Ruben's Writings

As I’ve mentioned a few times before, this year I decided to re-attempt a challenge I completed nine years ago: watch 100 movies I’ve never seen before in a calendar year. Back then, I had realized there was a shocking amount of classic films I’d never seen. So I decided to cross a huge chunk of them off the list at once. The funny thing about completing that challenge was that while I accomplished my goal, I also realized just how many fantastic movies have been made, and how it would take at least another 100 (and then a lot more) before I could remotely come close to seeing them all. I actually tried to do it again in 2019, but I fell off just before I got to the halfway point. But I’ve always wanted to do it again, and finally gave it a shot this year. So with about two weeks left in the year, how’s my progress at this point? How many movies that I had previously never watched have I seen so far in 2024?

100. Yep, I did it again, with plenty of time to spare. Here’s the list (in order from left-right, top-bottom):

As was the case the previous time, this 100 is a mix of classic movies from different decades, movies I’ve been wanting to see for a while, new releases, and various recommendations I’ve gotten from friends/family and the internet. There are some patterns you can see in the grid. The first ten movies were released in 2023. In May, I exclusively watched animated movies (ani-May, am I right?). In October, I exclusively watched horror movies (in honor of Halloween). The final ten movies have titles that begin with the word “The.” In between all of it, some movies were chosen for specific numbers, referencing little jokes or other inside information. For example, I am a TV producer born in 1992, so The Producers became the 92nd movie. There’s plenty of little insights you can get by looking at the grid.

Will I ever do this again? Well, Hollywood loves trilogies. But if I try to go for the final third of a so-called “300,” it won’t be for quite a while. I need a bit of a break from movies. But at least this gave me a tailor-made theme for this newsletter. 

(cue theme music)

RECAP OF LAST WEEK

MAYBE THIS YEAR (9-5) DEF. WELL DAMN (8-6)

122.62 – 119.02

Mark it down: apart from the infamous Monday Night comeback Kyle had over Aly, this game could be the most influential on the entire season. Think about it, a regular season finale showdown between two of the top teams that sees just a few points decide not only the victor, but those teams’ positions in the standings and the very sides of the bracket they’re on. Not so surprisingly, it was Maybe This Year (not the name change) that came out on top both times. In this case, Puka Nacua (29 points), Jalen Hurts (24 points), Zack Baun (15 points), Rico Dowdle (14 points), and Tank Bigsby (13 points) were enough to hold off a furious rally by Well Damn, led by Ja’Marr Chase (32 points). This is Chriss’ fourth loss in a row, with the team that’s spent the majority of the season in first place still in the top half of the standings, but now seemingly in freefall going into the preseason. Meanwhile, Kyle is seemingly set to ride the engagement juju all the way to the championship game, where he’s lined up to face a potential juggernaut.

QUEEN’S GAMBIT (9-5) DEF. THE KRISPY KRITTERS (4-10)

119.48 – 97.70

Josh Allen. Josh Allen. Josh Allen. Josh Allen. Josh Allen. Josh Allen. Josh Allen. Josh Allen. Josh Allen. Josh Allen. Josh Allen. Josh Allen. Josh Allen. Josh Allen. Josh Allen. Josh Allen. Josh Allen. Josh Allen. Josh Allen. Josh Allen. Josh Allen. Josh Allen. Josh Allen. Josh Allen. Josh Allen. Josh Allen. Josh Allen. Josh Allen. Josh Allen. Josh Allen. Josh Allen. Josh Allen. Josh Allen. Josh Allen. Josh Allen. Josh Allen. Josh Allen. Josh Allen. Josh Allen. Josh Allen. Josh Allen. Josh Allen. Josh Allen. Josh Allen. Josh Allen. Josh Allen. Josh Allen. Josh Allen. Josh Allen. Josh Allen. Josh Allen. Josh Allen. Josh Allen. Josh Allen. Josh Allen. Josh Allen. Josh Allen. Josh Allen. Josh Allen. Josh Allen. Josh Allen. Josh Allen. Josh Allen. Josh Allen. Josh Allen. Josh Allen. Josh Allen. Josh Allen. Josh Allen. Josh Allen. Josh Allen. Josh Allen. Josh Allen. Josh Allen. Josh Allen. Josh Allen. Josh Allen. Josh Allen. Josh Allen. Josh Allen. Josh Allen. Josh Allen. Josh Allen. Josh Allen. Josh Allen. Josh Allen. Josh Allen. Josh Allen. Josh Allen. Josh Allen. Josh Allen. 

BONE 2 BONE (4-10) DEF. VELVET THUNDER (7-7)

116.56 – 60.32

So with Josh Allen (51 points [holy shit]) essentially being the reason Queen’s Gambit took down the Krispy Kritters, the door was open for Bone 2 Bone to make a last-second escape from last place (and the punishment that comes with it). All Dad had to do was beat Emilio, who was fighting for his playoff life. But although both desperately needed the win, only one of them showed up. In fact, Velvet Thunder laid the biggest, velvietest egg of the season, scoring the second-fewest points for any team in a single week all year. Hell, Josh Allen nearly gave Aly as many points as Emilio’s entire team gave him. All of this was music to Dad’s ears, as the likes of Joe Burrow (25 points), Tyreek Hill (18 points), Khalil Shakir (16 points), and Anders Carlson (16 points) outscored Emilio’s whole lineup by themselves. As a result, Dad has completed his quite frankly remarkable rally and avoided the punishment. Meantime, Richard has to run a beer mile as a result of his last place finish. The choke and the comeback — both now in the history books. 

CHANNEL 4 NEWS TEAM (8-6) DEF. THE ANTARCTICANS (8-6)

124.40 – 100.46

Let me begin by stating, for the record, that I knew that I had an empty roster spot going into the weekend. In fact, I had two — I filled one with Zach Charbonnet (31 points). But given that I also had a fair amount of starters (including RBs) on a bye and any injuries my other RBs had were temporary, I didn’t want to sacrifice someone already on my bench for a mere one-week rental right before the playoffs. Plus, the Antarcticans were already locked into the postseason. In fact, my playoff position would not have been altered even if I had added another RB off the waiver wire. Not only did I score enough to avoid dropping down due to total points, but I would’ve lost anyway due to Channel 4 News Team being the highest scorer of the week. Between the likes of Justin Jefferson (25 points), Isaac Guerendo (24 points), Baker Mayfield (21 points), and Bijan Robinson (18 points), Arik had everyone else in the league cleared and secured his own spot in the playoffs. Don’t worry, I’ll have a full roster this weekend, because I’m going to need it.

