Ruben's Writings

An interesting thing happened to me at work this week: I got not just one, but two free bags of tortilla chips! Plus, one of them was from Chipotle, so it’s as good as getting three free bags. Free tortilla chips! Also, I got promoted. FOX40 offered me a two-year deal to be a full…

We’ll get to football in a minute. But first, I need to vent. HOW THE FLYING FUCK DO WE NOT QUALIFY FOR THE WORLD CUP WHEN: 1. WE PLAY IN THE EASIEST CONFEDERATION TO QUALIFY FROM, 2. ALL WE NEED IS A DRAW AGAINST LAST PLACE TRINIDAD AND TOBAGO, 3. WE ARE THE GODDAMN UNITED STATES…

Sorry this week’s newsletter is so late! I got called into work yesterday, so I lost a lot of normal writing time. I guess in some ways it was a good thing, because I’m able to pass this bit of breaking news on. This has been taped to the window at Nationwide Freezer Meats at…

I have seen the rolling hills of Japan. I have walked where the Berlin Wall once stood. I have gazed upon the Mona Lisa with my own eyes. And now, I have waited at the Reykjavik Airport for about an hour. After 11 days of galavanting across Germany and France, I’m a little less than…

Hallo von der anderen seite des Atlantiks! Meine erste reise nach Europa geht so weit! Die ctädte Berlin und Hannover sind toll, das essen ist ein wenig seltsam, aber lecker, das bier ist magisch und die heißeste frau in Sacramento wäre vielleicht ein fünf in Deutschland. Es ist auch ein bisschen ein schock von der…

God, I missed football. Thankfully, the NFL is back and in full swing, as is fantasy football. Week 1 was definitely full or surprises, many of which we’ll get to later. But first, some housekeeping. Hours before the New England Patriots made Alex Smith look like a fusion of Joe Montana and Michael Vick, I was…