Ruben's Writings

I’ll be honest, I really didn’t have a theme for this newsletter. Then I remembered the football game happening this weekend. No, I’m not talking about anything in the NFL.

Sacramento State and UC Davis are once again meeting up for the annual Causeway Classic. However, while this year’s matchup will be the 71st edition, it could also be the last. The Hornets are leaving the Big Sky Conference after this season, meaning any future showdowns with the Aggies will have to be during the non-conference part of the schedule. The problem? Davis’ 2026 non-conference schedule is full, while any meetings in 2027 and beyond will have to be fueled by the desire to stick to tradition. Looking at the state of college football and the trend of bucking tradition in favor of cash in recent years, I’m not exactly hopeful.

So if this is indeed the last Causeway Classic (at least for a little while) let’s hope Sac State and Davis kill each other on the field and this rivalry goes out with a bang.

(cue theme music)

RECAP OF LAST WEEK

THE KRISPY KRITTERS (6-5) DEF. BONE 2 BONE (5-6)

126.52 – 118.70

Late lead changes, exceptional performances, major mistakes and letdowns, and a Monday night decider — the matchup between the Krispy Kritters and Bone 2 Bone had it all! That includes a stellar display on the ground, with Christian McCaffrey (30 points), Bijan Robinson (26 points), Travis Etienne (19 points), and Kenneth Walker (17 points) each doing work. Dad also got a massive boost from the Steelers defense (21 points) to give him an early lead. However, he couldn’t build upon it for several reasons, including a poor day from Kyle Pitts. But in the end it was the combo of J.J. McCarthy and Justin Jefferson that completely whiffed, allowing Richard to mount a late comeback thanks to Jameson Williams (15 points) on Sunday night and his real life QB Dak Prescott (24 points) the following night. Yet, it shouldn’t have even been a contest — Dad has 62 combined points from Sean Tucker and Tetairoa McMillan wasted on his bench. While hindsight is 20/20, it has to hurt for Dad to see how easily he could’ve won this contest.

DON’T DRAFT AND DRIVE (7-4) DEF. LET ME WHISPER IN JAHMYR (6-5)

87.24 – 65.00

Despite both Don’t Draft and Drive and Let Me Whisper in Jahmyr barely combining for 150+ points (a clear hiccup for both), old habits for each team may be emerging. Nick had been riding high for most of the season, having been in first place at the time of the previous newsletter. But three losses in the following four weeks have dropped Nick all the way to fourth. While that’s far from last place, this year the standings have provided a potentially steep slope. This most recent loss was the ugliest yet, with just two members of Nick’s lineup finishing with double-digits (and 12 points at that). Is the annual collapse underway, or can Nick rally from this latest setback. As for Kyle, it appears that after a setback to open the season, things have returned to normal for one of the league’s most consistent contenders. From 0-3 to 7-4, Kyle also has the win despite playing ugly ability in his toolkit. I’d hate to be the next person Kyle faces, especially if Kyle has any kind of reason to have a grudge or any desire to get revenge this weekend.

SPIDER 2 Y BANANA (7-4) DEF. THREE EYED RAVENS (5-6)

94.82 – 77.70

Another sign of a true contender: being able to win when your stars play like crap. For example, Lamar Jackson and Davante Adams didn’t have much for Spider 2 Y Banana, while Saquon Barkley and Javonte Williams were average. But Jimmy not only still came out on top, but put up a respectable scoring total. Wil Lutz (18 points), Trey McBride (17 points), and Nico Collins (15 points) were all key to the victory. It also helped that the Three Eyed Ravens were missing Jonathan Taylor, who’s pretty much the reason Ewing is among the scoring leaders so far this season. That being said, Ewing’s lineup had a chance to counter and even get the win. But only Mark Andrews (12 points) put up any kind of effort to do so. Jalen Hurts was average and the rest of the lineup ranged from poor to mediocre. In the end, Ewing is once again snakebitten, but still well within range of making the playoffs. Jimmy once again reasserts himself as a top contender, which given how close the standings are at this point could be key for the playoff push.

BIJAN MUSTARD (6-5) DEF. THE INJURED RESERVES (5-6)

101.96 – 73.80

So Bijan Mustard beat the Injured Reserves, which isn’t surprising given how Emilio has had a solid if inconsistent team all season and Arik’s lineup is basically being held together by duct tape and string at this point. But I’ve got to talk about something else here. I know I’ve been out of the country for the better part of the past month, but when the hell did Emilio and Chriss start to have beef? On Tuesday, the group chat was flooded with back-and-forth talk between the two of them, starting when Emilio posted a picture of him above Chriss in the standings. And apparently this was just retaliation for something Chriss did before? Did that happen when Chriss beat the everloving shit out of Emilio in Week 8? Did Emilio just vow revenge then or did this all start earlier during one of those godforsaken times he tried to talk shit or stir the pot and like a hundred texts flew as a result (during those moments I just put my phone on mute and wait for it all to pass)? Whatever it is, I’m now suddenly hoping for a playoff matchup between both of them.