HAWK TUA (7-7) DEF. THREE EYED RAVENS (5-9)

117.68 – 77.82

From one remarkable rally to another — one capped off by an escape from the pit, the other by being able to stay alive for at least one more week. The hottest team in the playoffs isn’t Kyle or Aly — it’s Nick. Hawk Tua, once dead and buried and with their namesake concussed, stormed back by going on a scoring surge, coming one Josh Allen Super Saiyan performance away from winning the scoring title. This week was no exception, with Nick knowing that a playoff spot was all but guaranteed with a victory. That was guaranteed by the best performance by a non-Fire God QB in Sam Darnold (34 points), with Rachaad White (22 points), David Montgomery (14 points), and Jaxon Smith-Njigba (14 points), providing more than enough support. It also helped that Nick was facing the already-eliminated Three Eyed Ravens, whose performance reflected both the sheer amount of key players on a bye and the overall state of the season. It’s okay, Ewing — the season is finally over. Meantime, Nick not only plays on, but gets the 7-seed.

FOOTBALLDAMUS (8-6) DEF. HOG WILD (7-7)

118.60 – 102.26

No matter what happened with the other matchups, the winner between Footballdamus and Hog Wild would clinch a spot in the playoffs. Fittingly, this went back-and-forth like a playoff battle should. Thanks to the likes of  Brock Purdy (22 points), Kyren Williams (21 points), and Chase Brown (18 points), the winner was Riaz, who’s done a lot of that — winning — lately. Although the likes of Aly, Kyle, and Nick have garnered the headlines in the second half of the season, Riaz has turned a 2-5 start into a playoff berth. Riaz has won six of his last seven games, with his only loss coming to the highest-scoring team in the league (despite scoring 119 points himself). All I know is that I’d hate to be the team that Riaz faces in the first round of the playoffs. Wait a minute… (checks bracket) SON OF A BITCH!!! As for Riaz’s latest victim, fortunately for Jimmy, Emilio’s loss means that his fall won’t be far enough to miss the playoffs. While Jimmy has to face the fury that is Josh Allen this weekend, Emilio can only watch the quarter-finals from the couch.

STANDINGS

FINAL LEAGUE STANDINGS:

1. Queen’s Gambit (9-5)
2. Maybe This Year (9-5)
3. The Antarcticans (8-6)
4. Well Damn (8-6)
5. Channel 4 News Team (8-6)
6. Footballdamus (8-6)
7. Hawk Tua (7-7)
8. Hog Wild (7-7)
9. Velvet Thunder (7-7)
10. Three Eyed Ravens (5-9)
11. Bone 2 Bone (4-10)
12. The Krispy Kritters (4-10)

FINAL JOUST FOR THE JERSEY:

1. Queen’s Gambit (1583.46)
2. Hawk Tua (1525.88)
3. The Antarcticans (1513.56)
4. Well Damn (1502.34)
5. Maybe This Year (1488.58)
6. Bone 2 Bone (1481.34)
7. Channel 4 News Team (1463.60)
8. Hog Wild (1459.42)
9. Footballdamus (1449.14)
10. Velvet Thunder (1351.86)
11. Three Eyed Ravens (1305.70)
12. The Krispy Kritters (1269.60)

For earning the most points scored across the season, Aly has won the XL St. Louis Battlehawks jersey, though she should probably invest in a Josh Allen jersey given that he was pretty much responsible for holding off a late surge from Nick. Given that Aly also finished first in terms of record, the recipient of free beer will now go to a person of my choosing. That person is actually two people — Nick, for managing to rally into a second-place scoring finish and a deserved playoff spot in the final regular season weekend, and Dad, for finishing in the top half of the scoring table despite having the tied-for-worst record in the league. Nick and Dad have until the start of next season to cash in this offer of a free beer of their choosing.

DRINK PUNISHMENT TRACKER:

1. Ruben (132.52) –> Emilio (65.62) [two glasses of Croft Purple Velvet wine]
2. Kyle (151.02) –> Richard (68.34) & Riaz (69.08) [two shots of tequila]
3. Nick (151.96) –> Ruben (64.68) [two cans of Guinness]
4. Jimmy (131.62) –> Aly (73.80)** & Richard (74.50) [Device Curious Haze]*
5. Ruben (141.72) –> Jimmy (87.42) [Liquid Gravity Miami Heist Hazy]*** & Arik (87.46) [Voodoo Ranger Atomic Pumpkin]
6. Arik (145.32) –> Chriss (54.12) [two BuzzBallz of Chriss’ choosing]****
7. Aly (151.22) –> Jimmy (63.04) [two vodka seltzers of Jimmy’s choosing]*****
8. Ruben (138.16) –> Ewing (82.40) [Smirnoff Ice]******
9. Arik (127.88) –> Chriss (83.62) [Golden Road Brewing Big Hazy Wolf Double IPA] & Richard (84.54) [Figueroa Mountain Lizard’s Mouth Imperial IPA]
10. Chriss (145.90) –> Emilio (75.90) [Stone Fear.Movie.Lions Hazy Double IPA]
11. Kyle (136.04) –> Richard (74.88) [Eggnog BuzzBallz]
12. Richard (133.26) –> Arik (79.86) [Angry Orchard with a shot of Fireball]
13. Aly (142.12) –> Ewing (66.98) [two Long Drinks]
14. Arik (124.40) –> Emilio (60.32) [two BuzzBallz of Emilio’s choosing]

* Aly was given the option to drink a buzz ball, due to not having access to Curious Haze

** Ewing also drank a buzz ball because yolo

*** Jimmy couldn’t find Miami Heist Hazy, so he also drank Atomic Pumpkin

**** Chriss chose Tequila Rita

***** Jimmy chose High Noon

****** Had to be consumed as if Ewing was “iced”

BEST & WORST

UNEXPECTED PERFORMANCE

BEST: Josh Allen having a good game isn’t exactly unexpected. Josh Allen putting up the highest single-game point total of any QB in NFL history is. You score 50+ points, you get this award. However, he’s not the only one. Sam Darnold’s fantastic week got overshadowed by Allen in most places, but not here. Somehow, Darnold was the second-highest scoring player of the week.

WORST: I’m not sure what’s more disappointing about Emilio’s season. The fact that he was in the playoff picture for so long, yet didn’t make it? The fact that he just needed one good effort in his final two games, but didn’t? Or the fact that when he absolutely couldn’t afford to lay an egg, he had his smallest point total all year and got eliminated as a result? That one. Yep, that one.

