going to change.
I’ve decided that unless something truly drastic changes, this will be my last year at FOX40. I mentioned a couple of weeks ago that Jim Crandell, a fucking legend and icon and overall fantastic, nice person, retired after 37 years at FOX40. He was by far the biggest name to have left in recent months, but far from the only one. Over the past four months, no fewer than two dozen key people — from anchors to reporters to photographers to production staff to engineers to producers — have left. Part of it was due to personal reasons (i.e. getting burnt out by the pandemic, getting better opportunities elsewhere). But a lot of it is because of our upper management having their heads up their asses (our new news director in particular). To make matters worse, we can’t seem to hire any replacements, resulting in more burnout and more people leaving. Right now, the nightside staff has a total of four producers and one writer. We have to produce four shows a day. The math doesn’t add up, especially if any of us call out sick. For the first time since I started there nearly nine years ago, going to work at FOX40 is no longer fun. It doesn’t help that like Crandell, many of those departing are good people who have been at the station for a while. This week, I found out my executive producer — one of the few people who have been here as long as me and the single person I count on for critique and advice for my shows — is leaving next week. I totally understand, but I’m fucking devastated (I was just getting over Crandell’s departure, too!). There’s also another reason — for the first time in my career, I can’t really advance up the ladder (I’m at least five years of experience away from the next highest position, which I’m not sure I even want to have). If I can’t move up and don’t even want to be there, then what the hell am I doing? Regardless, it’s time this bird finally left the nest.
FOX40 is the first and only station I’ve worked at, so there’s a lot about this process I don’t know. I’m also not going away right away — I still have nine months left on my contract and don’t have anything lined up right now. There’s also some personal matters I’m still trying to fix before I can move away. But move away I probably will. Unless I can find a place with the Sacramento Kings, Sacramento Republic FC, a local college, or a nearby sports network, I’m probably going to leave Sacramento, if not California as a whole. Even though things are down at FOX40, I can’t see myself working for another TV station in the city. That would mean moving to another market, hopefully one of the 19 ahead of Sacramento in the rankings (not Cleveland though — that would be too depressing — so one of the other 18). I also have a lot of options at this stage. I could find another straight up news producing position. But I could also go to a sports network or sports-specific producing gig with a station (my preferred route), or even find a spot with a sports team. I’ve got a lot to think about for the next several months.
With my future in the air for 2022, there was no way I could commit to something as time-consuming as the newsletter. Of course, the reasons for ending the newsletter that I gave in the Week 1 newsletter still apply. But all of it combined requires me to have a lot more free time. Now, I don’t want you to think putting together the newsletter was painful. To the contrary, I had plenty of fun (as I always do) assembling each edition. It was also tremendously enjoyable to see the reaction from everyone, which was more pronounced than in years past. It was also heartwarming to have events in the newsletter lead to real life shenanigans, or have parts of the newsletter be inspired by the stupid shit we did. The purpose of the newsletter was to provide another way to bring us together and make us laugh, with some fantasy football thrown in. As we grow up, we often get fewer and fewer opportunities to stay connected and old, strong friendships start to fade. It may be too late in some cases (I know I’m growing more worried with each passing day where I don’t get a certain call from a certain someone about playing a certain role in a certain major event coming up next spring). But if there’s anything I can do to prevent that from happening, I’ll do it. More than ever, I feel this year’s newsletter was successful.
Of course, the end of the newsletter doesn’t mean the end of the league, or the end of my time as commissioner or the effort to get us to hang out again. Assuming we get some sort of clearance from the surge in COVID-19 cases, we’ll feel a lot safer about hanging out again and be able to plan more get-togethers (like the ones mentioned above). Even if it’s for something as simple as a Super Bowl watch party or a poker game, we’ve got to stick together. The end of the newsletter may not even mean… well… the end of the newsletter. Maybe years from now, when life is more settled down and I have time to put in the effort once again, I’ll bring it back. If there’s another major lockdown that cancels all sports or something happens that’s so nuclear and life-changing that it requires an email to make sense of it, I’ll send something out. But even if the newsletter is ending, no matter what happens, we will still be friends, our fantasy football shenanigans will continue, and Gee will request a trade after the 1st round of the draft (and someone will say yes).
Thanks for the memories, boys. Can’t wait to make many more.
Ruben Dominguez
Commissioner, Epic League of Epic Epicness
2019 Champion, Epic League of Epic Epicness
Epic League Newsletter Writer, 2017-2022
Ruben's Writings 
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