QUEEN’S GAMBIT (4-7) DEF. THIRD TIME’S A CHARM (5-6)

113.58 – 57.14

Speaking of games involving Chriss ending in extremely lopsided scores, what the hell do we even make of Third Time’s A Charm right now? For two weeks, Chriss looked like he had finally turned a corner and gone into full vengeance mode. Then these last two weeks happened and sunk Chriss out of a playoff spot altogether. I mean, getting pretty much doubled up by the second-to-last place Queen’s Gambit (sorry, Aly, but still)? That’s not reflective of a team who’s made it to back-to-back Epic Bowls. Chriss had better start to figure out his lineup soon, or else it’ll be too late to try for redemption in a third straight title game. Meanwhile, Aly’s own playoff hopes aren’t technically over just yet. This is the best her lineup has looked since Week 1, which coincidentally was the last time Josh Allen (44 points) went into Fire God mode. Should she win out, Aly would probably sneak into the playoffs (even in a lower seed). At the very least, Aly earning one more win may prove to be crucial, given the recent performance of someone else.

THE ANTARCTICANS (7-4) DEF. FOOTBALLDAMUS (3-8)

81.34 – 75.16

Holy shit that should not have been that close. WHY WAS THAT SO CLOSE?!? On paper, managing to get a win over a team on a three-game winning streak shouldn’t be cause for alarm. But when that opponent barely cracked 75 points, alarm bells are going off in my head. Credit to Footballdamus — three wins is a hell of a lot more than zero, and Riaz has suddenly made the race to not finish in last place actually competitive. All they can do is their best and Riaz has taken advantage of his opponents failing to reach expectations. Certainly, the Antarcticans failed to reach their expectations this past weekend. Pat Mahomes failed to unlock the Broncos defense, I got shell shocked by Sam LaPorta’s sudden placement on the IR, and A.J. Brown continues to piss me off to no end. But then George Pickens (20 points) managed to save the day on Monday night and made the Raiders’ performance (more on that later) slightly bearable. I’ve been decreasing my point output every week for the past month. That’s not a good sign.

STANDINGS

LEAGUE STANDINGS:

1. Don’t Draft and Drive (7-4)
2. Spider 2 Y Banana (7-4)
3. The Antarcticans (7-4)
4. Let Me Whisper in Jahmyr (6-5)
5. The Krispy Kritters (6-5)
6. Bijan Mustard (6-5)
7. Three Eyed Ravens (5-6)
8. Bone 2 Bone (5-6)
9. The Injured Reserves (5-6)
10. Third Time’s A Charm (5-6)
11. Queen’s Gambit (4-7)
12. Footballdamus (3-8)

Just making sure I’m not the only one who sees this — 1st and 10th place are separated by two games. WTF is up with this season…

BATTLE FOR THE BOBBLEHEAD:

1. Don’t Draft and Drive (1200.22)
2. Three Eyed Ravens (1184.80)
3. Bone 2 Bone (1173.80)
4. Let Me Whisper in Jahmyr (1148.54)
5. Spider 2 Y Banana (1141.00)
6. The Krispy Kritters (1138.54)
7. The Antarcticans (1110.28)
8. Bijan Mustard (1094.70)
9. The Injured Reserves (1085.62)
10. Third Time’s A Charm (1082.60)
11. Queen’s Gambit (1027.58)
12. Footballdamus (925.42)

DRINK PUNISHMENT TRACKER:

1. Aly (125.16) –> Nick (68.34) [Buzzballz of Nick’s choice]*
2. Emilio (128.00) –> Aly (68.32) [Southern Tier Pumpking Imperial Pumpkin Ale]**
3. Ewing (155.94) –> Richard (81.44) [Boilermaker]***
4. Nick (132.84) –> Arik (69.06) [Happy Dad Seltzer]
5. Kyle (123.82) –> Riaz (87.40) [Shot of Fireball]****
6. Ruben (133.28) –> Riaz (66.26) [Sake Bomb]****
7. Nick (141.86) –> Riaz (49.46) [Coors Light]****
8. Chriss (142.98) –> Arik (66.98) [Golden State Cider]
9. Chriss (133.80) –> Emilio (59.22) [Twisted Tea]
10. Emilio (153.88) –> Chriss (64.50) [Alesmith Speedway Stout]*****
11. Richard (126.52) –> Chriss (57.14) [Sierra Nevada Pale Ale]

* Nick chose Watermelon Splash — two of them for some reason

** Aly was offered a choice between that and Altamont Maui Waui IPA

*** Richard consumed a shot of tequila and a glass of beer separately, despite a Boilermaker being a shot of whiskey dropped into a glass of beer and chugged. However, Ewing accepted the alternative, so Richard’s punishment was considered fulfilled

**** The punishment was delayed until November due to Riaz partaking in Sober October

***** Chriss had a choice between that and Victoria Vicky Chamoy

BEST & WORST

UNEXPECTED PERFORMANCE

BEST: Two weeks, two wins, 275+ points scored (and two straight top scoring nods). That’s the kind of stretch dreams are made of, and Chriss got to live in that reality for two weeks. For a team which has been performing way below expectations, that kind of unexpected run can give seasons new life and turn campaigns around. Let’s see if Chriss can keep that momentum going.