TRANSACTION

BEST: There was no one transaction good enough to win, but there were a few that deserve to be mentioned. Ewing swapped out the Colts defense in favor of the 49ers defense. Riaz may have dropped the 49ers defense in the first place, but he did get Xavier McKinney. Dad picked up Anders Carlson in favor of Blake Grupe. Arik got Isaac Guerendo in place of Jordan Mason.

WORST: Like the category above, there wasn’t really one bad transaction that negatively impacted a matchup so much that it swayed the outcome. But there was one that came close. Jimmy, perhaps evoking his full Raiders fan-ness, added Derek Carr over Jauan Jennings. Carr did poorly and broke his hand, while Jennings dropped 21 points, all of which went to waste.

LINEUP DECISION

BAD: I was going to give Nick the “good” version of this award, for sticking with Rachaad White in the midst of Bucky Irving’s surge and being rewarded with 22 points. But then I took a closer look at his lineup and discovered that Nick went with White (and technically Nick Chubb) over Jordan Addison, who finished with 31 points. Fortunately for Nick, the lost points didn’t matter in the end.

WORST: This one’s a little bit of a nit pick, but there was only one matchup that was decided by fewer than ten points. In fact, it was decided by three, less than the seven-point swing Chriss would’ve gotten had he gone with Jason Sanders over Brandon Aubrey. While the decision was understandable, it still could end up costing Chriss big in the grand scheme of things.

LUCK

BEST: I think it’s safe to say that Aly’s luck has officially flipped back around. The fantasy gods must’ve felt sympathy for her after Kyle’s comeback, because Aly has scored 383 points over the past three weeks. Such a scoring surge not only guaranteed three straight wins (letting her rise to the top of the standings), but also the regular season scoring title. Oh yeah, and Josh Allen.

WORST: Despite losing the first five games of the season, Richard won three of his next four and had a multi-game lead ahead of last place. But then that bad luck returned at the worst time, with Richard winning just one of his final five games, while Dad had the surge of surges to do just enough to get out of the basement. Also, beer mile = bad luck, no matter what context

.

THE CAST LIST

1. QUEEN’S GAMBIT

We are clearly still living in a woman’s world. One year after a surprising run to the title, Queen’s Gambit has now claimed the top seed in the playoffs (as well as the top scoring nod) and looks even more terrifying than last season. The source of Aly’s success can be summed up in five words: Josh Allen and Saquon Barkley. It’s honestly incredible how Aly managed to secure each of the two MVP favorites, who each play different positions. But this roster is much more than a two-headed monster. Courtland Sutton, Najee Harris, George Pickens, and DK Metcalf fill in the positions in this terrifying lineup. Only one person has ever won back-to-back titles in the Epic League, and their last name was Ewing. Can another member of the Ewing clan repeat the feat?

2. MAYBE THIS YEAR

Perhaps the only thing that can topple the Ewing empire is the very power that got them on top in the first place. Last month, Kyle dipped into the dark arts of personal happiness and gof engaged, activating the legendary boost to make his squad even more invincible. Maybe This Year not only changed their name, but rose to second place (missing out on the top seed on points). Kyle’s lineup, traditionally pass-happy, is more run-focused this year, with the likes of Jalen Hurts, Brian Robinson, Breece Hall, Tank Bigsby, and Rico Dowdle. That being said, having Puka Nuka, DeVonta Smith, and Marvin Harrison Jr. can’t hurt, either. Fun fact: Kyle is the only person who hasn’t lost at least two games in a row this season. Spoiler alert: that won’t change at all.

3. THE ANTARCTICANS

While I have confidence in my team, they also frustrate me. The Antarcticans had the fourth-most points all season and in certain weeks have proven they can beat any team. A lineup featuring Lamar Jackson, Mike Evans, CeeDee Lamb, Kenneth Walker, Tee Higgins, and Rhamondre Stevenson should consistently finish among the top scoring teams each week. The thing is, apart from Jackson and (mostly) Evans, the rest of them have been incredibly inconsistent. Between injuries, erratic play, and having shitting QBs throwing them the ball, I can expect anything from goose eggs to record-setting numbers. Put it this way: my team has the ability to win it all, as well as the ability to get its ass kicked in the first round. Prediction: it will be one of those outcomes.

4. WELL DAMN

Throughout most of the season, Well Damn seemed like a lock to at least get back to the Epic Bowl, having sat on top of the standings while boasting a commanding 8-2 record. But then a funny thing happened. Chriss’ team took a slight step back, though not exactly playing terribly. However, 8-2 became 8-6, with four straight losses to end the season dropping Chriss all the way from first to fourth. While Ja’Marr Chase is like a guaranteed 25+ points each game, James Conner, Keenan Allen, and even more consistent players like Jahmyr Gibbs and Travis Kelce have been anything but that lately. Chirss’ QB problem remains unsolved, with either Jameis Winston or Russell Wilson in charge this week. If Chriss isn’t careful, his freefall will continue.

5. CHANNEL 4 NEWS TEAM 

Once again, Arik has assembled a dark horse contender that has the potential to go quite far in the playoffs. Channel 4 News Team eventually proved itself to be arguably the best out of the conglomerate of teams that represented the middle of the standings for much of the year. Justin Jefferson is goddamn unstoppable, while Jordan Love, Bijan Robinson, Zay Flowers, Joe Mixon, and other members of the lineup can put up plenty of points each week. Throw in new additions like Amari Cooper and Isaac Guerendo and there’s even more potential. The main problem for Arik has been streakiness. For the most part, he’s neither won nor lost more than two games in a row throughout the season. Given that Arik’s won two in a row, that doesn’t bode too well.

6. FOOTBALLDAMUS

Don’t look now, but Footballdamus is the hottest team in the league. After stumbling to a 2-5 start, Riaz has quietly rebuilt his lineup into one that’s entering the playoffs having won six of its past seven games. Almost all of those have seen Riaz score triple-digits, with a 119-point performance only being a loss due to playing Aly that week (it would’ve seen seven in a row) Brock Purdy is a perfect representation of this team: putting up productive but not flashy performances left and right. Throw in the likes of A.J. Brown, Darnell Mooney, Kyren Williams, Chase Brown, Mark Andrews, and Tank Dell, and the all-underrated, high-scoring, non-superstar rotation is complete. All of this is bad news for whoever has to play Riaz in the first round. The poor bastard…

7. HAWK TUA

The previous paragraph said, Hawk Tua’s got a compelling case for being the hottest team going into the playoffs. The evidence: Nick currently has the longest winning streak in the league, having won four in a row, all with triple-digit efforts (including three 115+ point games). Nick has done an admittedly excellent job of weathering the storm following the multi-game injury to both his QB and namesake. Instead of Tua Tagovailoa, Nick has hung his comeback on the back of Sam Darnold’s career resurgence. David Montgomery, Jaxon Smith-Njibga, Rachaad White, Jonathan Taylor, Jordan Addison, and Brock Bowers make up the rest of a lineup that finished within one Josh Allen firestorm away from winning the scoring title. Nick will settle for the trophy.

