Ruben's Writings

It’s time, gentlemen. After 13 weeks of football, waiver pickups, shit talking, and bitching, the playoffs are finally here. The field has been whittled down to eight teams duking it out for glory, bragging rights, and cold hard cash. It’s the most exciting time of the fantasy football season and everyone will be glued to…

If you don’t know who the guy on the left is, he’s responsible for the guy on the right. His name is Stephen Hillenburg, a former marine biology teacher, created an informative comic book in the 1980’s in order to educate people about tide pool animals. He also worked as a fry cook in a…

It’s Thanksgiving. What the hell are you doing? Spend time with your friends and family, for goodness sake! Well, unless you’re reading this as a distraction from relatives you don’t want to be around. In that case, let me entertain you 11 people once again. Before I do, let me just say thank you for…

I really hoped I wouldn’t have to do another tribute newsletter this year. If celebs mean enough to me to get one, that means they’re dead and I’m sad. Case in point: I actually screamed, “NOOOO!!!” when I got the alert that Stan Lee died. Lee, of course, was basically the godfather of Marvel comics,…

If I have to continue to deal with midterm bullshit at work even after most of the votes have been counted, so do you. Election season is still on, bitches! (cue theme music) Thank god I don’t have to see another Gavin Newsom/John Cox/Jeff Denham/Josh Harder/Dianne Feinstein/Kevin De Leon/Prop 6/Measure U campaign ad. By the…

(clears throat) Ahem…WORLD MOTHERFUCKING SERIES CHAMPS, BABY!!!!!!!!! Before this season, this crop of Boston Red Sox players were thought of as guys who couldn’t get it done in the playoffs. They had just gotten a rookie manager and their overpaid signees (especially David Price) wouldn’t do much. Their arch rivals from New York were thought…