WORST: Two weeks, two losses, barely 120+ points scored (and two straight drinking weeks). That’s the kind of stretch nightmares are made of, and Chriss got to live in that reality for the next two weeks. For a team that just seemed like a juggernaut, a complete reversal of fortune can rob seasons of any hope and undo any progress. You couldn’t have played this poorly in Week 9?

TRANSACTION

BEST: So Dad doesn’t believe I can be objective when talking about his team. So let me prove that false. Dad made two fantastic transactions this past week — dropping the Buccaneers defense (six points) for the Steelers defense (21 points) and picking up Sean Tucker, who scored 32 points. That’s a potential 40+ point swing based on two moves alone. Tremendous business. 

WORST: However, those moves were all for naught for three reasons. We’ll get to two of them later, but let’s start with the decision Dad made for the most important position: QB. With Daniel Jones on a bye, Dad took a risk on J.J. McCarthy, who only put up eight points. That was the difference in the matchup. There were multiple other free agents who performed way better.

LINEUP DECISION

BEST: It’s become kind of a running gag that Josh Allen might as well be automatically drafted to Aly’s roster each season. But there’s a reason Aly always picks him early: games like this. 44 freaking points — more than when he went super saiyan in Week 1. The rest of Aly’s lineup was pretty meh, but it didn’t matter because of the Fire God (also because Chriss laid an egg).WORST: Reason number two Dad lost: leaving Sean Tucker on the bench. 32 points were wasted for the chance to start Quinshon Judkins. Seeing Tetairoa McMillan’s 25 points rotting on the bench as well has to sting, too. Honorable mention goes to Riaz, who started Marcus Jones over Maxx Crosby. That eight-point swing would’ve kept his improbable winning streak alive.

LUCK

BEST: Speaking of that improbable winning streak, apparently Riaz isn’t going quietly into that cold night after all. Three straight wins mean last place is no longer a foregone conclusion. That being said, two of those wins came despite Riaz failing to crack the 75-point mark. Even I needed a Monday night rescue from George Pickens to be able to best Riaz’s 75-point total last week

.WORST: Reason number three Dad lost: terrible luck. Even with the McCarthy gamble gone wrong, Dad put up the second-most points and should’ve probably won. The problem? Richard was the highest scorer. Shoutouts to Jimmy, who put up 130 points in a loss back in Week 8, and Nick, who only put up 65 points this week despite making objectively all the right moves.

STAT OF THE MONTH

Even if you’re young, at the top of your profession, getting paid to do what you love, not having to worry about money, loved by family, friends, and fans, and you even just scored the first TD of your career, you could be fighting demons beyond anyone’s imagination. These demons have taken down the young and old, rich and poor, sad and (seemingly) happy. Some signs of depression are obvious, while others can be invisible. No matter how down you are, how dark and hopeless your situation seems to be, you are never alone and help is always available. If for whatever reason our friends and loved ones are unable to ask for help, it’s our job to be available for them, check up on them, and remind them they’re neither alone nor a burden. I love you all and hope you all are okay. You can reach out to me anytime. 

RIP Marshawn Kneeland.

Much like with the Epic League, I have no idea who’s actually good in the NFL (apart from Jaxson Dart, obviously). Unproven contenders are being led by young stars, reliable teams are anything but that, and every contender seems to have a major weakness. If the regular season ended today, the Philadelphia Eagles and Denver Broncos would be the No. 1 seeds in their respective conferences. Neither team has looked good let alone championship caliber on offense, with the defenses straight up carrying them to their respective records. In these circumstances, you tend to trust the teams who’ve been there before. That would be the Eagles, who remain NFC favorites despite their anemic offense (A.J. Brown get your fucking shit together, please). But in their offensive struggle, perhaps an appreciation for one key player can be found, at least according to a graphic from Sunday night. 

I mean, that’s a decade — a freaking DECADE — of inconsistency at the position most meant to help QBs. Despite not having the same offensive coordinator for back-to-back seasons over the past TEN YEARS, Jalen Hurts has won a CFB national championship (Tua Tagovailoa might have helped), been a Heisman Trophy finalist, reached multiple Pro Bowls and Super Bowls, won a Super Bowl, and been named Super Bowl MVP. He’s still only 27 years old and could get even better. While I’d be shocked if Philadelphia retains their OC after this season (marking another year of change for Hurts), imagine if he gets some consistency for once in his life.  

Saquon Barkley had a season for the ages last year. This year, Jonathan Taylor is on pace to have just as incredible of a season, if not greater. How Ewing is barely in playoff contention despite having Taylor in his lineup is astounding.

BTW, the three teams with more rushing TDs than Taylor are the Buffalo Bills, New York Giants, and (of course) Indianapolis Colts.

Also having an insane year: Myles Garrett, who will probably claim another DPOY honor this season. I guess he has a bit of an advantage, being able to use three legs and all.

Meantime, this weekend will feature the ultimate “unstoppable force vs. immovable object” matchup we’ve seen in a while. The Pittsburgh Steelers somehow can’t win in Chicago. However, Aaron Rodgers famously owns the Bears, with a 25-5 record (including playoffs) against them in his career. This will either be the game of the week or a complete shitshow. Either way, it will be glorious.