8. HOG WILD

One year after sneaking into the playoffs as the final entry, Hog Wild finds themselves… in the final playoff spot after having snuck into the postseason. If you only look at the fact that Jimmy had the first overall pick, his season seems disappointing. But if you factor in the fact that Christian McCaffrey missed most of the season, it actually may be a miracle that Jimmy made the postseason in the first place. On paper, Jayden Daniels, Davante Adams, Deebo Samuel, Alvin Kamara, Sam LaPorta, Adam Thielen, and Terry McLaurin make up a damn good team. However, Jimmy’s lineup has been anything but consistent, going into the playoffs having lost four of the past five games to ensure he’s got the toughest road to the title out of everyone.

IN MEMORIAM

9. VELVET THUNDER

Throughout the season, there were nine teams that generally had their shit together. With only eight playoff spots, one of those teams was destined to be left out. That team was Velvet Thunder, whose season-long story is one of tragedy. After a quite frankly terrible draft (filled with picks like Travis Etienne, Nico Collins, Raheem Mostert, Jayden Reed, and Caleb Williams), Emilio managed to rebuild and emerge as a mid-pack playoff contender with a four-game winning streak. But as the year went on, Emilio struggled to find any kind of consistency. In the end, needing just one more win to essentially book his spot in the playoffs, Emilio’s lineup was flatter than flat over the last two games of the season, dropping both contests to end his 2024.

10. THREE EYED RAVENS

Two years after winning it all and a year after a semi-final berth, Ewing’s momentum has finally petered out. Hurdle after hurdle emerged in front of Three Eyed Ravens throughout the year — any team can trip up if there are enough hurdles. Despite nailing the third overall pick (Derrick Henry), Ewing’s other top picks were besieged by injury (Isiah Pacheco, Brandon Aiyuk, Chris Godwin), unexpectedly declined (C.J. Stroud, Jaylen Waddle, Austin Ekeler), or disappeared off the face of the earth (Kyle Pitts, except that one time). Although he managed to recover and even break .500 at the halfway point of the season, the wheels completely came off the wagon in the second half, as Ewing lost six of his last seven games and completed the great fall from grace.

11. BONE 2 BONE

If you ever need proof that Yahoo!’s metrics are full of shit, look no further than the post-draft projection of Bone-2-Bone to not just finish the regular season in first place, but go 14-0 in the process. That… did not happen, though it wasn’t entirely Dad’s fault. While every year he bitches that he’s undone by terrible luck, he was actually right this time. Despite finishing above or near triple digits in five of his first eight games, Dad lost all of them and nearly went winless. But just when all seemed lost and last place seemed secured, luck turned around just enough for Dad to win three of his last four games and jump out of the basement at the last second. Dad’s roster could definitely score, but a combination of inconsistency, injuries, and bad luck neutered them.

12. THE KRISPY KRITTERS

On the other hand, if you ever need proof that Yahoo’s metrics are actually good, look no further than the post-draft projection of the Krispy Kritters to finish in last place. That… did in fact happen. Much like Dad, Richard’s lineup got off to a slow start, losing its first five games while only breaching the 90-point mark once during that time. But a sudden hot streak saw three wins in four games, seemingly putting Richard on the verge of not having to run a beer mile. However, Richard’s players returned to their terrible form, with four losses in the final five games dropping him down to the basement for good. While Richard can blame bad luck to an extent, in the end, the team who scored by far the fewest amount of points deservedly finished in last place.

Speaking of shitty football teams…

MONTHLY RAIDERS RANT

(continues drinking)

Honestly, I don’t know what you want me to say here. Loss after loss after loss, all for the right to draft our (potentially) next franchise QB. The message hasn’t changed in months and it won’t change until the end of the season. Sure, every loss is a kick in the dick in the sense that I have to watch my favorite football team trip over themselves every weekend.

No bigger dick kick has come so far this year than what happened on Black Friday. Still, in the grand scheme of things, the loss to the Chiefs didn’t register as much as it probably should have. For one thing, I didn’t see it happen live — I was driving up to Mt. Shasta to visit my mother and only watched a replay while taking a shit at a service station. In addition, not only did I expect Las Vegas to lose (thus having no expectations), but another loss is more than likely better in the long run to improve the Raiders’ draft position. However, objectively this loss was Chicago Bears-esque in terms of creatively snatching defeat from the jaws of victory. From yet another example of officiating fuckery going in Kansas City’s favor to the Raiders commiting a mind-bottling unforced error when they were about to win, and you’ve got an all-timer. 

As long as this all leads to Kansas City’s bullshit meter finally breaking and the Raiders getting the top pick, I’ll be content. If not, well, just pile it onto the embarrassing, soul-crushing, heartbreaking, making-me-wonder-why-I-chose-to-be-a-fan-of-this-god-foresaken-franchise moments I’ve endured as a Raiders fan.

#THROWBACKTHURSDAY

ON THIS DAY IN NFL HISTORY:

On December 12, 1965, the Kansas Comet shone more brightly than ever before or since. Going into the 1965 season, Gale Sayers was expected to do big things in the NFL. While at Kansas, Sayers established himself as one of the best RBs in the nation, setting several Big Eight Conference records and winning first-team All-America honors from the AP and damn near every major selector. Sayers was known for his tremendous agility and elusiveness, which made him one of the most difficult players to tackle. Despite all of his talent and accolades, Sayers wasn’t selected until the 4th pick in the 1965 NFL Draft, and wasn’t even the first player drafted by the Chicago Bears that day. To be fair, that other player was Dick Butkus, arguably the greatest and most terrifying defensive player of all-time. Fun fact: This was also the same draft that the St. Louis Cardinals took Joe Namath and the Detroit Lions picked Fred Biletnikoff. Both of those future HOFers ended up signing with the AFL teams that drafted them — the New York Jets and Oakland Raiders, respectively — instead. Given that Sayers was also drafted by the Kansas City Chiefs, I’m sure we’re grateful he decided to go to the NFL.

The Bears’ 1965 draft class of Butkus and Sayers would go on to become one of the greatest for a team in NFL history. While Butkus would do his thing on defense, he would end up finishing third in the ROY voting (this was before there were two separate awards for offensive and defensive players). Instead, it was Sayers who took home the 1965 ROY crown, and for good reason. In his rookie year, he set an NFL record with 22 TDs — 14 rushing, six receiving, and one each on kickoff and punt returns. He also gained an NFL rookie record 2,272 all-purpose yards and led the league with an average kickoff return of 31.4 yards. In a Week 5 matchup with the Minnesota Vikings, Sayers scored four total TDs — one rushing, two receiving, and a kickoff return. He remained the last player to score a rushing, receiving, and kickoff return TD in the same game until Tyreek Hill did so in 2016. But while that would be most players’ greatest ever game, it wasn’t even Sayers’ best performance of the season.

That would come two months later against the San Francisco 49ers. The game was played at Wrigley Field, and the wet weather beforehand had turned the field into a vast stretch of mud. Ahead of kickoff, most experts thought that the mud would slow Sayers down, rendering his usually game-breaking agility a moot point. But as it turned out, Sayers would play like he was the only one on the field with any kind of footing. Sayers got things going early, hauling in an 80-yard TD pass in the 1st quarter to give Chicago a 6-0 lead. After the two teams traded TD passes, Sayers once again got into the end zone, this time on a 21-yard run, to make it 20-7. San Francisco cut the lead to 20-13, but it would be another 20ish in-game minutes before anyone but Sayers went into the end zone. After scoring from seven yards out to give the Bears a 27-13 halftime lead, Sayers ripped off a 50-yard TD run early in the 3rd quarter, before tacking on another from one yard out to increase Chicago’s lead to 40-13. An 85-yard punt return TD by Sayers put the cherry on top of a 61-20 Bears win and gave him his sixth TD of the game, tying the non-QB NFL record that still stands to this day.

Sayers was not the first player to score six TDs in a single game (Ernie Nevers did so in 1929 and Dub Jones equalled the feat in 1951), nor is he the most recent to do so (Alvin Kamara became the first since Sayers in 2020). But there was something about the way the rookie tore up an already-torn up field with his signature elegance and agility that makes Sayers’ six-TD performance particularly legendary. During that 1965 season, Sayers was famously quoted as saying, “Just give me 18 inches of daylight. That’s all I need.” Sayers continued his rushing showcase over the next several seasons, leading the league in rushing and stacking up honors and great performances, including a 205-yard game in Week 8 of 1968. But the following week, Sayers tore his right ACL, MCL, and meniscus, putting his future in doubt. Incredibly, Sayers returned for the 1969 season and led the league in rushing, earning him the Comeback POY award. However, further injuries in 1970 would spell the premature end of his career. Forced to retire at just 29, Sayers was nonetheless so impressive in his earlier years that he was inducted into the Pro Football HOF in 1977. Sayers was just 34 at the time and remains the youngest person ever voted into the HOF, as well as one of five Super Bowl era players to be inducted without playing a postseason game. Sayers was later named to the NFL’s 75th Anniversary Team (as a halfback and kick returner, the only player to occupy two positions), as well as the 100th Anniversary All-Time Team.

OTHER NOTABLE HAPPENINGS:

— 1982: In one of the snowiest games in NFL history, the New England Patriots defeat the Miami Dolphins 3-0, thanks to a convict turned snowplow driver clearing a spot for the FG

— 1964: Frank Ryan sets a Cleveland Browns franchise record (that still has not been beaten) with five TD passes in a single game, a 52-20 destruction of the New York Giants

— 1937: Rookie Sammy Baugh throws for 335 yards and three TDs in 15-degree weather, leading Washington to a 28-21 victory over the Chicago Bears in the NFL Championship Game

STAT OF THE MONTH

It is quite simply fucking astounding to see how the New York Jets can keep fucking things up every single time in new and creative ways. This year, after seeing their dream acquisition of Aaron Rodgers last all of four snaps, Rodgers’ first full season in the Big Apple has made a bigger case for him to hang up the cleats than for the Jets to make the playoffs. Given the rumors of Rodgers leaving New York in the offseason (lol Davante Adams), this drought shows no signs of stopping. Please oh please let their drought last longer than the Sacramento Kings’ historic streak (don’t go starting another one, Kings, please). Surely, there may be no fanbase suffering more than the Jets’ faithful…

Oh yeah, the Chicago Bears exist.

The Atlanta Falcons, too! But yeah the NFC North is a goddamn bloodbath, which only adds to Chicago’s misery. While I simply don’t care who beats the Kansas City Chiefs in the playoffs as long as it happens, I’d much rather it be either the Detroit Lions or Buffalo Bills. While a Super Bowl matchup between the two would guarantee one long-suffering franchise finds success, I don’t want the other fanbase to add another feather to their heartbreak cap.

Wait, who are the Lions playing this week?

Oh yeah, Josh Allen. It’s weird that the timeline we’re living in has Bills-Lions as one of the favorite Super Bowl matchups. It’s definitely the most bizarre thing going in football right now…

I… I have no words. Actually, I have three: what the fuck?

Next year, North Carolina will play UCF. UCF will also play Utah, whose starting QB could once again be Cam Rising. If Rising gets to play again, he will be 26 — that’s older than Bill Belichick’s girlfriend. Tomorrow is the last day at FOX40 for one of our photographers before he retires. He’s been at FOX40 for 27 years — his tenure is three years older than Bill Belichick’s girlfriend. If you think these jokes are getting old, they’re still older than Bill Belichick’s girlfriend.

QUARTER-FINAL PREVIEW

1. QUEEN’S GAMBIT VS. 8. HOG WILD

Congrats to Hog Wild for managing to hang onto a playoff spot. Your reward: potentially being the next victim in Queen’s Gambit’s bid to go back-to-back. If Jimmy wants to avoid a painful end to the season, his guys have to ball out. Fortunately for him, pretty much every key player is in a good matchup, with Jayden Daniels, Davante Adams, Terry McLaurin, and Chuba Hubbard all facing poor defenses. Jimmy also has to hope for a bad day from Aly. With Josh Allen in a mouth-watering matchup with the Lions, that’s unlikely. But Saquon Barkley is going up against arguably the toughest defense he’ll face in the Steelers. If Barkley gets slowed down, Jimmy may have a shot. If he runs wild, the rest of the league might actually be fucked.