Christian McCaffrey’s receiving ability needs to be studied in a lab. Also, good on Ja’Marr Chase for getting within spitting distance of the top spot, unlike with the total yards race.

JFC, JSN.

Assuming Joe Burrow doesn’t come back and nothing bad happens with New York’s medical staff, the Baltimore Ravens will be facing the two QBs they employed from 2011-14 (Joe Flacco and Tyrod Taylor) back-to-back over the next two weeks. 

As for the Jets, what’s left to say about this sad sack of a franchise? I can’t imagine being a fan of a team that’s this consistently mediocre for so long…

(sigh) god damn it…

MONTHLY RAIDERS RANT

Against the Dallas Cowboys — owners of arguably the worst non-Cincinnati Bengals defense in the NFL — the Las Vegas Raiders put up a mere 236 yards of total offense, found the endzone just once (and not the time the defense forced a fumble in the red zone), and tallied just 16 points. Dallas had yet to hold an opponent under 20 points all season. Geno Smith threw for just 209 yards, 1 TD, and 1 INT and was sacked four times. In spite of the lack of success in the air, the Raiders only called eight running plays and finished with 27 rushing yards. 14 of those yards came on scrambles by Smith, while Ashton Jeanty finished with one more yard (seven) than carries (six). The Raiders defense, on the other hand, had two good stops on Cowboys drives (one of them when neither CeeDee Lamb nor George Pickens took the field) and forced a turnover before promptly rolling over and dying. With his four scoring tosses, Dak Prescott surpassed Tony Romo for most games with three passing TDs in franchise history. Those scores came despite throwing two fewer passes and just 58 more yards than Smith.

Look at the stats in the paragraph above. Look at the stat in the above section. Despite changing coaches, QBs, offensive skill players, and more, the Raiders on paper have made no improvement whatsoever. They still suck, still have a poor defense and even poorer offensive line, and are still an embarrassment. So, much like last year, I’m completely apathetic and just waiting until the season’s done to really rip this team a new one.

That being said, I will give one prediction: the Raiders will lose to the Cleveland Browns this weekend. The Browns are arguably one of the few teams worse than the Raiders and are being forced to give Shedeur Sanders (who has looked like dog crap during the entirety of his time in the NFL) his first career start. But they have a defense good enough to keep even a terrible offense in any game and the Raiders have done this before. Just a few years ago, the Raiders gave Jeff Saturday the first (and only) win of his head coaching career in his first game in charge. Plus, Sanders is going to be pissed off after someone broke into his house. History will happen again — I just dread the countdown to it happening.

#THROWBACKTHURSDAY

ON THIS DAY IN NFL HISTORY:

On November 20, 1983, a seemingly normal contest between the San Francisco 49ers and Atlanta Falcons ended with one of the NFL’s most underrated game-winning plays, which capped one of the league’s most surprising upsets ever. Going into the 1983 season, the NFL was hoping for some stability. A player’s strike the prior year resulted in a nine-game season, which saw only one of the above teams reach the playoffs. Naturally, that was the Falcons, who at 5-4 managed to make their third postseason in five seasons behind the play of QB Steve Bartkowski. In contrast, the 49ers, who were coming off winning the franchise’s first Super Bowl the prior season, went just 3-6 in 1982 and lost all their home games in the process. This — combined with a Week 1 loss to the Philadelphia Eagles to start the 1983 season — had many thinking San Francisco’s Super Bowl win was a fluke. But then the 49ers got their shit together and won six of their next seven games. A two-game losing streak followed, but San Francisco appeared to get its confidence back with a 27-0 thrashing of the New Orleans Saints, before heading off for a Week 12 showdown in Atlanta. The Falcons were expected to easily fall, not only because they were 4-7 at the time, but had lost to the 49ers earlier this season and had just been swept by those freshly destroyed Saints before the latter got killed by San Francisco.

Sure enough, it seemed like the Falcons would be easy pickings. After Atlanta missed a FG on its opening drive, San Francisco marched down the field, with Roger Craig capping off the drive with a six-yard TD. The Falcons went three-and-out on their next drive, with things getting worse when Ronnie Lott blocked a punt, with the 49ers getting the ball at Atlanta’s eight-yard line. On the first play of the 2nd quarter, Joe Montana found Wendell Tyler in the end zone to make it a 14-0 lead. But the Falcons would fight back, as Bartkowski marched his team down the field, hitting Stacey Bailey for an 18-yard TD strike to cut the lead to 14-7. San Francisco got back into Atlanta territory, but a sack forced them out of FG range. The Falcons then also got into enemy territory, but an unsuccessful 4th down attempt gave the 49ers the ball at their own 39-yard line with just over a minute left in the half. San Francisco hoped for a late FG to give them momentum, only for Renaldo Nehemiah to fumble the ball and Blaine Gaison to return it 64 yards for a defensive TD, bringing the halftime score to a surprising 14-14 tie. The 3rd quarter only saw San Francisco tack on a FG, with Atlanta with the ball down 17-14 going into the 4th.

It took less than two minutes of the final frame for the Falcons to strike, with Bartkowski hitting Gerald Riggs for a 40-yard TD to give Atlanta its first lead of the game at 21-17. Both defenses then locked in, each team forcing two straight punts. San Francisco got the ball back with just under three minutes remaining, which was prime Montana time (it also helped that Atlanta’s last punt had barely crossed midfield). A 19-yard strike to Mike Wilson got things started, but it was Montana’s legs that finished the job, with the 49ers QB running into the end zone from 11 yards out to seemingly give his team the lead for good. Down 24-21 with just over a minute to go, it seemed the Falcons would need a miracle to make the comeback. Bartkowski tried his best to move the offense down the field, but only got to San Francisco’s 47-yard line with a mere two seconds on the clock. With a Hail Mary the only choice, Bartkowski looked to target star WR Billy “White Shoes” Johnson. But just as he strode towards the end zone, Johnson slipped to the ground, getting up just as the ball reached the crowd of players near the end zone. The ball was somehow tipped right to him several yards out, with Johnson turning and cutting towards the end zone. Johnson was seemingly tackled two yards out, but dove forward and lunged over the goal line. It took a few seconds for the officials to make a call, but ultimately it was ruled that Johnson had crossed the line, giving the Falcons the improbable 28-24 comeback win.

While the play remains one of the greatest moments in Falcons history, it also marked the final spark of the Bartkowski era. Atlanta would finish 7-9, with 1983 marking the start of eight straight seasons with a losing record and without a playoff appearance. In fact, the next year the Falcons made the postseason would be 1991 — the last year in their then-home of Atlanta-Fulton County Stadium before their move to the Georgia Dome. Meanwhile, San Francisco would lose to the Chicago Bears the week after their heartbreaker in Atlanta. The 49ers did win their final three games to finish 10-6 and narrowly win the NFC West. San Francisco would top the Detroit Lions (who missed a last-second FG following a late 49ers TD) in the Divisional round, but fell behind 21-0 against Washington in the NFC title game. Although the 49ers managed to rally to tie the game, a pair of controversial calls against them led to the defending champs kicking a late FG to win 24-21 and advance to the Super Bowl. It would take just one year of suffering before San Francisco got revenge, winning Super Bowl XIX the following season before tacking on two more titles in the 1980’s to claim the title of team of the decade. As for the 1983 season, Washington would not go back-to-back, getting annihilated by the Los Angeles Raiders in Super Bowl XVIII, a game now known as “Black Sunday.” As we all know, the Raiders have had plenty of playoff success (and success in general) since then.

OTHER NOTABLE HAPPENINGS:

— 1983: Butch Woolfork sets the then-NFL single-game rushing attempts mark, carrying the ball 43 times for 159 yards and a TD in a 23-0 New York Giants win over the Philadelphia Eagles

— 1977: Walter Payton sets the then-NFL single-game rushing record, finishing with a whopping 275 yards (and a TD) as the Chicago Bears barely beat the Minnesota Vikings 10-7

— 1966: The Dallas Cowboys set an NFL record (tied four times since then) by recording 12 sacks in a single game, a 20-17 road victory against the Pittsburgh Steelers 

RUBEN’S RANKINGS

TOP 10 INTERNATIONAL TRIPS I’VE TAKEN AS AN ADULT

This may come as a shock to you all, but I just got back from an overseas trip. You may be wondering why I’m going on about Japan/South Korea again, but I’m actually not. Well, at least right now. No, I spent several days in Portugal last week for a good friend’s wedding in Lisbon, and returned one week ago yesterday. Between Japan/South Korea and Portugal — not to mention working 12 hours on Election Day while dealing with the worst case of jet lag I’ve ever dealt with — I’m kind of completely fucking exhausted and my brain can only think of one thing at a time. Right now, it’s travel, so we’re going with that. 

Anyway, I had a thought after I returned home and later confirmed my suspicions. Turns out, the Lisbon wedding marked the tenth international trip I’ve taken in my adult life. Given how much I travel and that I’ve been to 18 non-U.S. countries in my life, the fact that I’ve hit double digits internationally shouldn’t be surprising. Yet somehow it kind of puts everything into a perspective I hadn’t been ready for. Still, traveling is kind of my thing. While other people have decided to spend their 20’s and early 30’s focusing on things like finding true love, getting married, having children, starting a family, becoming financially successful, having a stable work/life balance, regularly seeing close friends, and achieving general happiness, I’ve decided to travel a lot. 

While I’m certainly grateful for being able to travel a lot and am not planning on stopping anytime soon, this milestone has me feeling retrospective. So if you’ll indulge me (and quite frankly if you won’t I totally get it), I’m going to dedicate an entire Top 10 list to my international vacations. Of all the places I’ve been and sights I’ve seen across all seven continents, which have been the best? Of course, other factors like logistical decisions I’ve made, good and bad luck I’ve had, and my general dumbassness will also be taken into consideration.

Despite the various mistakes I’ve made and hiccups I couldn’t plan for, I’ve gotten quite lucky when it comes to my trips and I’ve had far more positive experiences than negative ones. In fact, I really feel bad ranking any trip I’ve had towards the bottom of this list. So for the record, let me state that the vast majority of these trips have been amazing and even the ones ranked towards the bottom are only in that position because they’re being compared to trips that had a few more amazing moments. It’s like ranking the Top 10 meals you’ve ever had. Just because Meal No. 9 is far from Meal No. 1 on the list doesn’t mean it was bad. All in all, pretty much every trip I’ve been on has been majorly positive, with only one true exception.