4. WELL DAMN VS. 5. CHANNEL 4 NEWS TEAM

Can Channel 4 News Team finally make a deep playoff run? Arik will need to take advantage of a Well Damn squad that’s at the weakest it’s been in two years. Although Chriss has Ja’Marr Chase in what should be a murder spree against the Titans and the Vikings defense up against a weakened Bears offense, other matchups aren’t exactly as promising. Meanwhile, Arik seems to have several key players primed for big days. Chriss spent the majority of the season as the team to beat, but a four-game losing streak has him teetering. A fifth loss would end his season, and to avoid that Chriss needs Jordan Love, Justin Jefferson, Bijan Robinson, Joe Mixon, and (potentially) Isaac Guerendo to not take advantage of huge matchups. That’s a tough ask.

2. MAYBE THIS YEAR VS. 7. HAWK TUA

With Aly seemingly set to return to the Epic Bowl, I’m gonna make a prediction: the winner of this matchup will be her opponent. For the purposes of this preview, that’s a good thing, because this is likely to be the most exciting quarter-final matchup. Maybe This Year was already a high-powered offense before Kyle started riding the engagement juju. Hawk Tua is the second-highest scoring team in the league, with much of those points coming during Nick’s furious second half rally. Jalen Hurts vs. Sam Darnold. Jaxon Smith-Njigba and Brock Bowers vs. Puka Nacua and T.J. Hockenson. Brian Robinson and Rico Dowdle vs. David Montgomery and Jonathan Taylor. This is gonna be a fun new chapter in Kyle and Nick’s history.

3. THE ANTARCTICANS VS. 6. FOOTBALLDAMUS

Lamar Jackson is gonna rip the Giants apart and get revenge for his only pre-2024 loss to an NFC team. That’s the one thing the Antarcticans are guaranteed. As for everyone else? Mike Evans should be good, but CeeDee Lamb is having Cooper Rush throw him the ball. I don’t even know which Seahawks RB I’ll be starting on Sunday, with Kenneth Walker’s status up in the air. Will Ja’Marr Chase hog everything and leave nothing for Tee Higgins? If I don’t get good answers to all of that, Footballdamus is gonna waltz right in and knock me off. Brock Purdy, Kyren Williams, Chase Brown, and Darnell Mooney should all have good days, while Riaz getting points from A.J. Brown will be doubly painful given that I have the Steelers defense.

ONE LAST THING

You think I’d watch 100 movies in a single year and not take the time to further analyze/go in-depth on what I’d done? You don’t know me.

TOP 10 FAVORITE (AND BOTTOM 5 LEAST FAVORITE) MOVIES I SAW FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 2024

That’s right — for the first time, we have a “Bottom 10” list. Well, not quite. It’s more of a “Bottom 5,” if only for the fact that I didn’t have enough negative things to say about ten of the movies I watched. Five movies, though? Definitely. By the way, the number by each title indicates the order (out of 100) in which it was watched, just for fun. Again, this is a completely subjective list just based on my own criteria, AKA which movies I thought were good, which I enjoyed, and which I would rewatch again. Now that we’re here, let’s start from the bottom and go through my five least favorite films I saw for the first time in 2024.

5. NEXT GOAL WINS (9)

While I wouldn’t quite call Next Goal Wins “bad,” you know a soccer movie has to be pretty subpar for it to make this list. While the story and concept itself has plenty of potential, the sequence of events is poorly paced and stretches things a little too far. Plus, the actual soccer scenes are mediocre at best and laughable at worst. It seems every Taika Waititi film is either a major hit or a big miss. This is in the middle, but more towards the latter. At the very least, this movie taught me how to properly pronounce the word “Samoa” (emphasis on the first “a”).

4. BICYCLE THIEVES (48)

Bicycle Thieves is considered one of the greatest movies of all-time. I think, objectively, it’s a good movie. However, it is as depressing as all fuck — it starts off sad and literally everything that happens in the plot makes the situation even sadder. Not all movies are supposed to be happy or have a happy ending — often, some of the best movies evoke feelings on the far opposite side of the spectrum from happiness. I’ve even been enthralled and supportive of some of those movies. This one just goes too far into helplessness — not really my thing.

3. ANOMALISA (37)

During the month of May, I decided to only watch animated movies (ani-May, eh?). When looking up good, unique animated movies, I came across Anomalisa and was intrigued by the stop-motion animation style and premise. However, upon actual watch it was not only my least favorite animated movie I watched this year, but generally not enjoyable. The main character is a little too much of an asshole for me to get behind him during his movie-long dilemma and the overall premise of his problem doesn’t really come through as strongly as it probably intended.

2. ERASERHEAD (75)

Even though they’re not really my thing, I’m not against weird or bizarre movies. Poor Things is one of the weirdest movies I’ve ever seen, but I recognize the story and quality and am glad we live in a world where these kinds of projects get made. But then there’s being weird for weird’s sake, and Eraserhead seemingly exists just to be really fucking weird. I struggled to figure out what the hell was going on, both with the plot and what was actually happening in front of me. Despite all of this, I don’t “hate” Eraserhead or most movies I saw in 2024, with one exception.

1. BREAKFAST AT TIFFANY’S (14)

Fuck this movie with a cactus. Somehow, Breakfast at Tiffany’s has become an iconic piece of American cinema, in particular Audrey Hepburn’s character (the whole black dress, hair up, cigarette holder look). Quite frankly, this proves that Hollywood and its fans are only interested in the surface level, because Holly Golightly might be the most unlikable main character I’ve ever seen. She’s supposed to be this naive, eccentric socialite that’s desired by seemingly every man in this movie. I couldn’t imagine being in her presence for more than five minutes before telling her to shut the hell up. She’s the reason the “don’t stick your dick in crazy” rule exists. She just seems like a giant child, and a spoiled brat at that. The fact that the plot moves along because multiple men are interested in her honestly took me out of the movie. No fault to Hepburn — she’s a fantastic actress. But if any woman did what Golightly did throughout the movie, (especially what happened to Cat in the taxi), I would never speak to her again, let alone still get with her at the end. I guess that’s a spoiler, but honestly I don’t mind because none of you should see this fucking movie. By the way, all of this doesn’t even include the presence of Mickey Rooney’s character, Mr. Yunioshi, one of the most racist things I’ve ever seen. I dislike Truman Capote for writing the book that inspired this movie. Fuck Breakfast at Tiffany’s.

Whew… I kind of went on for a while there. Anyway, let’s get to the good stuff.

HONORABLE MENTION: 21/22 JUMP STREET (21/22)

As major studios seem to be running out of ideas, they keep going back to the well and making movies based on old TV shows, no matter how bad the idea is in concept and execution. 21 Jump Street is therefore the rarest of creations — a remake that’s not only good and genuinely hilarious, but elevates the concept. 22 Jump Street is perhaps an even rarer feat: a sequel to a good movie that not only lives up to the original, but arguably surpasses it. Jenko figuring out what happened with the captain’s daughter is one of the funniest movie bits I’ve ever seen.

HONORABLE MENTION: YOUR NAME (36)

Call me a weeb, I don’t care. I wanted to include at least one anime for obvious reasons, but this kind of anime typically isn’t my thing. During the climax, I had to restrain myself from yelling, “GODDAMN IT, TOSHIKI, LISTEN TO YOUR DAUGHTER — MITSUHA AND TAKI DIDN’T GO THROUGH ALL OF THAT SHIT FOR NOTHING!!!” So yeah, despite my best efforts, I got emotionally invested in Your Name. It’s got a fantastic and unique plot, it’s visually stunning, and the music is bang-on. It’s also anime as hell, but I promise you’ll enjoy it.

HONORABLE MENTION: POPSTAR: NEVER STOP NEVER STOPPING (47)

If this were anyone else’s list, Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping wouldn’t make it close to the Top 10. But goddamn do I love the Lonely Island and mockumentaries. You might expect this to be a stretched out SNL sketch that wears out its welcome. However, while it does get a little cliche at times, there are more than enough laugh-out-loud moments to make up for it, with actually good music and great performances. I’m also pretty sure the celebrity cameos bat a perfect 1.000, which is rare. This is an incredibly underrated comedy that should be seen more.

HONORABLE MENTION: AMERICAN FICTION (3)

At the risk of sounding like a Rick and Morty fanboy, American Fiction might be the smartest movie I saw this year, and I felt rewarded for getting the jokes and beats. Given that it’s about a writer, there were bits about grammar, sentence structure, and editing that weren’t necessarily played for laughs but were in-jokes for those who got them. Don’t get me wrong, American Fiction is a fantastic movie in general. It’s just that these jokes appealed to me extra is what made it rise to this part of the list. Now watch as I rip off typos and mistakes at record pace.

HONORABLE MENTION: THE WILD ROBOT (72)

The Wild Robot may be the greatest movie DreamWorks has ever made. That includes the likes of The Prince of Egypt, Chicken Run, The Road to El Dorado, Puss in Boots: the Last Wish, Megamind, Wallace and Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit, the Kung Fu Panda and How to Train Your Dragon movies, and (unironically) Shrek. The film is simply beautiful, with wonderful and colorful animation throughout, an emotional story that never goes quite where you think it will, and genuinely good humor and writing. It just beat out Transformers One for this spot.

HONORABLE MENTION: WICKED (90)

I was terrified that Wicked would follow the trend of major Broadway hits that also got theatrical adaptations and absolutely suck (Cats, anyone?). I am delighted to inform you that it, in fact, does not suck. Far from it, actually. In addition to being damn good, Wicked also remained incredibly faithful to the source material, which is another thing these kinds of films fail to do. If this were my first experience with the story (and it wasn’t understandably Part 1 of a two-parter), I would’ve been blown the hell away and this would easily crack the overall Top 5 of this list.

HONORABLE MENTION: SORRY TO BOTHER YOU (15)

If you’re an aspiring director, make your first flick in the Bay Area. It worked for Ryan Coogler with Fruitvale Station, and it works here with Boots Riley and Sorry to Bother You. The hilarious LaKeith Stanfield stars in this black comedy that turns into a surreal sci-fi mystery, all the while making poignant commentary on race, classism, and the downward spiral of popular media. I guarantee you won’t guess where and how it all ends. Arguably the most painful cut on this list, Sorry to Bother You just missed out on the Top 10 — it was between that and the one below.

10. THEY CLONED TYRONE (19)

During my trek to Antarctica, my flight from Santiago got delayed by five hours, meaning I missed my connector in Buenos Aires. After scrambling to book a flight for the following day, as well as a taxi and hostel for the night, I tried to relax once I got to my room. Surprised that not only did my room have a TV, but it also had Netflix, I decided to check out an interesting-looking movie called They Called Tyrone. That’s how I ended up watching a race-based science fiction comedy mystery in the second-largest city in South America. As for the movie itself, despite being viewed by me while I wasn’t at my happiest, it somehow hit the right spots. Much like with Sorry to Bother You, you won’t guess where They Cloned Tyrone is going as you’re entertained by the genuinely hilarious one-liners that were so plentiful I worried they would fly under the radar. John Boyega is fantastic and Jamie Foxx gives his best performance in years. It reminds me a lot of Black Dynamite (which I loved), while doing its own excellent things.

9. EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE ALL AT ONCE (42)

I’m so glad to live in a world where movies like Everything Everywhere All at Once not only exist, but get rewarded for being what they are. In the second-most recent Best Picture winner at the Academy Awards, there’s a world where people have sausage fingers and another where they’re rocks with googly eyes. There’s a WWE-style battle and a massive melee over a cosmic donut, each of which take place inside an IRS building. The main villain has the most ornate, diverse, insane wardrobe I’ve ever seen in cinema. But amid all of the absurdity and bizarre nature of everything, Everything Everywhere All at Once has plenty of real, powerful emotion and a story that resonates with anyone who has a dysfunctional family. Stephanie Hsu (who was also in The Fall Guy, which almost made the list) was incredible in this movie, while Ke Huy Quan (AKA grown up Short Round) was a delight in every scene he was in. Everything Everywhere All at Once has already locked up a spot as one of the best films of the decade.

8. NORTH BY NORTHWEST (11)

One thing that’s happened as a result of my multiple 100-movie quests is I’ve developed an affinity for Alfred Hitchcock movies. Vertigo and Psycho were in the original 100, while The Birds was another part of this 100. But North by Northwest just might be my favorite one I’ve seen so far. Apart from the fact that there’s a scene involving a plane trying to kill a man and another scene on top of Mount Rushmore, I knew nothing about this movie, allowing me to take a full, unfiltered ride on this adventure prepared by the “Master of Suspense.” A case of mistaken identity thrusts an innocent man into a world of espionage, death, and government secrets, as he struggles with who to trust and danger coming from out of nowhere. Fun fact: this was the first ever film to use kinetic typography (AKA moving text on the screen). It’s not something that played a role in deciding whether or not North by Northwest made it into this list, but it’s nice to keep in mind. Anyway, this is another Hitchcock banger, which seems like a double entendre.