10. ENGLAND/MOROCCO/SPAIN (2018)

Even this trip had positives. The two days spent in Manchester were enjoyable, the highlight being a VIP experience at a match at the home ground of my favorite soccer team, Manchester United. I also got to see Lionel Messi play in person in Barcelona. Even the Morocco portion gave me an incredible memory — seeing the sun rise over the Sahara Desert. Then everything literally turned to shit. Sometime in Morocco, I contracted shigella — a cousin of E.coli that resulted in substances coming out of both ends. I spent four days in Barcelona, but was extremely limited physically due to not being able to keep any food down and not being able to go an hour without being in the restroom. The illness cast a dark cloud over the entire trip.

9. PORTUGAL (2025)

This trip has a lot going against it compared to the others. I had just gotten back from another trip and was pretty tired. I was only in Portugal for three days, making this the shortest trip on this list. It was the only trip I hadn’t had any say in, with it being for a good friend’s wedding. It was also the first international trip where I didn’t visit a new country. That being said, I still managed to exclusively visit places in the Lisbon area I hadn’t been before, namely Sintra and Oeiras. I also got to travel with friends who hadn’t been overseas before, which was fascinating in the contrast between us. Also, Lisbon is a really cool city in general and getting to go back isn’t exactly twisting my arm. If anything, I wish it could’ve been alonger. But it wasn’t to be.

8. CANADA (2018)

2018 was a weird year for me, highlighted by my move to the morning show. That switch came just days after I had returned from a short (for me, anyway) four-day trip to Toronto. That trip was far from bad, but it has a few things going against it that push it down the list. I went in April to avoid the cold Canadian winter, only for a late snow storm to hit the day before I arrived and make everything frigid for the whole trip. I froze my ass off during the 34-degree weather for Leg 1 of the CONCACAF Champions League Final (a 2-1 Toronto FC loss) and had my day trip to Niagara Falls slightly dented by the fact that the falls were frozen. That being said, Toronto is a cool (heh) city filled with delicious food (shoutout poutine) and plenty of culture to enjoy.

7. ENGLAND/ITALY/VATICAN CITY/SAN MARINO (2021)

Don’t get the wrong idea about England — every bit of every trip I’ve taken there (including this one in London) has been fun. But like the 2018 trip, this one was impacted by outside forces. Take a look at the year — this trip was heavily influenced by the pandemic, with restrictions in place and limiting what I could do. Hell, confusion over a COVID test was the reason I missed my flight into Milan (and therefore a Champions League match between AC Milan and Atletico Madrid). Still, Italy was the country I had wanted to visit the most and it didn’t let me down. The food was absolutely spectacular, the scenery was beautiful, Rome was astounding, and the additions of the Vatican and San Marino were the perfect cherries on top of this trip.

6. JAPAN (2016)

Some of you may find it shocking that this trip is not No. 1, let alone not in the top half of this list. But while this placement should have no impact on how I feel about Japan, arguably my favorite country I’ve ever visited, it should show you just how far I’ve come in travel planning. I made so many mistakes on this trip, both with pre-planning and execution once I arrived. Looking back now, there are so many different things I should’ve done instead. That being said, I still had an awesome time for my first true international adventure. Japan is awesome and centering my journey in Tokyo and Kyoto was a surprisingly good move. I guess it’s good that this trip ranks where it is, because the majority of my trips since then have been even better.

5. GERMANY/FRANCE (2017)

After returning home from Japan, I asked myself what I wanted to do next. How about drinking a bunch of beer and eating delicious food? Turns out, there’s a festival for that in Munich. That (along with a desire to visit a high school friend) was the genesis for this trip, which originally was just going to be centered in Germany. But then late research led me to discover that I could go to a Champions League clash between PSG and Bayern Munich in Paris. So France got added to the list, with visits to the Eiffel Tower and the Louvre being immediate highlights. But let’s not forget Germany, which is an incredibly underrated travel destination. I will return one of these days, if only because I must attend a Borussia Dortmund home match before I die.

4. NEW ZEALAND/AUSTRALIA (2023)

As much as I love solo traveling and being able to do whatever I want, each of the remaining trips on this list were made with other people. In this case, Gabby makes her international debut thanks to a desire to attend the 2023 Women’s World Cup. While the U.S. was incredibly disappointing in the tournament, New Zealand and Australia were not. The former might rival Japan for my favorite country to visit, with Auckland being a lovely place to be. Australia lived up to the hype, with Sydney providing plenty to do and thoroughly pushing my “enjoying being on the coast” button. We also got to visit family in Byron Bay, which at the time was the most beautiful foreign place I’d ever visited. All of this, despite the fact that I developed kidney stones.

3. ANDORRA/SPAIN/MOROCCO/PORTUGAL (2024)

Morocco in the Top 3? What madness is this? Well, it’s nothing Morocco did. For some reason, my Antarctica friends wanted to go there next, so I found myself reliving personal demons. But it was much more enjoyable than 2018 due to not just me not getting sick this time, but because I got to take the piss out of Morocco with my good friends. This doesn’t mean my solo adventures became secondary. Andorra was a hidden gem and I finally got to enjoy Spain to the fullest, eating my way through Barcelona and consuming plenty of soccer and beer in Madrid. This trip was also my introduction to Portugal, with Lisbon proper providing plenty of memories. I also arrived home knowing that once I took off for my next trip, I’d be revisiting where it all began.

2. JAPAN/SOUTH KOREA (2025)

While not every member of the real life Antarcticans who went on the prior trip made it to this one, this trip was nonetheless special. I’d been waiting nearly a decade to return to Japan and it was rewarding to realize my love for the country wasn’t just because it was my first big trip. We had a good mix of revisiting old sites and exploring new ones, particularly in Osaka. Then came South Korea, which I thoroughly underestimated. I had enjoyed some Korean food here at home, but the food I had in Seoul was incredible. It has such a similar yet different vibe to Japan, and I’m not sure which I enjoyed more. It was a lot of fun and I want to go back someday. Plus, there was another adventure I had in South Korea which I promise to revisit in about seven paragraphs.

1. CHILE/ARGENTINA/ANTARCTICA (2024)

Was there any doubt? This adventure was the culmination of nearly a decade of travel and the realization of a major goal. Santiago was a fun place to visit and being in what is technically the world’s most southern “city” in Ushuaia was unique (Tierra del Fuego National Park is the most beautiful place in civilization I’ve been to. But of course, what puts this trip above the rest and any I’ll ever take in my life was the fact that I went beyond the end of the world, stepping foot in Antarctica and finishing my dream of visiting every continent. No words or photographs could properly convey what it was like to be in Antarctica, and I got to experience all of that while making several new friends and sparking the next chapter of my travel life. It’s unbeatable.

THIS WEEK’S MATCHUPS

THE ANTARCTICANS (7-4) VS. DON’T DRAFT AND DRIVE (7-4)

Aw shit, here we go again. The rivalry resumes once again, and this time we’re both tied at the top of the standings. Don’t Draft and Drive appears primed for revenge against the Antarcticans for the Week 1 defeat. Kyle has not only successfully recovered from his poor start to reach first place, but appears to have reached his final form as we near the playoffs. He also has Travis Kelce, who can counter anything good Pat Mahomes does for me. Jaylen Warren (injury) and A.J. Brown (sucking) are also big questions, not to mention Sam LaPorta just got put on IR.

LET ME WHISPER IN JAHMYR (6-5) VS. THE KRISPY KRITTERS (6-5)

Given the closeness of the standings, a battle like this between Let Me Whisper in Jahmyr and the Krispy Kritters could be incredibly crucial to both teams’ playoff chances. Each of them have a rough end to the regular season, with Nick’s final two games being against Jimmy and Emilio and Richard’s against me and Kyle. Based on current standings, Richard seems under the most pressure to win this week, although Dak Prescott could be facing a tough matchup. On the other hand, Nick and his lineup will be eager to prove that last week’s dumpster fire was a fluke.

BIJAN MUSTARD (6-5) VS. THREE EYED RAVENS (5-6)

Another crucial battle for playoff seeding — and possible entrance — is taking place between Bijan Mustard and Three Eyed Ravens. Ewing is somehow in the bottom half of the standings despite enjoying the services of Jonathan Taylor. Meanwhile, Emilio is enjoying the emergence of TreVeyon Henderson. Jahmyr Gibbs and the Lions defense should also roll against the Giants, but Joe Flacco’s injury concerns could see Emilio be forced to use Jaxson Dart. Those points could negate anything Detroit’s defense does, leaving a weakness for Ewing to exploit.

SPIDER 2 Y BANANA (7-4) VS. BONE 2 BONE (5-6)

Even in today’s offensive-loaded NFL, it’s unusual to see a team projected to score above 110 points in a single week. That (as of this writing) is where we are with Spider 2 Y Banana. Jimmy has the likes of Lamar Jackson (back with a vengeance), Saquon Barkley, Javonte Williams, Davante Adams, and Trey McBride — that’s a terrifying lineup on paper. It’s this lineup which Bone 2 Bone must compete against in order to keep its own playoff hopes in strong position. Dad has already lost to me — he surely can’t keep losing to people born in July of 1992.

THE INJURED RESERVES (5-6) VS. THIRD TIME’S A CHARM (5-6)

Due to the close nature of the current standings, a loss this week wouldn’t completely doom either the Injured Reserves or Third Time’s A Charm. That being said, another defeat could put either Arik or Chriss’ season in serious jeopardy. Credit to Arik for being able to stay in the fight with his makeshift roster, which actually looks pretty potent this week. At this point, it’s fruitless to try to predict how Chriss’ lineup will perform — two weeks of ripping people (including me) apart were followed by two weeks of putrid performances. Which way will it go this time?