7. THE TRUMAN SHOW (100)

I saved The Truman Show for last because it involves a TV show (appeals to me) and I knew that it involved him escaping from that show, bringing an end to a lengthy process (like this 100-movie quest) and asking the question, “What’s next?”. But never could I have expected to enjoy this movie so much, that the final entry into the 100 would find itself in the Top 10, let alone this high. But goddamn, 90’s Jim Carrey can truly do no wrong. Even though I knew a lot about the overall setting and plot, the fact that The Truman Show could still throw me curveballs is pretty cool, and a testament to how good it is. I’m torn between wanting a modern, more gritty/horror remake and letting this movie remain in the past. It’s somehow both ahead of its time and a perfect product of its era, with enough goofy 90’s charm and the perfect lead to make it all work. Now I kind of want to go to Fiji. Also, shoutout to Noah Emmerich (who plays Truman’s best friend, Marlon), who plays Coach Craig Patrick in Miracle, one of my favorite movies ever.

6. SINGIN’ IN THE RAIN (51)

Singin’ in the Rain is among the movies which currently have a 100% approval rating on Rotten Tomatoes, and for good reason — it’s considered by many to be the greatest musical ever made and one of the greatest films of all-time. It’s also straight up fucking fun. Characters dance and sing (with one notable exception) across a lighthearted look at Hollywood in the late 20’s, as the entertainment world transitions from silent films to “talkies.” Gene Kelly absolutely kills it as the leading man, with the famous scene where he literally sings in the rain being well worth the hype it’s garnered since. Debbie Reynolds is adorable, while Jean Hagen is fantastic as the leading villain. But for me, Donald O’Connor was just so damn impressive as the wise-cracking sidekick who doubles as the best dancer in the entire movie and one of the best dancers Hollywood has ever seen. If you’re feeling down and just want to laugh and have a good time, putting on Singin’ in the Rain is a good choice — you’ll have a smile on your face the whole time.

5. FURIOSA: A MAD MAX SAGA (44)

Here’s a truly “Ruben” stat: I’ve only watched movies from the Mad Max franchise in years when I’ve watched 100 movies I’ve never seen before. Last time, I watched the OG movie and sequel before catching Mad Max: Fury Road in the theater (it was my favorite new movie that year). This year, I saw Beyond Thunderdome before completing the series by seeing the new Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga in the cinema. While Furiosa wasn’t my favorite new film of the year, it came damn close. George Miller’s apocalyptic world of gas, metal, and mayhem is as deep and vibrant as ever, with Furiosa (played excellently by Anya Taylor-Joy and Alyla Browne) and other interesting characters from Fury Road getting a much-needed dive into their backstories. Chris Hemsworth absolutely kills it, with Dementus rising damn close to the level of Thor among his best characters. Furiosa is long, but definitely worth it. By the way, my franchise ranking (best to worst) is: Fury Road, Furiosa, The Road Warrior, Beyond Thunderdome, and Mad Max.

4. HUNDREDS OF BEAVERS (69)

Out of all the movies I’ve seen this year, Hundreds of Beavers is the one that, on paper, should not work. It’s a black and white slapstick comedy about an applejack maker turned trapper who wages war with, well, hundreds of beavers. All of the animals are played by humans wearing what are essentially Halloween costumes. There are very few spoken words. It stars actors who don’t even have Wikipedia pages. But holy shit this movie is fantastic and genuinely funny. The level of slapstick constantly evolves throughout the movie, freshening things up whenever they might start getting a little bit old. Given that Hundreds of Beavers is nearly two hours long, that’s a lot of evolution, which requires a lot of creativity that doesn’t go unappreciated. You get sucked into the plot so much that you hardly bat an eye at the logic of a trapper trying (and failing) to kill a rabbit, only to later battle a Beaver Voltron. Yes, “Beaver Voltron” is an accurate description of something that happens. This movie is amazingly silly in all of the best ways.

3. GODZILLA MINUS ONE (2)

Godzilla Minus One was just the second movie I saw this year, and I knew it would make the Top 10 the second I left the theatre. There have been 37 films in the Godzilla franchise, and while I haven’t seen the vast majority of them, I think this might be the best one. Pretty much every Godzilla-focused list I’ve seen ranks either this or the 1954 Godzilla film as the best in the franchise. Like that 1954 classic, Godzilla Minus One is set in post-WWII Japan, serving as both a highlight of the horrors of the conflict and a sort of origin story for Godzilla itself. While the human characters are often the least interesting part of monster movies, these humans — mainly Japanese veterans living with shame and PTSD after the war, are incredibly compelling and sympathetic. That’s a good thing, because it makes Godzilla all the more imposing. The big guy is as terrifying as ever, with some amazing sequences that rank up in the best of the franchise. The director is apparently making another Godzilla movie, and I certainly can’t wait.

2. RRR (88)

In the first 30 minutes of RRR, one man successfully fights hundreds of people, while another manages to outrun both a wolf and a tiger. There’s a prison break scene where one man gets onto another man’s shoulders and they fight off guards like some sort of mega person. There’s a point where a man on a horse races a man on a motorcycle, which is just one small part of a bromance montage. At one point, a man throws a leopard at another man, an action which is maybe in the Top 3 most badass moments of that particular scene. None of these moments are part of the scene in the above picture, which is one of like eight scenes in RRR that would be the most incredible scene in most other movies. The best/most memorable out of all of those scenes may be the one with a dance battle. This movie is fucking incredible, and it also happens to have a compelling plot/story and genuinely fantastic acting. Three hours have never flown by as quickly. I’d never seen an Indian movie before this and now I’m ready to dive into the deep end.

1. BULLET TRAIN (16)

The secret to topping any list is to either be so good you’re objectively undeniable or appeal to the person making the list. Bullet Train does both in spades. It’s set in Japan, on a train no less. It’s got stupid jokes that aren’t too stupid and cool action sequences that aren’t too unbelievable. It’s got a plot that genuinely keeps you guessing until the end. Zazie Beetz is in it. But above all, one of the best characters in the entire movie just happens to be obsessed with Thomas the Tank Engine, which they incorporate into his personality and the actual story of the film. While doing this 100, I mainly tried to stick with good movies. After all, why would I willingly watch a movie I know is bad? Sadly, Bullet Train has just a 53% approval rating on Rotten Tomatoes. I implore you to pay no heed and check it out yourself. After all, audiences gave it a 76% rating. Then again, Red One has like a 90% audience rating (compared to 30% critical). I don’t know, man. What I do know is that I thoroughly enjoyed this movie, and that’s what matters.

Alright, I’m bored. I’m gonna go watch a movie. No. 101…

Ruben Dominguez

Commissioner, Epic League of Epic Epicness

2019 Champion, Epic League of Epic Epicness