QUEEN’S GAMBIT (4-7) VS. FOOTBALLDAMUS (3-8)

LADY AND GENTLEMEN, WE’VE GOT A PRIME TIME TOILET BOWL ON OUR HANDS! For half the season, it seemed like last place would be a foregone conclusion. But three straight wins by Footballdamus have suddenly made it a contest, with Queen’s Gambit securing a crucial victory last weekend to give them the edge. If Aly manages to win this weekend, it would all but put Riaz on the track to run the beer mile (given disparity in point differential). But if Riaz can manage to pull off another upset, the next two weeks will be quite interesting at the bottom.

ONE LAST THING

There’s one travel story I haven’t told you all yet: the time I came within 200 meters of being in North Korea.

During my second full day in South Korea, I and two of my Antarctica friends boarded a bus and headed to the Korean Demilitarized Zone (DMZ), the region along the border of North and South Korea that acts as a buffer between the two countries. Turns out, you can actually take tours there, which of course us crazy people took advantage of.

At first, the bus headed north to the city of Paju, which is pretty much the closest city to the border. After briefly stopping at the Gamaksan mountain and enjoying a slightly terrifying suspension bridge, the bus pulled into Imjingak Park, which is less than five miles away from the DMZ and essentially the closest that civilians not in tours can get to the border. The park itself was fascinating, filled with touching and sobering memorials to the Korean War. That includes the Freedom Bridge, the tracks of the former Gyeongui train line (which used to connect North and South Korea), and a train engine that had been shot more than 1,000 times during the fighting. The main information center also includes a Dunkin Donuts. 

From there, we reboarded our bus and drove onto a bridge — straight into a military checkpoint. Two Korean soldiers fully armed and uniformed boarded our bus and examined each of us as we held our passports open above our heads. Having proven we weren’t spies, the bus was allowed to continue north, past a road checkpoint center that hadn’t been used since North Korean athletes went south for the 2018 Winter Olympics. If things weren’t already serious by then (and all of the military signs and barbed wire along the road didn’t add to the feeling), it got more real when we parked outside of Dora Observatory, where we were allowed to take a picture of an abandoned military building — and that’s it.

It was at the observatory (where we weren’t allowed to take pictures facing north) that it truly became real. Inside the observatory, perched on top of a small mountain, we were able to see into North Korea. That sentence alone — the fact that I saw North Korea with my own eyes — is still hard to believe. On top of the observatory, we were even able to stare through binoculars at the area, which includes the major city of Kaesong as well as the village of Kijong-dong, which technically doesn’t have anyone living in it. Being able to look through binoculars and see the North Korean flag flying was fascinating if not a little eerie. Again, I wasn’t allowed to take any photos, so if you want any visuals to accompany my story you’ll have to use Google.

But we weren’t done yet. Back on the bus, we then headed into the actual DMZ proper. While we were able to take pictures of the various memorials at the site, including the 38th parallel (the former border between North and South Korea), we were straight up told to leave our phones on the bus for the next part of our journey: the Third Tunnel. One of four known tunnels dug by North Korea underground into South Korea, the third tunnel can be accessed by putting on a hard hat and walking down a 11-degree slope for 358 meters into the earth. Given there are no elevators and limited space, you’re not allowed to even go down there if you’re in poor health or unable-bodied. 

After getting down into the literal ground, we then had to walk another 250 meters through the tunnel itself, ducking down and still scraping our heads on the roof of the cave. What rewarded us at the end of our walk was the first of three concrete barriers. Through a window, we could see a patch of earth and the second barrier. Beyond that is the final barrier, marking the border with North Korea. The first barrier is approximately 170 meters away, meaning I got less than half an Olympic track length away from physically being in North Korea. There’s a reason I didn’t mention this trip to my parents until I returned home.

One excruciating walk back up 11 degrees for 358 meters to the tunnel’s entrance later, it was time for us to go get food and then go back to Seoul. But I can’t help but flash back to that day ever since then. Travelers are already used to visiting some places that many people either don’t want to or are afraid to visit. This has led to some fantasies about visiting “forbidden” places, including North Korea. While I’ve never seriously researched North Korea travel, the thought has been a wild “what if” in my head. But having gotten this close and seen North Korea with my own eyes, I can honestly say I’m satisfied. I don’t imagine I’ll ever get this close again, and I’m okay with that. It will remain one of the more surreal travel experiences of my life, and not just for the reasons you’d think.

You see, while I wasn’t allowed to take pictures of North Korea at the observatory, I still had my phone on me. While I was waiting for one of my friends to use the bathroom, I realized I didn’t know where my other friend was. Wondering if they had already made their way back to the bus, I got out my phone to check WhatsApp and see if he had sent any messages. It was then that I realized that I had gotten a whole lot of texts from you guys. Wondering what the hell happened, I read the messages and then, horrified, went on the ESPN website to confirm what had happened. Sure enough, I had lost.

Yes, this was the day that Emilio made his improbable comeback against me thanks to Jahmyr Gibbs’ incredible performance. Yes, I found out that I had lost a fantasy football game in devastation fashion while seeing North Korea with my own eyes and being just miles away from the border. You cannot make this shit up. 

Anyway, now whenever I think of Jahmyr Gibbs, I think about North Korea. I mean, have you ever seen Dan Campbell and Kim Jong Un in the same room? 

Ruben Dominguez

Commissioner, Epic League of Epic Epicness

2019 & 2024 Champion, Epic League of Epic Epicness